MONDAY, JULY 13, 2015

How About a Whistleblower All Star Game?

Tomorrow they’re still planning to have that Major League All Star Baseball Game in Cincinnati, in case you haven’t heard, and everybody town is looking for ways to hype the story, and today at the Conservative Agenda, everybody’s wishing there was All Star Game for Whistleblowers in the News Business, because for sure, at least eight of our Snitches and Bitches would be in the starting line-up on that game, bettering the Cincinnati Reds’ All-Time All Star Record in 1957.

Of course, The Liberal Agenda Fishwrap is encouraging local Pete Rose fans to continue to look forward to seeing their hometown hero honored at home plate reinstatement ceremonies before the Major League Baseball All Star Game Tuesday night. Pete Rose is also expected to throw out the first pitch, sing the National Anthem, injure the American League catcher during a re-enactment of his famous Ray Fosse slide into home plate, sign autographs for $100 apiece, and collect his share of the split-the-pot jackpot during the 7th Inning Stretch, but some of that might not happen, except the part about signing autographs for $100 apiece.

But at the Whistleblower All Star Game, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall would be calling the play-by-play at the, Bunky Tadwell would be doing the color commentary, and of course, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane would be throwing out the first pitch.

Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel would be bringing you the latest All-Star Scandals. 

Our Freebie Gourmet would be sampling the finest food at local restaurants.

CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street would be Twittering about local arrests, and KimBall Perry would be called in to cover “Unruly Yoofs.”  

Alternate Lifestyles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis would like to be cheerleaders, along with our Cross-Dressing Attorney.

Bobby Leach would be reporting on how those secret messages in those little soap packages were cutting down on prostitution and sex trafficking, but the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team would be most concerned with illegal sales of knock-off merchandise at the Whistleblower All Star Game.

Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders would be reporting on all the people from Columbus attending the game. Hoosier Daddy would be interviewing the visitors from Indiana, and in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo, Horny from Hebron, and the Vanilla Hills Vigilante would be reporting from the South Shore.

Meanwhile, of course, our Compassionate Conservative would be looking for human interest stories to warm the cockles of your hearts, just like he always does.

NOTE: There will be no Stupid Streetcar construction going on in downtown Cincinnati during the Whistleblower All Star Game, but work will resume instantly afterwards.