SATURDAY, JULY 11, 2015
Happy All Star Weekend, Everybody!
And Obsessive Cincinnati Reds Fans are expecting nothing less than to see hometown hero Pete Rose honored at home plate re-instatement ceremonies sometime before Tuesday’s Major League Baseball All Star Game. Pete Rose is also expected to throw out the first pitch, sing the National Anthem, injure the American League catcher during a re-enactment of his famous Ray Fosse slide into home plate, and collect his share of the split-the-pot jackpot during the 7th Inning Stretch.
Hurley the Historian remembers 1957 when fan voting to determine the game’s starters was completed, seven Cincinnati Redlegs players (Ed Bailey, Johnny Temple, Roy McMillan, Don Hoak, Frank Robinson, Gus Bell and Wally Post) had been elected to start in the All-Star Game; the only non-Redleg elected to start for the National League was St. Louis Cardinal first baseman Stan Musial.
Trouble-making Tail-gaiter Tino DelGato says the Reds could have put a retractable roof on their ball park (aka GAB). The All Star game was postponed due to rain in 1969. It was played the following Wednesday afternoon. The Reds have about twenty rain delays per year some lasting over two hours. They have already canceled (postponed) one game versus the Cubs. With 38% of fans coming from outside of Cincinnati during the season the Reds could have drawn three million fans if they had put on a retractable roof. Those extra fans and happier fans would have paid the price of that retractable roof. Plus alternate uses for GAB such as concerts. Keep an eye on those skies for Monday (Home Run Derby) and Tuesday’s All Star game. Something tells me they will play come “hell or high water. Go Figure!!!
Speaking of other really big losers, over at the Cincinnati Business Crapper Chris Wetterich reports Cincinnati City Manager Harry Black proposed paying Police Chief Jeffrey “I’m Still Not Panicking” Blackwell a year’s salary in May if he quit his job, according to terms of Blackwell’s proposed severance the city released on Friday. The city’s release of the three-page document came 42 days after requested a copy of it under Ohio’s Public Records Act, which requires that such documents be released in a “reasonable period of time.” [READ MORE HERE]
The Blower says, considering Da Chief’s pathetic performance since May, his final severance package should be a whole lot less.
Down at Cincinnati’s Stupidity Sanctuary, Budget Cuts eliminated Mounted Patrols to save the Trolley Folly, 
so the next time there’s a mob of Black yoofs rioting on Fountain Square, they could always send in the Stupid Street Car.
That’s because several years ago, some City Council members tried to force Cincinnati’s Last Real Police Chief, Tom Streicher to dissolve the Mounted Patrol Unit as a means of addressing the budget crisis. His response was always consistent in telling them there was no real savings in dissolving that unit, since the overwhelming majority (90+%) of the expense was in personnel costs. Simply closing the barn and transferring the officers provided no real savings.
The next issue was ridding the agency of horses ($5,000 each plus hay and oats) and purchasing marked patrol cars ($50,000-75,000 each plus gas, oil, tires, etc.) as replacements. The math seemed simple.
The final consideration was the effectiveness of the horses and riders along with the incredible public relations benefits they delivered. Sitting tall and high-in-the-saddle allows officers to see over crowds, easily manage crowds like the brutal savages that attacked Fountain Square last weekend, and everybody loves the horses. It was great PR for the city and the CPD!
ENTER fourteen-star flunky Chief Craig whose standard operating procedure was to kiss everyone’s ass to keep them happy. Craig jumped on the band wagon almost immediately and dismantled the unit – “as a cost savings measure,” although everybody should’ve known that was total bullshit.
The obvious result is the city will now incur millions of dollars in unnecessary costs to bring back a mounted patrol unit that never should have been dismantled. Philadelphia made the same mistake and it cost the City of Brotherly Love $5 million to bring back the unit. More solid waste produced from a City Council meddling in the minutia and trying to micro-manage the police department.
By the way, and just for the record, the effort to disband Cincinnati’s Mounties was spearheaded by that useless idiot Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin!
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1804, Thomas Jefferson’s Vice President Aaron Burr fatally shot his long-time political antagonist Alexander Hamilton in a duel, but the only thing you have to worry about our current Joke Vice president shooting off is his mouth. Now you know why Our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E. Rob Sanders had to re-affirm a no-dueling oath when he was sworn into office.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Mark Twain’s “I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him.”
