Thursday, December 10, 2015

Isn’t It A Good Thing He’s Not Running Again?

In Tuesday’s Special “Trump’s Triumphs” E-dition, when we explained how 2016 Republican Frontrunner Donald Trump was using people’s Political Correctness against them, The Blower said one of these days, somebody would figure it out. One person who obviously missed the point was Hamilton County Quitter Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann, who got quoted in a Fishwrap column (GOP leader: Party should reject Trump) when he said Trump’s angry rhetoric and controversial comments about Muslims, Hispanics, immigrants, women and the disabled doesn’t represent the values of the Republican Party or of America at large. 

That’s why Plagiarizing Politicians always say, “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

 But if our Feckless Fishwrappers were actually looking for someone who obviously got the point, maybe they should publish this letter:

Cincinnati Enquirer (letters@enquirer.com)
Letter To Editor
After reading your editorial of yesterday vilifying Donald Trump, I had to laugh out loud. Trump’s strategy is simply brilliant. He has so gotten under your/media’s skin, that you are giving him the lion’s share of media time and it has cost him not one red cent. Keep it up and you (i.e media) will elect him President. By the way, what Trump is saying is resonating with a growing number of ordinary American’s who no longer trust government, academia, science{global warming}and the media. These are interesting times.
Tom Dix
Moscow, 0H {314-9086} 

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1901 the first Nobel Prizes were awarded to those, who, during the preceding year, conferred the greatest benefit on humanity. The Blower says maybe this year, the Nobel Committee should repossess the one Obama won in 2009, for making a series of speeches in the first months of his presidency, which convinced the Peace Prize Committee that he was: “creating a new climate of…multilateral diplomacy…an emphasis on the role of the United Nations…of dialogue and negotiations as instruments for resolving international conflicts…and a vision of world free of nuclear arms.” Do you think the Nobel Committee regrets that press release?

MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose P. J. O’Rourke’s “The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke – albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.”

WHISTLEBLOWER 2014 FALL INTERNS JOSIE, ZACK, BRYAN, AND MITCHELL say 24 years ago, when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town, Issue # 29 published on December 11, 1990 featured then-Mayor David S. Mann’s “Vision for Cincinnati.” Let’s all check out how his eyesight is holding up these days.

CONSERVATIVE CURMUDGEON STU MAHLIN wonders which avaricious attorney will making all that money suing the City of Cincinnati after Seven Disingenuous DemocRATS on Cincinnati’s Caring and Compassionate City Clown-cil passed Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback’s Fabulous Ordinance banning conversion therapy for young faggots that would impose a $200-a-day fine on a therapist or counselor practicing the therapy that aims to ‘change’ lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, or transgender people from their sexual orientation or gender identity,” even if therapists only treat heterosexuals who have unwanted same-sex attraction.

AND WHAT A DIFFERENCE A TWO YEARS MAKES: The Blower remembers 104 weeks ago when Republicans for Higher Taxes condemned what was then the latest homophobic attack against Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback. 

FROM FLORIDA, Punta Gorda Bureau Chief Rank Feickel shows why gay guys shouldn’t put Christmas lights on a Palm Tree.

THE WHISTLEBLOWER REPERTORY GROUP has a new member in its latest video showing the Whistleblower Elves in Congress when Santa isn’t watching. Can you guess his identity?

In a related story, The Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus, is still getting complaints because Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s Office failed to give people directions for those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights located near suburban Seamen, no matter how you’re supposed to spell it.

Now for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman at Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the fifth verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by Lt. Colonel Danny Bubp-kis, about whom “Mean Jean” lied on the floor of Congress and wound up as a laughingstock on “Saturday Night Live.” It goes something like this:

            On the Fifth Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
            Five Libelous Liars,
            Four Screeching Tires,
            Three Borgman Cartoons,
            Two Red Dresses,
            And One Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.

          It’s really beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, isn’t it, Portman?

Now here’s an update on that problem plagued Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO:       All our Freaking Employees
DATE:   December 10
RE:       The Freaking Holiday Party

            I have no freaking idea what this damn announcement is all about. What the hell do I care? I KNOW what I’m going to get. You change your address now and you are dead! No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!

Vegetarians? I’ve had it with you people! We’re going to keep this party at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your freaking salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right now! 

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you miserable bastards! Patty, The Bitch from HELL!

 IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says 2016 Republican Presidential Candidate Bluegrass Senator Rand Paul blasted the White House Wednesday after Obama’s Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest suggested Republican front-runner Donald Trump disqualified himself from the 2016 horse race for suggesting the U.S. should temporarily block Muslims from entry.

Paul, whose own amendment to halt visa issuance to individuals seeking to come to the U.S. from 32 Muslim-majority countries failed 10-89 to pass the Senate last Thursday, decided to respond to Earnest’s claim on Twitter with a tirade demonstrating why, he believes, President Obama is “unqualified” for the Oval Office.

 Meanwhile, since we’re all trying to get into the holiday spirit, maybe we could ask for a few holiday decorating tips from our old friend “Blackjack Brian” Richmond, who spent all weekend putting up these Christmas lights on his house, except The Blower thinks Bashful Brian really should’ve asked for a little help.

Brian, who used to work for our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders, says he can hardly wait for The Robster’s Eighth Annual Christmas Party whenever the hell it is, especially since The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) events are being combined.

FINALLY, Horny in Hebron says he never misses is the Annual World Orgasm for Peace Day Orgy at the Fort Mitchell County Club, co-sponsored by Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell and the Northern Kentucky Cougars’ Association. That godless pagan event is on December 21, just in time for Druids to celebrate the Winter Solstice. 

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Me, Greg Hartmann.

HOLIDAY PARTY HOT LINE

e-mail your engraved invitations today.

Some party crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party crashing subscribers

NOT Conservative Political Cartoons

 WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

DARTH TRUMP – Auralnauts

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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