FRIDAY, JULY 24, 2015 

Orchestrating Another Race Riot

If The Blower didn’t know better, we might be beginning to believe our Kneepad Liberals in the Local News Media were doing their best to stir up a real race riot like the one in 2001 over that shooting of Samuel Dubose by University of Cincinnati police officer Ray Tensing. What kind of homicide investigation gets finished in two days, anyway? The Blower bets the Prosecutor’s office won’t have all the evidence to present to the Grand Jury until at least next week. And all those media orchestrated “rallies of outraged family and friends,” along with race-baiting statements by self serving DemocRAT Politicians like Mayor Cranley and Cecil Thomas aren’t calming things down either. Is this the kind of award winning journalism we can expect from Peter Bhatia, the newly named Editor and Vice President of Audience Engagement at Liberal Agenda Fishwrap, who, according to his resume is a multiple Pulitzer Prize-winning editor who has spearheaded meaningful journalism and digital advances at numerous news sites across the country? Welcome to Cincinnati, Pete. So far you’re doing just great!

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

         Why it’s our old friend “JayWalking Joe” Deters, who suddenly has a lot more free time ever since he barricaded himself inside the Hamilton County Prosecutor’s Office, afraid to come out and face the media orchestrated rally demanding he call the police officer a “soulless and unsalvageable thug,” like he called those Black criminals after they left a white man beaten and bloody along with two Cincinnati Police Officers injured during their historic Fourth of July Beatdown on Fountain Square. That’s why Deters, the greatest Hamilton County Prosecutor since Mike Allen, is also busy hiring more assistants to handle the anticipated increased caseloads during Obama’s Summer of Racial Violence.

And because our Hamilton County Prosecutor also swears under penalty of perjury that “nothing racist was ever stated or implied” during the telling of jokes whenever The Old JayWalker has lunch with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane, The Blower, where nothing politically incorrect is also never stated or implied, is pleased to permit him to chose three items plus a quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists.

EIGHT MAGIC WORDS By Rufus Redneck 

I am going to reveal to you eight magic words.           

With these words you will have a new understanding of issues you have contemplated at length.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have entirely different influences in music and movies, and language.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have a much smaller national deficit.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less turmoil in America.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have all of our great cities prospering as well as the small towns.

If these words were spoken years ago, we would have far less violence and have far less need for gun control. 

Ready?

“We should have picked our own damn cotton.”

YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM By Jeff Foxworthy 

If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, you may be a Muslim.

If you own a £3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes, you may be a Muslim.

If you have more wives than teeth, you may be a Muslim.

If you wipe your butt with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean, you may be a Muslim.

If you think vests come in two styles (Bullet-proof and suicide), you may be a Muslim

If you can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against, you may be a Muslim.

If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing, you may be a Muslim.

If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, you may be a Muslim.

If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four, you may be a Muslim. 

And if you find this offensive or racist and don’t forward it, you may be a Muslim.

THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE By Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas 

Since the Pledge of Allegiance and the Lord’s Prayer are not allowed in most public schools these days (because the word “God” is mentioned), two new new kids at our Anderson High School in the Forrest Gump School District offer his “New Pledge of Allegiance”:

Now I sit me down in school,
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That’s no offense; it’s a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice. 

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God’s name is prohibited by the state.

We’re allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks…
They’ve outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the ‘unwed daddy,’ our Senior King.
It’s ‘inappropriate’ to teach right from wrong,
We’re taught that such ‘judgments’ do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles…
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It’s scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school’s a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!

AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach

A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, and a Black Guy walk into a Bar.

The bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”

More Conservative Agenda Cartoons

Putting the Right Slant on the News!

Stories We’re Working On

• KENYA Ready For Obama’s Return Home
• TRUMP’S Run For The Border
• DEMS Drop Thomas Jefferson And Andrew Jackson From Dinner Name
• NANCY PELOSI: Ignore Planned Parenthood Selling Aborted Babies, Investigate Pro-Lifers
• FBI: Evans Much More Than A “Mulch Guy”
• ANDERSON DAZE: Trustees To Be Dunked in Beer
• CONFEDERATE FLAGS: Will They Fly At Kentucky State Fair?

TODAY’S STUPID LIBERAL LIAR AWARD

CNN reports several Disingenuous DemocRATS are pressing Obama’s Pro-Abortion Attorney General Loretta Lynch to investigate the group behind controversial videos depicting Planned Parenthood staff discussing the sale of aborted fetal tissue. Four House D-RATS — Jan Schakowsky, Zoe Lofgren, Jerry Nadler, and Yvette Clarke — are asking for a probe into whether the Center for Medical Progress, a nonprofit group that opposes abortion, violated state or federal laws by pretending to work for a company to record the Planned Parenthood executives without their permission.

“This is a new low, even for anti-abortion activists who will stop at nothing in their effort to undermine a woman’s right to choose,” Illinois DemocRAT Congresswoman Schakowsky said in a statement.

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said was the worst part about a summer heat wave in Greater Cincinnati:
(A) Feeling guilty for not giving free fans to the homeless: 2%
(B) The way an elevator smells if you’re a midget: 1%
(C) Really high electricity bills from Duke: 1%
(D) Those idiot weather guessers on TV: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

It’s What Liberals Live For

This week, everybody who believes Faux Outrage is always justified to create a controversy for the purpose of political smearing, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is local Black Community Organizer Rastifus Racebaiter, who could hardly wait for Al Sharpton’s speech at the National Urban League Convention in Cincinnati this week.

Rastifus wins a Trayvon Martin Died For Your Sins T-Shirt, an Official Jesse Jackson Race Card, and nude photos of Al Sharpton’s gold-digger girlfriend. His winning entry is:

Liberal outrage is all phony and fake
And so are demands that they make.
It doesn’t have to be true,
When the media’s with you,
It’s what makes Conservatives shake.

And from the Anderson Laureate (Who hopes nobody calls him a racist)
Liberal outrage is all phony and fake,
It’s what makes Right-Wingers shake.
Because Jesse and Al,
With no rationale,
Will never give Whitey a break.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Here’s who to thank when you succeed”

CONSERVATIVE COUNTERATTACK HOT LINE

E-mail your Republican Responses today

Some political strategy items in today’s Blower  were sent in by our equally political strategic subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Lindsey Graham’s Campaign Video

Showing Why He Has Zero Support in the Polls

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