IN COLUMBUS: Buckeye Bureau Chief Gerry Manders says this Sunday and Monday (July 12 and 13) Ohio Governor John Kasich will be campaigning for President in New Hampshire. Which is a good thing, because that means he won’t be screwing things up back in Ohio this weekend.
Citizens for Community Values President Phil Burr-ass wonders if now that 20th Century Fox is developing a film about Cincinnati’s U.S. Supreme Court case that made Same-Sex Sodomy a nationwide right, will Ohio Same Sex Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman be shown gaying up the GOP Platform the Traditional Marriage Platform Plank at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland?
It’s for sure our Same-Sex Supporting Senator won’t be supporting fellow Republican Ted Cruz’s “State Marriage Defense Act of 2015” or Mike Lee’s “First Amendment Defense Act,” and in the Ohio Legislature, we wonder if Portman would even support Urbana Republican Nino Vitale’s “Ohio Pastors Protection Act,” to protect pastors who cite religious beliefs for not performing same-sex marriages that will soon be introduced in the Ohio House of Representatives.
Meanwhile, the DemocRATS Senate Campaign Committee wants you to sign another preposterous political petition (and donate money). This time, it’s because America’s Lesbian Soccer Team that won the World Cup is paid nearly 40 times less than men.
AND IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo Kentucky will the center of the auto racing universe, when the Confederate Flag 400 is run at Kentucky Speedway. Talk about your economic impact! All those people!
And what a high class type of fans NASCAR attracts.
Also in Northern Kentucky, July 11 is “Cheer Up the Lonely Day” when everybody’s supposed to make a lonely person feel loved and wanted. Larry from Ludlow says you should think of someone who might be lonely and try to cheer that person up. Sending cards or making a telephone call is okay, but only if that person lives too far away to visit. What a lonely person really needs is face-to-face time with other people. Maybe that’s why our good friend Larry says whenever he’s sad and lonely, the only thing that really cheers him up is when some nice young lady stops by to give him a blow job.
Finally, at this morning’s Conservative Agenda, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane asked Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis to come up with something appropriate for our All Star Weekend E-dition, something that might show how far Pete Rose would go to demonstrate how sincere he was about rehabilitating himself so he could be re-instated before Tuesday’s Major League All Star Game in Cincinnati. Unfortunately, all Artis could come up with was this picture of Pete receiving absolution when he went to confession.
2015 ALL STAR GAME HYPE LINE
e-mail your money for tickets today.
Some Pete Rose Worshiping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Pete Rose Worshiping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
How to Insult a “Progressive”
Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend John Becker (1,255 Friends, 110 Mutual, including Jason Gloyd and Benjamin Franklin, if that’s his real name.)
“Political Promotion” By James Jay Schifrin
Last week the Patronage County Commissioners considered a proposal to generate a little extra income for some needy people at the courthouse. Swindle Advertising was awarded the right to sell advertising displays on rest room walls in all county buildings.
The proposal was an inspiration of Commissioner Sidney Swindle, and worked its way up through County Ombudsman Sidney Swindle, Jr., to the Patronage County Administrator.
In the proposal, the younger Swindle wrote: “I know that with my father’s leadership at the courthouse, this county is going to be rebuilt and strengthened. We at Swindle Advertising want to be involved in this process.”
“Great idea,” agreed Commissioner Filch. “Besides rest room walls, think of all the other places we can sell ads. Lawyers and bail bondsmen could advertise in courtrooms. Funeral directors could hand out cards at the Coroner’s Office. Locksmiths could give demonstration at the workhouse. Body shops could give estimates at the auto license bureau. We could even advertise the commissioners’ office 3-cents-per-copy Xerox service.”
Rising to the occasion, Commissioner Pilfer declared, “Prostitutes could pay us to have their pictures and phone numbers painted on paddy wagons. The Prosecutor’s Office has some useless space, X-rated movie posters could go on his walls. In Probate Court, gold-and-silver exchanges could offer “Probate Rebates,” and he continued enthusiastically, “Public employees could walk around wearing sandwich boards when they’re not working.”
“Wait a minute,” interrupted Commissioner Filch. “Isn’t all this illegal?”
“No problem,” assured Commissioner Swindle. “We’ll just tell people about our budget problems. Nobody will ever notice.”
Another public building they could use for advertising is the sewage treatment plant. Political ads would go their quite nicely.
This op-ed column never appeared at any time in the feisty Mt. Washington Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols. In fact, is appeared as part of The Muckraker series, in something called The Zinzinnati News in July 1981 (whatever the hell that was).