FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2015
Oh, the Hypocrisy!
Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest won Thursday’s “Stupid Liberal Liar Award of Day” outright when he claimed, “No public official is above the law” after Kentucky DemocRAT Clerk Kim Davis was jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licenses.” Exceptions to that claim of course included Obama, Hillary Clinton, Lois Lerner, and the IRS, just to name a few.
How many Christians will have to be jailed before somebody remembers why this country was founded? Some Conservatives argue Religious Freedom was abandoned when the federal judge ignored the federal religious standards of compelling government interest, balanced by the least impactful way of accomplishing the task. In this case, clerk Davis and her attorneys offered several alternatives for compliance: none of which met the standards of the GAYstapo who demanded her head on a platter…or at least behind bars.
Nothing less than complete submission to the Gay Agenda will be tolerated in Obama’s Politically Correct America! How many Christians watched the Sodomy Rites Celebration on the news and were reminded of the Palestinians dancing after 9/11? Obviously, not enough!
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor
Why, it’s none other than Jim Tom Trent, Mayor Elect of Morehead, Kentucky. Jim Tom graduated from Rowan County Senior High School as co-class president in 1986, from Morehead State University with honors in 1990, and from Salmon P. Chase College of Law in 1993. Jim Tom has worked for the City of Morehead, Rowan County Schools, Operation UNITE, the Administrative Office of the Courts as a Family Services Coordinator with Citizen Foster Care Review Boards and at Sunrise Children’s Services as a Foster Care Specialist.
Jim Tom says today he felt like the luckiest man on the face of the earth when Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis chose going to jail to demonstrate her religious convictions by not issuing so–called “marriage licenses” to humping homos who came to Morehead for More Head, where our City’s Motto is “The More Head the Better.”
That’s why The Blower is honored to choose “Jim Tom” to be this week’s guest editor and choose three Heterosexual Stories plus a Heterosexual Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
“ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL” by Boomer Esiason
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
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A University of Mississippi football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
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What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “
“Will the defendant please rise.”
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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the South Carolina football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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What are the longest three years of a University of Florida football player’s life?
Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.
“HOW TO RELAX” by Josh Weitzman
In case you are having a rough day, here’s a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.
- Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.
- Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.
- Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.
- No one knows your secret place.
- You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.
- The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
- The water is so clear that you can make out the face of the Congressman you are holding underwater.
See it worked. You’re smiling. You feel better already.
MASSACHUSETTS SUPREME COURT ORDERS ALL CITIZENS TO GAY MARRY, Stolen from The Onion by Phil Burr-Ass
BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4 million compulsory same-sex marriages that will take place in the state by May 15.
A justice performs a mandatory marriage.
“As we are all aware, it’s simply not possible for gay marriage and heterosexual marriage to co-exist,” Massachusetts Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall said. “Our ruling in November was just the first step toward creating an all-gay Massachusetts.”
Marshall added: “Since the allowance of gay marriage undermines heterosexual unions, we decided to work a few steps ahead and strike down opposite-sex unions altogether.”
Marshall said the court’s action will put a swift end to the mounting debate.
“Instead of spending months or even years volleying this thing back and forth, we thought we might as well just cut to the eventual outcome of our decision to allow gay marriages,” Marshall said. “Clearly, this is where this all was headed anyway.”
The justices then congratulated the state’s 4.8 million marriage-age residents on their legally mandated engagements.
The court issued the surprise order in response to a query from the Massachusetts Senate over whether Vermont-style civil unions, which convey the state-sanctioned benefits of marriage but not the title, are constitutional.
“If the history of our nation has demonstrated anything, it’s that separate is never equal,” Marshall said. “Therefore, any measure short of dismantling conventional matrimony and mandating the immediate homosexual marriage of all residents of Massachusetts would dishonor same-sex unions. I’m confident that this measure will be seen by all right-thinking people as the only solution to our state’s, and indeed America’s, ongoing marriage controversy.”
Marshall then announced her engagement to Holyoke kindergarten teacher Betsy Peterson, a pairing that had been randomly generated by computers in the census office earlier that day.
A state-arranged couple from New Bedford, MA, honeymoons in Aruba.
Those who don’t choose to marry in private will be married in concurrent mass ceremonies at Fenway Park, Gillette Stadium, and the Boston Convention and Exposition Center. Any citizen who is not gay-married or is still in an illegal heterosexual relationship after that date will be arrested and tried for non-support.
