THURSDAY, JULY 30, 2014
Cincinnati Made the National News Again
This time with the story about “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ well-orchestrated press conference where the Hamilton County Prosecutor announced Deters’ Grand Jury had actually indicted University of Cincinnati Police Officer Ray Tensing on 1 count of Murder (Special Felony) and 1 count of Voluntary Manslaughter (Felony 1) in the July 19 shooting death of Samuel Dubose, who’d been pulled over for a missing front license plate. But wouldn’t it be funny if bad guys like Timothy McVey and Ted Bundy had both been stopped for no front license plates? The Blower wonders what our esteemed prosecutor thinks of those stops.
Noted Legal Observer Amicus Curiae says the only thing that would have been more surprising would have been if Joe had called the indicted officer “scum.”
This indictment shows the overwhelming value of on-officer video to both police departments and to the community. Without the video, there would be no evidence to contradict the officer’s report. Instead, the video shows that the report was completely fictitious and misleading. Come to think of it, why don’t all police agencies in this region employ the use of body cameras for police officers?
The result also strongly supports the decision of the prosecuting attorney to release the video only after the conclusion of the investigation and grand jury proceedings. The media was self-righteously demanding the video when it was laying the foundation for the indictment. Releasing it early, just because the Fishwrap and street activists were demanding it, would have compromised the investigation.
And of course we saw the self-righteous Fishwrap, Dissociated Press, and four local TV stations pushing for release of the video because putting themselves into news stories as heroes is good for their self-congratulatory image of themselves.
Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us his take on what happened.
CONSERVATIVE CHATTER: North Carolina Republican Congressman Mark Meadows introduced a resolution to fire John Boehner as Speaker of the House, and end the Boehner blunder once and for all. In retaliation, John Boehner threatened to cut Meadows’ nuts off. Conservative Web Sites are rallying for Meadows’ defense, hoping to raise money for themselves to send Boehner a message.
DISINGENUOUS DEMOCRATS want you to sign Obama’s birthday card, but only after you donate money to the DemocRAT National Committee.
AND HERE’S A BLAST FROM THE PAST: Linda Tripp says Hillary must never be president? The Daily Mail reminds us about the scandal that saw Bill Clinton impeached and which threatened to bring down his presidency. For many, it continues to define it to this day. But according to the woman who outed Monica Lewinsky as the president’s mistress, the real story was never about Monica. It was about ‘subornation of perjury, obstruction of justice… a true abuse of power.’ And it was about Hillary. Because, according to Linda Tripp, it was Hillary who manipulated and stage managed the story, converting herself from a lackluster First Lady with unimpressive approval ratings to admirable First Victim – the blindsided wife standing by her man. Do you think anybody will be tasteless enough to mention any of this when Hillary testifies before the House committee investigating the 2012 attack in Benghazi, Libya, on October 22?
These days, Author Ronald Kessler says our ex-Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton still has a Blonde, Busty Mistress, and she’s been code named Energizer by agents if you know what we mean.
ALL IN THE FAMILY: The Daily Caller reports John Kerry’s daughter is married to an Iranian-American with extensive ties to Iran. Politicians like to keep their families off-limits to the press, a decorum enforced vigorously when it comes to politicians who are in favor with the national media but ruthlessly discarded for others. But in Kerry’s case, there could be larger ramifications, including why Obama’s Doofus Secretary of State caved in to Iran during his disastrous Nuke Deal, which looks worse every day.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1965, President Johnson signed Medicare into law, and thus began the most enormous strain of all on the federal budget. Throughout its history, Congress would make sure the program would be plagued by fraud (committed by patients, doctors, and hospitals) that would cost over-taxed payers countless trillions of dollars.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says after looking at Obama’s ObamaCare Mess, that’s why we chose Aaron Sorkin’s “And my friends, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
TROUBLE-MAKING TAIL-GAITER TINO DELGATO says Bungals Coach Marvin Lewis is staying till he delivers a Super Bowl. It appears he must have a lifetime contract. If he leads the Bungals to the Super Bowl, will that mean he’s buying 100 tickets for them? Meanwhile, the Reds are in another dump and reload program. UC is being shut out from joining the Power Five football conferences. But on the good side High School Football starts in a month. Go Figure!!!
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo remembers last year when everybody was getting ready to travel down to Fancy Farm (wherever the hell that is) on Saturday to hear all those wonderful speeches, but The Blower seemed to be the only local media outlet following the progress of “Honest Gil” Fulbright, a fake candidate running for U.S. Senate in Kentucky during the most expensive Senate Race in American history between Republican Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell and challenger Alison Wondergams Grimes.
That race between McConnell and Grimes was on pace to cost an unprecedented $100 million. Over three quarters of both candidates’ money was coming from outside of Kentucky, including a who’s who of big money special interests. When it costs that much to win an election, the candidates become dependent on their funders, not on the people they’re supposed to represent. As a result, the issues that matter to the people go unsolved. Enter, Gil Fulbright. Gil was a satirical Senate candidate — an “honest politician” who would openly take any position on any issue… for the right price.
Fulbright was set to formally announce his candidacy at the annual Fancy Farm Picnic in Western Kentucky on Saturday. At noon on the preceeding Wednesday, Fulbright’s campaign reportedly had raised $70,032.
And just like Commissioners Filch, Pilfer, and Swindle in The Blower’s “Patronage County” Parody, “Honest Gil” sounds like a lot of politicians we know.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how The Blower would be celebrating “National Cheesecake Day” today.
“It all depends on your meaning of Cheesecake,” Kane explained. “If you’re talking about a kind of rich dessert cake made with cream and soft cheese on a graham cracker, cookie, or pastry crust, typically topped with a fruit sauce, we could all pig out at the Cheesecake Factory.”
“I prefer our other choice,” said our Good Friend Bobby Leach, “I’ve always defined Cheesecake as photography, a movie, or art that portrays women in a manner emphasizing stereotypical sexual attractiveness. Like a Cheesecake photo of a woman cooking wearing only an apron, if you know what I mean.”
“Good, we’ll use your definition,” Kane said. “Now call Phil Burr-ass and tell him to look in his garage for some of his old nudie magazines, so we can have a real celebration.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Phil Burr-ass.
ALSO REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
IS IT COLLECTION TIME AGAIN?
Once again, it’s “Collection Time,” and this weekend your Neighborhood News Boy or Girl will be stopping by to collect $3.50 for delivery of this month’s Blower. The children retain half of this amount plus any tips you give them to reward good service.
This week we’re featuring Alan Falfa who used to turn over all the money he made to his mother to deposit in his college fund, but she would always steal his money and spend it on cheap booze. But that was before he became a Whistleblower Neighborhood News Boy. For information about our carrier program, please call Mr. Scamwell at our circulation department.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our July fund-raising drive from Represent.US using fake politicians to make fun of the really fake politicians we’ve already elected.
CHEESECAKE DAY HOT LINE
e-mail your ribald recipes today.
Some cheesecake loving items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally cheesecake loving subscribers, but we could always use more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
PROGRESSIVISM: EMPIRE OF LIES
Published on May 1, 2015: Sarah Silverman was getting paid less than a male stand-up comedian. The Rape Culture at the University of Virginia. Memories Pizza refusing service to Gay People. Treyvon Martin and Michael Brown assassinated in cold blood for the crime of being black. Racism pervading the TEA Party. All of it shocking, disgraceful and repugnant… if only any of it were… you know… true.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
