THURSDAY, JULY 23, 2015

The Latest From The Conservative Clinic!

Lately at their most recent medical checkups, many Conservatives have been diagnosed with acute cases of Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic Whitehouse Fatigue (PIST-AWF). For those of you who do not know what that is, PIST-AWF is a newly defined disease that is now being found to be widespread and highly contagious.

In January, 2015, Doctors at the Center for Disease Control released a statement disclosing a malignant malady that has already infected over half of the United States and is anticipated to continue to spread.

The disease itself affects the cells of a person’s entire body then goes dormant. The disease ravages the body and leaves serious side effects. These side effects have been labeled as PIST-AWF.

Symptoms include:

Severe pain of the scalp from pulling your own hair while viewing your pathetic president pander to Muslim terrorists.

Loose bowels from swallowing the fact we elected Obama twice.

 Extreme hunger due to vomiting from nightly seeing terrorists murdering innocent people.

 Bleeding from the eyes. This is not Ebola. It is your eyes reacting to accidentally flipping to a channel that shows Al Sharpton as a legitimate news show host. 

If you feel you have Post Islamic Stress Trauma with Apologetic White House Fatigue, please notify your local election board and place your name on the list for a cure. It is expected, and sincerely hoped, that the cure will be available on Election Day 2016 in only 474 more days.