SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 2016
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1987, President Ronald Reagan challenged Soviet Leader Mikhail Gorbachev to “tear down” the Berlin Wall, and our Quote for Today Committee says, “That’s really a no-brainer for us,” as we now show you the video. Do you think many of our Obama Supporters in the Press will be asking what Reagan would’ve thought about Obama’s imbecilic exchange of one US deserter for five top Taliban leaders held at Guantanamo Bay? Don’t hold your breath.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: President Barack Obama is here tonight, which means even he can’t score tickets to “Hamilton.” The president has a lot going on as he wraps up his term in office, including the construction of his presidential library in Chicago. It will be a place devoted entirely to Obama and his achievements — or as that’s also known, MSNBC. So much has happened during President Obama’s administration. Obamacare was passed. Same-sex marriage was legalized. He worked with 11 other countries to sign the historic Trans-Pacific Partnership. Whereas Donald Trump just walked around Epcot and insulted every country. The co-founder of Home Depot recently announced that he is supporting Donald Trump. He wasn’t planning to, but when your colors are orange and white, you kind of have to go with Donald.
CONAN O’BRIEN said: Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she would like to see the FBI investigation of her emails wrapped up. Hillary then said, “Or deleted, whatever is easiest.” Bernie Sanders had a meeting at the White House. He just had a meeting there. He’s not going to live there. After his meeting at the White House, Bernie Sanders said he’s going to do everything he can to “make sure that Donald Trump does not become president of the United States.” Bernie said, “I’m even willing to make Hillary my vice president.” Arnold Schwarzenegger is siding with the judge in the Trump University fraud case. Arnold said he took a speech class at Trump University and wants his money back.
SETH MEYERS said: Bernie Sanders met with President Obama at the White House today to discuss the status of the DemocRAT race. Though I’m not sure Bernie is getting the hint because he arrived at the meeting in a U-Haul. Donald Trump’s campaign staff is reportedly worried that Trump will suddenly announce his vice presidential pick online without consulting with his advisers. Said Trump, “Well, it’s not like I can just call him.” A Virginia man recently found an outline of what looks like Donald Trump in one of his bathroom tiles. Of course, at one point or another we’ve all found something in our bathroom that looks like Donald Trump.
AND STEPHEN COLBERT said: A lot of people want Hillary to pick Elizabeth Warren [as her running mate]. And Warren is already out there attacking Donald Trump. Just today she told a crowd, “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud.” That is just wrong. There’s no way that stuff covering his face is skin. Meanwhile, Trump says that he’s narrowed his list of candidates down to four or five. Though, if it’s a woman, she’ll definitely be a 10. Today Bernie Sanders had a private meeting in the White House with President Obama, which was fitting since they’re both beloved political figures who are just a few months away from not being president.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: We found this offensive ode in his latest book “Racist Poems to Riot By,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Scaring the Suburbanites
The next time you go downtown to get mugged,
Be careful when you meet your first thug.
He might not think you’re funny,
If instead of your money,
You offer to give that thug a hug.
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “EXPLOITING THE FLAG” every politician was taking part in the Annual Flag Day Parade, and our three Corrupt County Commissioners were about the best ways to exploit the best ways to exploit the day’s events. This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says he read somewhere that Cincinnati Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor would be giving Hillary a $1,000 donation to show up at his house tomorrow for one of her money-grubbing fundraiser. Actually it wouldn’t be Cranley’s money, if the money came from his campaign fund. Does that mean the guy who gave Cranley the $1,000 also gets to attend? And what if that guy was a Bernie Sanders supporter? Will he get a refund?
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #164, Quote Liberal Hero Karl Marx: “There is only one way to kill capitalism—by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.”
JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says, Futures were way down in the pre-market on Friday morning, nearly two weeks ahead of the Brexit vote that is making many followers tremble. Crude oil prices have surpassed the psychologically pleasing (relatively) $50 per barrel price, but the question now for this is: What’s next?”
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and in the closing monologue of his HBO show Real Time Friday night, host Bill Maher addressed millennial support for socialism, but criticized that they “are ready for a little too much socialism.” Maher said what they want isn’t socialism, but “Santa-ism.” “Almost two-thirds of Sanders voters want free college, and free universal health coverage for no more than an extra $1,000 in taxes, even though that’s not really socialism. That’s Santa-ism,” Maher said.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about that speech Donald Trump was going to make attacking Hillary timed with her visit to Cincinnati tomorrow. “Don’t be surprised if Trump doesn’t refocus that speech to attack Obama following Saturday night’s Muslim Massacre in Orlando.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
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SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
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AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (JUNE 13) The Blower will be waiting to hear Donald Trump’s speech attack Obama and Hillary over their reaction to Saturday Night’s Muslim Massacre in Orlando, but we’ll still be continuing to count down the 221 Days of Dishonesty for the rest of the nation remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (JUNE 14) we’ll be our official Flag Day E-dition, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” filled with references to Old Glory.
WEDNESDAY (JUNE 15) we’ll be checking to see how politicized politicians have already made Saturday Night’s Muslim Massacre in Orlando.
THURSDAY (JUNE 16) we’ll be checking to see if Hillary has yet been indicted.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JUNE 17) LIMERICK IS “To honor your dad on this Father’s Day,” which will already have happened.
AND SATURDAY (JUNE 18) we’ll be remembering how 1815 Napoleon was defeated at Waterloo on that date, and wondering if what Obama’s Waterloo will be.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Ohio DemocRAT Party Boss David Pepper, when we casually mention his name Tuesday on Flag Day.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video Of The Day
Vote Hillary Clinton: Because You Owe Her Big Time | Scott Ott Thought
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