SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2015
More Politics Unusual
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Congress on Friday approved a year-end budget loaded with goodies for both parties. Over-Taxed Payers lose again, but they’re not surprised: Most voters have been telling us for years that they favor spending cuts in every program of the federal government. But only 28% believe it is even somewhat likely that government spending will be significantly reduced over the next few years. GOP voters are far more eager than DemocRATS to cut the size of government, but despite the Republican takeover of Congress, nothing seems to have changed. This helps explain the success of anti-GOP establishment presidential candidates like Trump, Ben Carson, and Ted Cruz. Following this week’s debate, is the GOP Trump’s party now? [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s: Last night was the fifth Republican debate, and at one point Donald Trump was interrupted by a heckler yelling at him from offstage. Then the moderators said, “You’ll have more than enough time to speak at your next debate, Hillary.” Conan O’Brien said, “Last night, the GOP debate took place in Las Vegas. CNN said the Republicans chose that location because “nothing says fiscal responsibility and wise choices like Las Vegas.” Jimmy Kimmel said, Ted Cruz has been moving up in the polls but still is only the fourth most popular cruise behind Tom, Penelope, and Carnival.” Seth Meyers said, Donald Trump said last night that despite calling Ted Cruz a “maniac,” he has since learned that Cruz has a “wonderful temperament.” And if Donald Trump thinks you have a “wonderful temperament,” you’re probably a maniac. And Stephen Colbert said, “CNN did everything they could to keep us tuned in for as much of the evening as possible by keeping the start time as vague as possible. They even had a countdown clock for four days ticking down to the big event, but when it hit zero, it just changed to, Moments away.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says according to the History Channel, on this date in 1970, rock star Elvis Presley was greeted at the White House by President Richard M. Nixon and amazingly, it wasn’t even an election year. Presley’s visit was not just a social call: He wanted to meet Nixon in order to offer his services in the government’s war on drugs. Presley died from heart failure in 1977, which the coroner’s report said was due to “undetermined causes.” Speculation abounded, however, that his death was caused by a lethal mix of a variety of prescription drugs and obesity.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose the portion of the notes taken at Nixon’s meeting with Elvis. (You can read that entire memorandum here.)
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” # 10: Quote G. Gordon Liddy: “A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellowman, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.”
GOING GALT: The phrase ‘Going Galt’ doesn’t simply mean getting angry. That would be “Going Postal.” It means having righteous indignation at the injustice of a political system that bails out individuals and institutions for irresponsible behavior and at the expense of those like you who prosper through hard work and personal responsibly.
THIS WEEK IN PATRONAGE COUNTY, Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County. This week’s column titled “Another Exclusive,” which told about political attempts to influence the Press, first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 10, 1980, and was personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY: Today we have the “A Visit From St. Nick” from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, found in “Erotic Christmas Poems,” available at better sticky pages bookstores everywhere.
Ol’ Santa made a special stop
At a town up north named Nome
He found a real cute housewife
Whose husband wasn’t home.
MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says wonders if the Clermont County TEA Party is really going out of business, or might new life be breathed into that group now that many of the Clermont Cronies want to rescind their Congressman’s endorsement after he joined Steve Chabothead and caved in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS one more time?
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL: This week, let’s all re-read “The Alan Falfa Story”
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says with Wall Street heading into its usually buoyant year-end period, continued weakness in oil prices presents a major wildcard that could spoil any holiday cheer for stock investors. With seven full trading days left in the year, plus a shortened Christmas Eve session, some investors say the market remains poised for its traditional strength to close out what has been a sluggish 2015, having moved past the Federal Reserve’s historic decision to raise interest rates.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone who’s willing to help himself from the stores of others, and most Free Grain Party Members were disappointed during Saturday Night’s DemocRAT Party Presidential Debate when Hillary, Bernie, and that other guy wasted all that time babbling about the nation’s security instead of how much FREE Stuff they were going to give away.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put The Positively Worst President in History In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why so many people seem to have trouble finding those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County. “Do you think it’s because the Amish don’t have electricity?” Kane said.
“It’s easy to make jokes about the Amish,” Kane added. “They don’t get e-mail, and they’re not on Facebook, so they won’t know they’ve been offended.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
MONDAY (DECEMBER 21) The Blower will be featuring our Special “Winter Solstice Celebration” E-dition.as we mark the 395 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
TUESDAY (DECEMBER 22) in our Real Subscribers getting ready to attend our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sander’s 9th Annual Christmas Party.
WEDNESDAY, (DECEMBER 23) we’ll be bringing you our Special “Holiday Humbuggery” E-dition, where we’ll criticize Scrooge for turning out to be a real wimp.
THURSDAY (DECEMBER 24) we’ll be talking about the Corruption of Christmas during the Age of Obama, and we’ll be explaining that every day is Christmas for Liberals looking for more free stuff.
THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (DECEMBER 25) LIMERICK IS: “This time my New Year’s Resolution.”
AND SATURDAY (DECEMBER 26) we’ll be celebrating with our Annual “Cinci-Kwanzaabration” E-dition, featuring a special looting and burning section for Racial Activists and Left-Wing Apologists in the News Media promoting the Liberal Agenda.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Senor Steve Chabothead, who’s been in hiding ever since he betrayed all of the Republican Voters in the First District by voting for Chabothead and Wenschmidt caved in to Obama and the Disingenuous DemocRATS one more time, as this Award Winning Illustration from Artis Conception’s Archives clearly shows.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Christmas Video of the Week
Antler Surprise
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