THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2015

No Reason For Businesses To Leave America Anymore  

This afternoon at the Conservative Agenda, with only 50 more days until Inauguration Day, everybody was watching President-elect Trump’s Carrier Deal Announcement, when Trump and Vice President-elect Mike Pence visited the factory in Indiana on Thursday to kick off a “thank you tour” for his election win and celebrate persuading air conditioner maker Carrier Corp to preserve around 1,000 jobs in the state rather than move them to Mexico.

In an early victory for Trump even before he takes office on Jan. 20, Carrier agreed to keep more than 1,000 jobs at the plant and at its headquarters, while still planning to move more than 1,000 other U.S. jobs to Mexico. Trump made keeping jobs in the United States one of the main issues of his election campaign and frequently pilloried Carrier for planning to ship jobs overseas as he appealed to blue-collar workers in the Midwest.

Tonight at 7PM, all those folks who were lucky enough to get tickets on The Blower’s Web Page, will be attending The Trumpster’s first nationwide “Thank You Rally” at the U.S. Bank Arena. It is not known if Ohio’s Delusional Governor John Kasich or Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP will be recognized for their part in Trump’s big win on Election Night, but our Feckless Fishwrappers will be sure to be on hand to count every empty seat, as well as to publicize all those protests they’ve been able to arrange, like a “Thank You, Crooked Hillary” Rally to celebrate her lifelong career of lying to the American people; an Anti-Trump Rally to accuse Trump of being a racist, sexist, gay basher, and islamophobe; as well an Intercommunity Justice and Peace Center protest for illegal immigrants.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1947, despite strong Arab opposition, the United Nations votes for the partition of Palestine and the creation of an independent Jewish state and there has been peace in the Middle East ever since, especially when Hamas terrorists Obama’s been paying off just fired a few more rockets into Southern Israel to celebrate.

MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu’s characterization of Obama’s cave in to Iran as an “Historic mistake.” 

TYPICAL OBAMA SUPPORTERS TOM AND ROSE are paying no attention to President-Elect Trump’s accomplishments even before he’s in office, and spent all afternoon on Cyber-Monday trying to decide which Obama Christmas Ornaments to order online from Obama’s Legacy Campaign Office at the White House.

OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “At their dinner together, President-elect Donald Trump and Mitt Romney dined on sautéed frogs legs. I don’t know about you, but eating frogs legs with Donald Trump sounds like someone lost a bet..”

TODAY, THE WHISTLEBLOWER REPERTORY GROUP proudly presents the Whistleblower Snowball Fight Video, where Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Newt are teamed up against Alex T. and the local RINOs. [WATCH IT HERE]

 MINORITY REPORT: What’s Kwanzaa Klaus bringing you this year? A healthy dose of political correctness for a totally fabricated holiday.

TRAVEL ADVISORY: If you’re still having trouble finding where Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will be turning on those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County on Saturday, you might check with the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located west of West Union.

ANOTHER TRADITION CONTINUES: The Blower now begins publishing this year’s version of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by the Ghost of “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, who says, “Hamilton County would still be ‘Red’ if I were still alive.” The first verse goes something like this:

            On the First Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me:
            One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

          Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later this month, since “Mean Jean” is now apologizing to Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and all of the Political Insiders at the Conservative Agenda in case they mistakenly get an invitation to her Christmas Party this year, where she’ll be kicking off her return to politics.

Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later this month.

TODAY’S UNITED APPALL PERSON is diner waitress Emily Frump, who stops in several times a day at the Carolyn Washburn Drop-Inn Center for Extremely Unattractive Nymphomaniacs, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens. Emily hopes the United Appall meets its fund-raising goal next week so she can continue to meet lonely men and satisfy their insatiable sexual cravings. “I just want to be loved,” says Marlene. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

HANUKKAH JOKE: Hanukkah doesn’t arrive until Christmas Eve this year, but yesterday Sadie went to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards. She asked the cashier for 50 Hanukkah stamps. What denomination?” replied the cashier.  “Please give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform,” Sadie said.

UNTIL THEN, here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:      All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE:      Holiday Party 

So December 21 marks the Winter Solstice… what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi’s prohibit the burning of sage by our “earth-based Goddess-worshiping” employees, but we’ll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band’s breaks. Okay?

                                                                                                               Patty

FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about Graydon’s Annual “Holiday Reception” at the Fort Mitchell Country Club last night. One particularly observant Blower reader thought he saw cocktail sauce on Kane’s trademark Whistleblower tie. “That’s right,” Kane admitted. “It’s one of the hazards of eating all that free shrimp.”

 

          And was Graydon able to make Jews feel welcome in Northern Kentucky without Rick “The Batboy” Robinson’s ecumenical efforts? We’ll have to see if Kane is invited back to next year’s holiday party.

 

          Tonight we’ll see how welcome Kane’s classmates make him feel at the Anderson High School’s Class of ‘56 Survivors Holiday Party at Grove Park Grille after our Beloved Publisher’s special meeting with the President-elect before tonight’s Thank You Tour Rally.

 More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our November fund-raising drive by the Fort Mitchell Country Club, where they’d never seen so many Jews in Kentucky before.

 Whistleblower Heartwarming Video of the Day

The Power of Words

 Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here