SUNDAY, JULY 5, 2015

More Politics Unusual

OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “Chris Christie gave a 20-minute speech to announce he’s running for president in his high school’s gymnasium. It was the longest period of time Christie has ever spent in a gym,” and “Chris Christie launched his presidential campaign in the gymnasium of his old high school. He wanted to launch it in his school’s cafeteria but there’s still a restraining order.”  Jimmy Kimmel said, “We have a new candidate for president today — New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. He’s a Republican, which means he joins the 400 other Republicans running for president,” and “If I was Chris Christie and everyone was focused on my weight, I’d pick an even fatter running mate — someone huge, like 600 pounds.”

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1946, French designer Louis Reard unveiled a daring two-piece swimsuit which came to be known as the “bikini,” and guys remembering that time they ogled Miss Vicki in her daring bikini on the Fourth of July at the at the Ft. Mitchell Country Club swimming pool were really glad he did. 

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Diana Vreeland’s “The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.”

THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says while Obama, Disingenuous DemocRATS, Liberal Social Warriors and the Press desperately seek to exploit racial divisions for political gain, the majority of Americans continue to wonder why so many remain intolerant of the Confederate flag while they, simultaneously, pretend to oppose the flag out of a mistaken sense of “tolerance.” But according to a new report, a whopping 70% of Americans want the federal government to leave the flag alone. The latest CNN poll shows that most Americans still view the Confederate flag as a symbol of Southern pride as opposed to racism — an opinion that has not significantly changed in 15 years.

LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #162, Reclaim the language for conservatism: Instead of “Mainstream Media (MSM),” talk about the OLM— “Old Left Media.”

JOHN GALT says “I started my life with a single absolute: that the world was mine to shape in the image of my highest values and never to be given up to a lesser standard, no matter how long or hard the struggle.”

LIBERAL NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES: This week, with the swimming season now upon us, we’re jumping right in with another odious ode from Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves. Just in time for the sweltering summer, we found this passionate poem by our old friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves, from his latest book, “Summer Sex Scandals,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves. 

Hot Weather Warmup
It’s time to grab your bathing suit
To have a refreshing swim
And check and see if all the girls
Have got their bikini trim.

IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Free Stuff on the Fourth,” everybody was getting ready to eat BBQ and watch the fireworks to celebrate Independence Day, but our Consternated County Commissioners were still be complaining about the high price of gasoline these days ask themselves: are we truly free and independent?

MEANWHILE, OUR MUCKRAKER says now that Governor Kasich has signed the budget and is preparing to announce his candidacy for president, how many talking heads will actually look into his recently signed budget? Will they take his platitudes and lip service to Conservative positions, or will they look into his broad neocon style?  From tax increases, Medicaid expansion, increased Social welfare, to consolidation of power and funds away from local government, while increasing mandates, and shifting names on Parcc tests, all while expanding needle exchanges, increasing bureaucratic redtape, and eliminating transparency with his pet projects!   Sounds a lot like the current administration!

WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES reports U.S. stocks U.S followed global markets lower and endured a second week of declines after the debt crisis in Greece reached a tipping point. Last week The Blower warned “Beware of Greeks bearing Debt.” We can hardly imagine how the news with affect U.S. Stocks after Greeks voted “No” on the Euro Bailout and the Euro began to drop. 

THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others, and on Sunday, Obama was working hard to prevent Greece from going over the slide…just kidding, it was time for his 236th Round of Free Golf at the Over-Taxed Suckers’ Expense.

Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.

Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.

FINALLY, THIS WEEK AT THURSDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how Obama Supporters in the Press were what he thought of Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman’s belated statement on Obama’s Rubber Stamping Supreme Court’s Legalization of Sodomy Rights. When Kane explained Portman had said, “Now that the Court has reached its decision, I hope we can move past the division and polarization the issue has caused,” Conservatives understood why The Robmeister hadn’t included that statement with one of his daily fund-raising e-mails. Kane also wondered how news that John Kasich attended a same-sex wedding will bolster his standing among Ohio Conservatives, who favor him only had support from 1.5% of Ohio conservatives in the second monthly Republican Presidential Poll, which is only slightly less than the 1.6% who claim to be homosexual Americans, with a record 93,626,000 Americans 16 or older who did not participate in the nation’s labor force in June, as the labor force participation rate dropped to 62.6 % a 38-year low, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. It would’ve been better if Kasich had attended a Job Fair.

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower, many of our filches were from our friends at Weasel Zippers.

THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:

MONDAY (JULY 6) will be our Special “Anti-Social Networking” E-dition, while we’re continuing to count down the 563 Days of Dishonesty for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.

TUESDAY (JULY 7) will be our Special “Anti-Social Media” E-dition and our “Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers” will give us their reaction to that.

WEDNESDAY, (JULY 8) will be our Special “Fake Facebook Advisory” E-dition  when we’ll tell you to sign off from Facebook and step away from your computer!

THURSDAY (JULY 9) we’ll be checking to see the City of Cincinnati’s plans to entertain Protesters along with Saturday night’s “unruly yoofs” on Fountain Square at next week’s Major League Baseball All Star Game. 

THE FIRST LINE OF FRIDAY’S (JULY 10) LIMERICK IS: “At the All Star Game, let’s not honor Pete Rose.”

AND SATURDAY (JULY 11), we’ll watching to see if racing fans defy PC NASCAR and wave Confederate Flags at the Quaker State 400 like fans did this weekend at Daytona International Speedway.

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially our Weasel of the House John Fainter.

 WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE

e-mail your revolutionary recaps today

Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more. 

 Whistleblower Video of the Week

Exclusive: Never-Aired ‘Apprentice’ Parody of Trump Firing Obama

(Sent in by The Donald, who says he could always use a little extra publicity.)

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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