Hundreds of confused but vocal protesters lined the street outside the statehouse Monday night, waving both American and rainbow flags. Their chants, which broke out in pockets up and down the street, included, “Hey hey, ho ho, homophobia’s got to go, but frankly, this is fucked up” and “Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, but not Adam and Some Random Guy.” Others held signs that read, “On Second Thought, Boston Christians Are Willing To Consider A Compromise.”
According to police reports, demonstrators were vocal but orderly
“The unholy union of people of the same gender destroys the only type of romantic love sanctioned by Our Lord in Heaven: the love between a man and a woman,” 54-year-old protester Rose Shoults said. “Me and my new partner Helene are going to fry in hell.”
The much-anticipated order sets the stage for Massachusetts’ upcoming constitutional convention, where the state legislature will consider an amendment to legally define marriage as a union between two members of the same gender. Without the order, Rep. Michael Festa said the vote, and his personally dreaded wedding to House Speaker and longtime political opponent Thomas Finneran, would be delayed.
“This is a victory, not only for our state, but for America,” Festa said. “Simply allowing consenting gay adults the same rights as heterosexuals was never the point. By forcing everyone in the state into a gay marriage, we’re setting the stage for our more pressing hidden agendas: mandatory sodomy and, in due time, the legalization of bestiality and pedophilia.”
Massachusetts has one of the highest concentrations of gay households in the country, at 1.3 percent, according to the 2000 census. Under the new laws, the figure is expected to increase by approximately 98.7 percentage points.
Remember, it’s not plagiarism if you tell where you stole it!
AND A QUICKIE By Michael Harlow
Essential difference between Liberals and Conservatives is that Liberals could not exist without Conservatives defending their freedom and support them economically.
Conservatives, on the other hand, could exist live quite well without Liberals.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
TED CRUZ Takes Judge In Clerk Case To Woodshed- MIKE HUCKABEE: We must defend #ReligiousLiberty!
- BOBBY JINDAL: I absolutely do believe people have a First Amendment right, a constitutional right.
- SCOTT WALKER: You Have The Freedom To Practice Religious Beliefs Out There
- RAND PAUL: I Think It’s Absurd To Put Someone In Jail For Exercising Their Religious Liberty.
- LINDSEY GRAHAM: As A Public Official, Comply With The Law Or Resign.
- JOHN KASICH: “It’s The Law Of The Land. It’s The Way That America Functions.
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said people would be spending the Union Day weekend:
(A) Honoring American workers: 2%
(B) Sitting in traffic: 2%
(C) Looking for full-time jobs: 2%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
DemocRAT Delusions
This week, everybody who remembered how much good it did for Ohio’s Former Dumpy DemocRAT Now-First District Congressman Steve Drinkhaus when Obama had to waste a holiday by flying in to appear at that Crappy Union Day event at Coney Island in 2009, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is former local AFL-CIO Union Goon Rad Danford, who says he’s still proud of CODE’s Diana Frey and the FOP’s Kathy Harrell for the honesty and integrity they’ve shown representing their union brothers and sisters over the years, along with the Distinguished DemocRATS on City Clown-cil who still haven’t figured out how to fund all those union pensions at America’s Worst Run City, especially after they spent all that money on their stupid Trolley Folly that has yet to carry a single passenger a single foot.
Rad wins gift cards from Wal-Mart and Biggs, where he can save money on all that non-union made merchandise; a personal ObamaCare Exeption, and free parking at the Crappy Union Day event at Coney Island with no big name political speakers since Obama would much rather be spending Labor Day golfing or at a $32,400-per-plate Hollywood fund-raiser hanging out with Union goons where AFL-CIO Chief Richard Trumka now admits Unions made some mistakes writing ObamaCare and bankrupting their employers with their unending and unsustainable demands. His winning limerick is:
Here’s what we’ll celebrate on this Labor Day:
The fact Obama’s Recovery has not yet come our way.
We voted for Obama,
Now we’ll have a big trauma
And for sure, it’ll be a lot more to pay.
And from the Anderson Laureate, who says “I’m sure glad I don’t live in Cincinnati.”
Here’s what we’ll celebrate on this Labor Day,
We’ll be looking for jobs with high pay!
Because during Obama’s Recovery,
We made a discovery:
It’s strictly part-time work and low wages today.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you watch the Bungals this year”
POLUTIONFEST HOT LINE
e-mail us your incendiary invocations today.
Western & Southern/WEBN Fireworks
Presented By Cincinnati Bell At Riverfest In Cincinnati That Will Not Be On TV
Some air-polluting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally air-polluting subscribers.
Whistleblower VIDEO of the Day
DONALD TRUMP signs RNC Loyalty Pledge
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
