FRIDAY, JULY 10, 2015
The All Star Countdown Has Already Begun
Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says all the real hype about Baseball’s 2015 Major League All Star Game next week hasn’t even started, but our local media has had the local hype machine cranked up for a whole year’s worth of propaganda ever since the 2014 All Star Game then Baseball Commissioner Bud Sellig generously said Convicted Felon Pete Rose could buy an over-priced ticket, just like any other fan.
This year, local Pete Rose fans are expecting nothing less than to see their hometown hero honored at home plate reinstatement ceremonies before the game. Pete Rose is also expected to throw out the first pitch, sing the National Anthem, injure the American League catcher during a re-enactment of his famous Ray Fosse slide into home plate, and collect his share of the split-the-pot jackpot during the 7th Inning Stretch.
For local Pete Rose Fans like Former Fishwrapper Howard Wilkinson, the entire 2015 All Star Game in Cincinnati should be a Canonization Celebration of Sainthood for Saint Peter Edward Rose, instead of what they’ll probably get—a renaming of Pete Rose Way to the Cooperstown By-Pass. Pete says he’d blow current Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred under the bleachers for reinstatement, but let’s face it, Shoeless Joe Jackson is still waiting for Judge Kennesaw Mountain Landis to let him back in the game.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor
Why, it’s none other than Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Norbert Nadel, whose unprecedented ruling gave Pete Rose a 14-day reprieve in his legal battle with then Baseball Commissioner A. Bartlett Giamatti.
That’s why The Blower, whose Beloved Publisher Charles Foster Kane saw every home game Pete Rose played in as a Cincinnati Red, was honored to choose Judge Nadel to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Judge Nadel’s: “I still hope Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane never tells people what he saw in the back seat that time I triple-dated with him and Ronny Klein when I actually had a date to a high school dance.”
Judge Nadel also said, after he expects to be burnt in effigy at this weekend’s peaceful protest Traci Hunter March for Justice on Central Parkway during Star Weekend Festivities.
“I LOVE MATHEMATICS” by Albert Einstein
The odds of winning the Florida lottery are 1 in 22,957,480.
The odds of winning the Powerball are 1 in 175,223,510.
The odds of winning Mega Millions are 1 in 258,890,850.
The odds of a disk drive failing in any given month are roughly one in 36. The odds of two different drives failing in the same month are roughly one in 36 squared, or 1 in about 1,300. The odds of three drives failing in the same month is 36 cubed or 1 in 46,656.
The odds of seven different drives failing in the same month (like what happened at the IRS when they received a letter asking about emails targeting conservative and pro Israeli groups) is 36 to the 7th power = 1 in 78,664,164,096. (that’s over 78 Billion for all of you FCPS alumni) In other words, the odds are greater that you will win the Florida Lottery 342 times than having those seven IRS hard drives crashing in the same month.
“GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,” by Monica Lewinsky
When Hillary Clinton is sworn in as President in 2017, she will finally be disposed of Bill will be spending her first night alone in the White House. She will have been waiting for a lifetime for this.
On the first night: Suddenly the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?”
Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”
On the second night: the next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really, really don’t want to do that,” Hillary replies.
On the Third night: the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and Hillary again asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Lincoln says,
“Go to the theater.”
“WHICH SIDE OF THE FENCE,” Not Written by Jeff Foxworthy
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test.
If a Conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one. If a Liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat. If a Liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. If a Liberal is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Liberal demands that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a Conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A Liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. If a Liberal decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Liberal will delete it because he’s “offended!“
Well, I forwarded it.
AND A QUICKIE By Bubba Watson
The Injured Golfer
A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.
The party waiting behind her was a group from Washington, DC that included Barack Obama, who quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.
She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, “I’m Barack Obama and I hope you’ll vote for DemocRATS in the 2016 election.
She laughed and quickly said, “Sorry, Mr. President, I fell on my ass, not my head.”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Stories We’re Working On
OBAMA ADMIN Revives “Death Panels”- KERRY Misses Iran Deadline Again
- TRUMP leads GOP Presidential Field in New National Poll
- HOUSE DEMS Display Wrong Confederate Flag On House Floor While Protesting Against It
- CRANLEY says “Downtown Cincinnati is Safe”
- CHIEF BLACKWELL To Be In Town For All Star Events
- KENTUCKY SPEEDWAY Confederate Flag 400 Saturday Night
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most said most Scared Suburbanites would be spending All Star Weekend in Cincinnati:
(A) Enjoying their summer stay-cations: 2%
(B) Avoiding Lesbian MLB All Star Concerts: 1%
(C) Watching Aroldis Chapman’s 103mph losing walk-off home run pitch: 1%
(D) Avoiding the White Beatdown Zone on Fountain Square: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Reinstatement for Rose
This week, everybody who thinks Pete Rose should be reinstated into baseball before the first pitch of Tuesday’s All Star Game, e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Typical Reds Rooter Farley Fairweather, who says if his Hometown Hero isn’t automatically enshrined in Baseball’s Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, White people should be allowed to riot on Fountain Square after the game.
Farley wins a free #14 Cincinnati Reds Pete Rose Jersey (personally autographed by Pete Rose for only $49.95) a free #14 Cincinnati Reds Pete Rose jock strap (personally autographed by Pete Rose for only $129.95), and a free copy of Pete’s new book “Lying About Betting on Baseball (personally autographed by Pete Rose for only $289.85).
His winning entry is:
At the All Star Game we should honor Pete Rose
Betting on baseball is something he chose
So what if he lied?
He was sorry, he cried
We forgive you, Pete, why God only knows.
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose Pete Rose limerick is quite so forgiving)
At the All Star Game we should honor Pete Rose
His on-the-field record everyone knows;
But Pete Always strikes out
It’s beyond any doubt
His lack of character certainly shows
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Back when America put a man on the moon”
2015 ALL STAR GAME HOT LINE
e-mail your money for tickets today.
Some Pete Rose Worshiping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Pete Rose Worshiping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
FROGGY The GREMLIN Bob Sheppard “Hall of Shame”
Froggy impersonates Yankees P.A. announcer Bob Sheppard, who recites a line-up of Froggy’s favorite trouble-makers including Ed Bouchee, Wally Backman, Hank Thompson, Jose Canseco, Jim Leyritz, Dwight “Doc” Gooden, Denny McLain, Daryl Strawberry, Cesar Cedeno, Pete Rose, George Steinbrenner, Luis Polonia, Blackie Schwamb and others involved in serious scandals. Care to nominate your own favorite frisky or felonious players?
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Andy Furman 3,444 Friends, 60 Mutual Friends (including Darryl Parks and Dennis Janson.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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