MONDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2015

Checking the O-Meter

      According to Obama’s Orgasm Czar Cliticia von Climax, tomorrow is World Orgasm for Peace Day, and tonight on Winter Solstice Eve, Obama even plans to go on TV to announce that all his Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press,  who want an Orgasm, can keep it. But also Tuesday night at our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Ninth Annual Christmas Party at Zazou at 502 West 6th Street Street in Covington, we’ll find out if there’s been maximum participation across the nation, but it probably won’t be an entirely pleasurable experience for everyone involved. For example… 

BARRACK OBAMA, whose wife Michelle beat the hell out of him after she read that National Enquirer story about Obama’s Secret Love Nest, won’t have an orgasm during his entire 16-day over-taxed payer vacation in Hawaii.   

HARRY REID, who says he won’t be able to screw Republicans in the Senate in 2016 the way he did in 2015, won’t have an orgasm.

VULNERABLE REPUBLICANS IN 2016, who caved in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS one more time, won’t have an orgasm.

POLLSTERS, getting tired of announcing results every day reporting Obama’s hit a new low, won’t have an orgasm.

WINNERS OF “LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES” AWARD, who are so busy covering up, won’t have an orgasm.

PAUL RYNO, now under all out attack from the TEA Party for giving Obama everything he wanted, won’t have an orgasm.

“BRONZE STAR BRAD” WENSTRUP, who along with Steve Chabothead, is still getting hammered by his constituents for rubber-stamping Ryno’s Tax-and-Spending Bill,” won’t have an orgasm.

STEVE CHABOTHEAD, who thanked The Blower for at least remembering he was one of Slick Willie’s Impeachment Managers, won’t have an orgasm. 

“MEAN JEAN” SCHMIDT, who’s wondering how many people plan to show up at her Christmas Party just to hear about her plans to return to politics, won’t have an orgasm.  

ROB “FIGHTING FOR SAME-SEX MARRIAGE” PORTMAN, who says “I really didn’t want that gay guy’s endorsement, anyhow,” won’t have an orgasm.

DAVID A. PEPPER, who plans to show all those other Dishonest DemocRATS in Ohio how to continue their losing ways in 2016, won’t have an orgasm.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says on this date in 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 from London to New York exploded in midair over Lockerbie, Scotland, killing all 243 passengers and 16 crew members aboard, as well as 11 Lockerbie residents on the ground, won’t have an orgasm.

FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS, who are waiting for the next round of firings, won’t have an orgasm.

DIMINUTIVE DEMOCRAT MAYOR JOHN CRANLEY, who says he can hardly wait for the next apology he has to make, won’t have an orgasm.     

VICE MAYOR DAVID MANN who lied to get elected, won’t have an orgasm.

P.G.SITT-N-SPIN, who told both sides he supported them just to get the most votes, won’t have an orgasm.

CLOWNCILMAN KEVIN FLYNN-FLAM, who stabbed Cranley in the back after Cranley helped get him get elected, won’t have an orgasm. 

CLOWNCILMAN SMLP SMITHERMOUTH, who says “The problem with some politicians these days is after they’ve been bought, they don’t stay bought,” won’t have an orgasm.

CLOWNCIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, who says, “You know you’re having great sex when you know you won’t be able to sit down afterwards,” won’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who says “See what happens when you don’t have any Republicans candidates running for Mayor or City Clowncil,” won’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY DEMO-LABOR PARTY BOSS TIM BURKA, who says that time he questioned “JayWalking Joe” Deters about his address was “Not Political,” won’t have an orgasm.

DEMOCRAT HAMILTON COUNTY COMMISSIONER ODD TODD OPPORTUNE, who says, “Please stop laughing when I tell you who will be running against me in 2016,” won’t have an orgasm. 

CONVICTED-AND-SENTENCED AND ABOUT TO BE TRIED AGAIN BLACK DEMOCRAT EX-JUVIE JUDGE TRACI HUNTER, who says the case against her is as a “political takedown” orchestrated by the county’s Republican party, won’t have an orgasm.

