TUESDAY, JULY 21, 2015
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Can’t you just feel the excitement? Today’s the day everybody’s been waiting for, when I finally announce I’ll be the 16th 2016 Republican Candidate for President. —Ohio Governor John Kasich
After Kasich’s “Special Announcement” in Columbus this morning, the governor will be travelling to New Hampshire, South Carolina, Iowa, and Michigan for some even more exciting campaign news. —America for Kasich
We can hardly wait to see Kasich’s score in our next survey of Ohio Conservatives. —Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski
Would my endorsement help Ohio’s Favorite Son Candidate with Conservative Republicans? —Ohio RINO Gay Marriage Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman, Who Also Offered His Endorsement to Jeb Bush
Even if the Governor from the Great State of Ohio is not included as one of the top ten candidates in the first 2016 GOP Presidential Debate in Cleveland on August 6, we will find a nice place for him to sit along with all the other Loser Candidates. —Republican National Committee
If 31% of Likely U.S. Voters say the country is heading in the right direction, doesn’t that really mean 69% don’t? —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
There’s no Liberal Bias in the news media, just because we had 493 mentions of the Confederate flag since June 17 and only 7 mentions of the Planned Parenthood scandal during the first six days after that story broke. —CNN
People who call Muhammad Youssef Abdulazeez a Murdering Muslim Terrorist are all “Racists!” —Obama Supporters at #MurderingMuslimLivesMatter
We addressed many of the Nation’s most important problems in Monday’s Edition by blaming Republicans in Congress. —The Whistleblower Focus Group
Tell those Republicans in Congress to do something. Things have gotten so bad, my children are out of work. They’ve all moved back home with me along with the grandchildren, and not one of those ingrates is even willing to clean up his own room. —Mama Maruska, Retired Homemaker
If Republicans in Congress would only forget about Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations, we could all get ready for that big Million Muslim March on September 11 in support of Islamic Radicals on the 14th anniversary of the attack on America that claimed 2,996 lives. — Muslim Sympathizer Awan Afuqya
If Republicans in Congress would only forget about “Obama’s Latest Distraction” to deflect from all those scandals that aren’t so phony after all, we might’ve had a few more TEA Party Patriots waving “Impeach Obama” signs at an Anti-Illegal Immigration Protest on Saturday, like we saw two years ago in Kenton, Campbell, and Boondoggle Counties when Vonda Pickens and her Northern Kentucky TEA Party rabble rousers took to the barricades. —TEA Party Tim
How many volunteers will we need to work at Anderson Daze this weekend if organizers once again include our Township Trustees Dunking Booth? —Anderson Township Republican Club
On this date in 1925, the Monkey Trial ended in Dayton, Tennessee with John Thomas Scopes being convicted of teaching evolution in violation of Tennessee law, and Scopes was ordered to pay a fine of $100, the minimum the law allowed. Meanwhile, over at our place, John Thomas Scopes would be banned for life. —The Answers in Genesis Lizard Museum
That’s why we chose Charles Darwin’s “Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped, probably arboreal in its habits.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
Will this year’s Fancy Farm Picnic next weekend again be the premier political event in Kentucky? —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
Do you think people will ask why I haven’t kept a single promise I made during the 2014 campaign? —RINO Senate Majority Leader Bitch McConnell
Will TEA Party Guy Matt Bevin try to distance himself from those brutal Republican Governors Association ads attacking me as an Obama liberal? —Disingenuous DemocRAT Gubernatorial Candidate Jack Conway
Does anybody remember last year when I tried to launch my U.S. Senate campaign at the annual Fancy Farm Picnic, even though I wouldn’t actually appear on the ballot — and even though I wasn’t even a real person. —”Honest” Gil Fulbright
If Republicans in Congress would only forget to investigate the IRS Targeting Obama’s Enemies AKA Law Abiding Conservatives, I could just sit home alone waiting for Charlie to call, except every time the phone rings it’s just another recorded message from Michelle Obama telling me it’s “Unacceptable” For House Republicans to reverse her School Lunch Mandate. —Norma Rashid, Former TV5 Anchorwoman
If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about finding full-time jobs for unemployed Americans, Obama could follow Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz’s advice and shut down his Internal Revenue Service and turn all those IRS employees who still owe money on their own taxes loose to police the U.S.-Mexico border. —Earl Pitts, Taxidermist
If Republicans in Congress would only stop worrying about demands to bail out unions in Detroit, maybe AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka will explain why the Supreme Court keeps ruling against a union’s ability to collect union dues from scabs who don’t want to belong to the union. — Ed Norton, Still Furloughed Northern Kentucky Sewer Worker
Next week we’ll be trying our best to get an interview with Honest Gil Fullbright. —Trish the Dish at Channel 19 News
The most fun part of my job is flying over the Northern Kentucky Nudist Camp in Florence as well as the Paradise Gardens at 6100 Blue Rock Road in Colerain Township. —Dan Carroll, WCPO-TV’s Chopper 9 Helicopter Voyeur
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Dan Carroll.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of so-called Focus Groups to show that people lie about why they do things, confusing what they wish with what they actually believe (unconscious lies), they make up reasons to justify their preference to themselves, and say what they think the moderator wants to hear (polite lies), and they contradict themselves without realizing it. 
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially members of the Whistleblower Focus Group.
KASICH WET DREAM FOR PRESIDENT HOT LINE
e-mail your job applications for the Kasich Administration today.
Some money-grubbing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally money-grubbing subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
New “White Privilege Tax” for all White People Supported by Minorities in Shocking Racism Experiment
Published on Jul 20, 2015: In a shocking experiment, media analyst Mark Dice asks minorities in San Diego, California to sign a petition to support adding a “White Privilege Tax” on the income of all white Americans to help fund social programs for minority communities to offset Caucasians’ supposed “white privilege.” The results are disturbing.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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