THURSDAY, JULY 16, 2015

A Real Reason to Celebrate

           City Leaders were congratulating themselves all day Wednesday for the lack of violence during the five-day All Star Weekend, especially after that mob of “Unruly Black Yoofs” left a white man beaten and bloody along with two Cincinnati Police Officers injured during their historic Fourth of July Beatdown on Fountain Square.

But The Blower believes they weren’t giving enough credit to the Thoughtful Thugs who were so grateful Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters wasn’t charging them with Hate Crimes, they held off shooting each other until the last All Star out was recorded; a second teen was arrested for that South Cumminsville slaying; and Cincinnati police Lt. Danita Pettis Deters reported Mordecia Black, the 28-year-old “Yoof” Thug who led the July 4 beating on Government Square, was taken into custody Wednesday afternoon.

Meanwhile, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says the Reds really hope you enjoyed the All Star Game, because there’ll be nothing more to cheer for at Mediocre American Ball Park for the rest of 2015.

A RECORD NUMBER OF VIEWERS logged on to our “No Nudes in Northside” E-dition earlier today, as well as clicking on links to Paradise Gardens, Cedar Trails Nudist Resort, and the trailer for The Naked News. As soon as Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas has a web site for his Family Friendly Nudist Camp and Marina opening on the Ohio River near the Belterra Racino, The Blower will be happy to provide that, too.

In a related item Nudist Item, 5,000 Naked Kenyans will be greeting Obama to protest his “Aggressive” Pro-Gay Agenda, “Showing Him The Difference Between A Man And A Woman” during a peaceful demonstration against homosexuality on July 22 and 23.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on today’s date in 1999 JFK Jr. was killed in a plane crash and I’m surprised our Kneepad Liberals in the Press haven’t found a way to work that Dead Kennedy into endorsements for Obama and Hillary today.”

A FEW JFK, JR. JOKES they’ll be telling on Martha’s Vineyard during Obama’s upcoming vacation include: Q. What does JFK Jr. miss most about Martha’s Vineyard? A. The runway, Q. What was JFK Jr. drinking at the time of the crash? A. Ocean Spray, Q. How did JFK Jr. learn how to fly? A. He took a crash course, and Q. What will it take to bring the Kennedy family back together? A. One more mishap!

And speaking of jokes, Jimmy Fallon said, “It was announced today that Iran has reached a deal with the U.S. to limit its nuclear program and send most of its uranium to Russia. Then Americans said, ‘That’s great! Wait, WHAT?” Conan O’Brien said, “The Obama administration announced a deal with Iran that would prevent the Iranians from making a nuclear weapon. In exchange, we’re giving the Iranians Netflix.” And we heard on Late Night With Seth Meyers, “According to a new poll, 55 percent of Americans do not trust that Iran will abide by the terms of the nuclear deal. It’s the same 55 percent who are running for the Republican nomination.”

And Wednesday Obama was comparing himself to Ronald Reagan after he announced his Dumbed Down Iran Nuke Deal. Do you think that might even qualify for today’s Stupid Liberal Liar Award?

AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane why yesterday’s and today’s final e-ditions were so late coming out.

“Tuesday afternoon when everybody in Anderson’s electric was knocked out, the storm also caused a large tree to fall across Duke’s electric lines at The Whistleblower’s World Headquarters,” Kane explained. “Tuesday night, the electricity came back on, we finally got Wednesday ‘Political Pastimes’ on the web shortly before midnight, and Duke Energy said they’d stop by on Wednesday to pick the lines up off the ground.

“But when the Duke Energy Emergency Crew finally stopped by late Wednesday afternoon, they turned off the electricity and told us we needed to find an electrician to reinstall the brackets that had been pulled away from the building during the storm, and we could call them as soon as that was done and they would return to reattach the wire to our building.

 “Miraculously, the electrician came and did his job. Duke Energy actually returned and only several hours after Duke had turned off our electricity late Wednesday afternoon, we were once again back in business, but it looked like it would be another late night putting out Thursday’s “Thoughtful Thugs” E-dition. We hope it was worth the wait,” Kane added.  

FINALLY, WE HAVE BLUEGRASS BIKINIS: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says the Summer Heat Wave continues and everybody’s headed to the swimming pool these days.

Naturally, Miss Vicki says Northern Kentucky ladies want to look their best, and young entrepreneurs are springing up to take advantage of the economic opportunities. For example, Horny in Hebron’s son Hugo is now offering Bikini Waxes. We wonder where the kid got that idea.   

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Horny in Hebron’s son Hugo.

 IS IT COLLECTION TIME AGAIN? 

Once again, it’s “Collection Time,” and this weekend your Neighborhood News Boy or Girl will be stopping by to collect $3.50 for delivery of this month’s Blower. The children retain half of this amount plus any tips you give them to reward good service.

This week we’re featuring Alan Falfa who used to turn over all the money he made to his mother to deposit in his college fund, but she would always steal his money and spend it on cheap booze. But that was before he became a Whistleblower Neighborhood News Boy. For information about our carrier program, please call Mr. Scamwell at our circulation department.

 More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our July fund-raising drive by the Bikini Waxers Association, not currently being taxed under the new Obamacare guidelines like John Boehner’s Tanning Parlors.

BIKINI WAXERS HOT LINE

E-mail your appointment preferences today.

Some bikini waxing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally bikini waxing Whistleblower Subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.  

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Marcy’s Waxing Salon

(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Marsie Newbold, who spells her name differently, but still gave her dog a wax job.

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

 Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here