DOWNTOWN PANHANDLERS, who say, “We can’t wait till we can ride around in a nice warm streetcar during the winter,” won’t have an orgasm. 

APATHETIC HAMILTON COUNTY VOTERS, who still have exactly the kind of government they deserve, won’t have an orgasm.

COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who says “People really liked paying for their own food and drinks at my Chintzy Christmas Party,” won’t have an orgasm.

HAMILTON COUNTY’S DISINGENUOUS DOUBLE-DIPPING DEMOCRAT AUDITOR, who says, “Wait till you see the screwing you got when you read the “New Property Values” I just made up for your house, won’t have an orgasm.

OUSTED ANDERSON TRUSTEE “IN RUSS WE TRUST” JACKSON, who says “The Blower was right when we said ‘All bad things must come to an end,” won’t have an orgasm.

ANDERSON TOWNSHIP TRUSTEE JOSH GERTH AND ANDERSON TEA PARTY GUY ANDY PAPPAS, hoping voters will forgive them for selling them out on the School Tax Hike Scam, won’t have an orgasm.

CLERMONT COUNTY REPUBLICANS, who are now working to rescind their endorsement of Podiatrist/ Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup, won’t have an orgasm.

TEA PARTY PATRIOTS, who are now questioning the wisdom of allowing themselves to be absorbed by their local RINO Parties, won’t have an orgasm.

FORMER STATE REP-TILE PETER “THE BEST LEGISLATOR MONEY COULD BUY” $TAUTBERG, who hasn’t had an orgasm ever since he lost last year’s primary to “Taxkiller Tom” Brinkman, won’t have an orgasm

BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who says “World Orgasm for Peace Day” should be a real holiday, since nobody’s going to get any work done anyway, won’t have an orgasm.

OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Mae West’s “An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away,” won’t have an orgasm.  

KENTUCKY SENATOR RAND PAUL, who’s wondering if he should follow Lindsay Graham’s lead and fold up his 2016 Presidential Campaign, won’t have an organism.

ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES, who says she’s damn lucky she squeaked by when she edged out Republican businessman Steve Knipper to retain her seat as Secretary of State, won’t have an orgasm.

KENTUCKY U.S. SENATOR BITCH MCCONNELL, who promises to be “Really Conservative,” won’t have an orgasm.

BLUEGRASS GOVERNOR MATT BEVIN, who still argues, “No he isn’t,” won’t have an orgasm.

RICK “THE BATBOY” ROBINSON, who forgot to call us to sing Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song last night on the Last Night of Hanukkah,” won’t have an orgasm.

NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH, who couldn’t wait till Hillary announced she was running for president so he could start raising money for her campaign, won’t have an orgasm.

THAT CABAL OF NOKY ATTORNEYS STILL OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS INCLUDING LOVELY LISA WELLS (THE ATTORNEY WHO REPLACED CRAZY ERIC ON WLW HATE RADIO), who wonder if “Crazy Eric” is still leaving a trail of victims in his wake, including clients and revolving-door “partners,” not paying judgments against him, and appears to be illegally practicing law, won’t have an orgasm.

DISBARRED GREEDY HEARSE-CHASING, DISGRACED DEMOCRAT, CLINTON-LOVING, FEN-PHEN SCANDAL PLAGUED, NOT-YET-INDICTED TRIAL ATTORNEY $TAN CHE$LEY, who wonders if he could still be arrested in Kentucky and does anybody know who sent those three Black guys to rob him and throw him down the stairs, won’t have an orgasm.

OUR GOOD FRIEND, KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, who says people depicted in my newsletter don’t have orgasms unless it’s really dark, won’t have an orgasm.

”TRISH THE DISH,” who wonders if you’re supposed to have Orgasms to celebrate the Summer Solstice too, won’t have an orgasm.

FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who says “When my doctor told me I had to give up half my sex life and I said which half, dreaming about it or talking about it,” won’t have an orgasm.

REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.    More Conservative Christmas Cartoons

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