FRIDAY, APRIL 7, 2017
Taxation WITH Representation Isn’t So Great Either!
Yesterday, everybody at the Whistleblower Newswire was watching Republicans Nuking The Senate, so Charles Foster Kane went to have his taxes done, just so he could find out how much of his hard-earned money would be confiscated by the IRS on April 18 for our Crooks in Congress just to piss away.
Unfortunately, our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher hadn’t been heard from all that day, although somebody did say they saw him inhaling a Bloomin’ Onion (a mere 1,959 calories) at a bribe lunch with an elected official running for office this November at the Outback restaurant on Five Mile Road in Anderson. The Blower is still waiting on confirmation on that report, especially since everybody knows how low a profile the Voice of the Conservative Agenda usually keeps whenever he ventures out in public.
And we were hoping when he finally returned, he’ll be calmed down enough after hearing about his taxes and that elected official’s plans for public spending so we could at least put out our scheduled “Over-Taxed Payers’ Angst” E-dition on Saturday.
The Whistleblower Staff
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Charles Foster Kane’s Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags, who avoids paying taxes on his vast real estate holdings, along with an almost monopolistic control of several railroads and utilities.
Uncyclopedia describes Milburn “Rich Uncle” Pennybags (also known as Mr. Monopoly or the Chinchilla Don) as a high-powered real estate financier and leader of the Monopliano crime family. First emerging onto the scene in 1936, Pennybags quickly gained mass notoriety for his flashy style and expensive tastes, as well as his allegedly ruthless treatment of those who dared defy him. [READ MORE HERE]
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in supporting rich people who avoid paying taxes, is proud to select Kane’s Rich Uncle Milburn to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Leona Helmsley’s “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”
“MORE DUMBED DOWN EDUCATION” by Whistleblower Education Editor Rod Sparechild
Indiana Bureau Chief Hoosier Daddy says in a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be President of the United States. It was all pretty simple, the candidate must be a natural born citizen, of at least 35 years of age.
However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural-born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.
The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone’s jaw hit the floor when the girl wrapped up her argument by stating, “What makes a natural-born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by C-section?”
Yep, these are the same 18-year-olds who elected the Obama. Now we know why. And don’t forget, they walk among us AND they vote! Worse yet, they breed.
- “THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME” by A Chagrined Conservative
People born before 1946 are called – “The Greatest Generation.” People born between 1946 and 1964 are called – “The Baby Boomers.” People born between 1965 and 1979 are called – “Generation X.” And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called “Generation Y.”
Did you ever wonder why we call the last group “Generation Y?” It’s because they always say:
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food? Y should I do anything when I can get it all for FREE?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below…
We just thought you might want to know “Y” we ended up with OBAMA for eight years!
- “WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY” by Oliver Klozhoff
Don’t forget to mark your calendars.
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.
So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Daylight time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America !
P.S. It is your patriotic duty to inform others.
If you don’t send this to at least 1 person, you’re a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists!
- AND A QUICKIE by Newt Gingrich
Here’s the best Bartender Joke ever:
A socialist, an illegal immigrant, and a Muslim walk into a bar…
And the Bartender asks, “What’ll you have, Mr. President?”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
TRUMP STRIKES ASSAD!
PRESIDENT SHOWS HE’S WILLING TO ACT FORCEFULLY, QUICKLY
SPEED INTENDED TO MAXIMIZE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE
AMERICAN NUKES TO SKOREA?
XI WATCHES TRUMP DEAL
HILLARY: I WOULDN’T BE RUNNING AGAIN…
ABRAMS: HE’S NOW LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD
GREATFUL SYRIANS GIVE TRUMP NEW NAME (ABU IVANKA)
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they plan to get out of paying any federal income tax by midnight on April 15:
(A) Lie about their income: 2%
(B) Make up lots of expenses: 1%
(C) Let the tax cheats at H&R Goniff do their return: 1%
(D) File an extension: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
OVER-TAXED PAYERS HOT LINE
E-mail your tax cheating tips today
Some non-deductible items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally non-deductible subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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