FRIDAY, JULY 3, 2015
Our Countdown Continues
The Counter on the lower right hand corner of the Whistleblower Web Page continues to click away the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until the start of Saturday’s Holy Homophobic Heterosexual Fourth of July Day Parade in Anderson.
Once again, the 2015 event is sponsored by the Anderson Area of Commerce, but this year only White, God-Fearing Hetero Citizens of Anderson will be permitted to march in the Patriotic Procession. This year’s parade might take a little longer than planned, since the entire convoy has been rerouted through the drive-thru lane of Andy Pappas’ new Krispy Kreme store, like those 42,321 people took looking for free doughnuts on Tuesday’s Opening Day.
And after reading about FBI and Homeland Security Warnings of possible Terrorist Attacks on July Fourth in The Blower’s “Muslims in America” E-dition, cautious organizers decided Murdering Muslims would not be permitted to march in Diversity-Free Anderson’s Patriotic Procession on Saturday.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, none other than noted Patriotic Parade Planner Fiffen Drumm, who says this year’s record-setting Flag Day Parade in Anderson on June 14 was only a rehearsal for Saturday’s largest Fourth of July Parade in History, beginning at Anderson Trustee Andy Pappas’ Cleaner Concepts located at 7857 PFC James Miller IV Memorial Highway at 10:00 AM, and proceeding west to the Anderson Towne Center. All Peaceful, Caucasian, God-fearing Andersonians watching the parade are again requested to stay behind the “white line.” Many of the 542 units scheduled to participate in the five-mile-long parade will be using several lanes. A community celebration will be held at the Anderson Towne Center immediately following the parade around 12:30, and area residents are again urged to avoid massive traffic jams on the PFC James Miller IV Memorial Highway by using Clough Pike beginning Friday afternoon. Ohio Second District Podiatrist/Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will be on hand from 9:30 a.m. – 10:00 a.m. to inspect the arches of all 412 of his volunteers registered to walk in the parade.
That’s why Patriotic Parade Planner Fiffen Drumm is honored to be The Blower’s Guest Editor this week and choose three items plus an Obama Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose “Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F-words ever!”
“TAX TIPS” by Eric Kearney (In case he thinks we’ve forgotten him)
Recently, Conservative Columnist Pat Buchanan explained why the intensifying scandal involving the Internal Revenue Service is worse than the Watergate scandal that was former President Richard Nixon’s undoing. Buchanan, a former aide to Nixon, explained that what former IRS official Lois Lerner is accused of doing interferes with the constitutional rights of citizens. However, he added it isn’t getting as much attention since it is occurring under a DemocRAT president.
Maybe that’s why The Blower says to get their attention, maybe this is how we should all be filing our tax returns.
“CHAIN E-MAIL SAYS THREE PRESIDENTS DEPORTED A TOTAL OF 15 MILLION ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS,” by PolitiFact.Com
In the hot-button immigration debate, some who oppose crackdowns on illegal immigrants suggest that it would be logistically and economically impossible for federal authorities to deport perhaps 10 million people to their country of origin.
We recently received an unsigned chain e-mail in our inbox that took that argument head-on, suggesting that there’s ample precedent in American history for mass deportations of illegal immigrants. Here are excerpts of the e-mail, with original syntax intact.
“What did Hoover, Truman, and Eisenhower have in common? … Back during the Great Depression, President Herbert Hoover ordered the deportation of ALL illegal aliens in order to make jobs available to American citizens that desperately needed work. Harry Truman deported over two million Illegal’s after WWII to create jobs for returning veterans. And then again in 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower deported 13 million Mexican Nationals! The program was called ‘Operation Wetback’.. It was done so WWII and Korean Veterans would have a better chance at jobs. It took 2 Years, but they deported them! Now. … if they could deport the illegal’s back then — they could sure do it today.” Now read the rest of the story here.
“JESUS IS WATCHING YOU,” by Rabbi Hyman McEwen
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” He hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” The burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
AND A QUICKIE By Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters (But Don’t Call Me a Crazy DemocRAT)
Perhaps ObamaCare will have a useful purpose after all
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRYSOME IN RECENT YEARS.
26% of the Democrats in this country are on medication for mental illness. That’s plenty scary.
It means 74% are running around untreated. Now that’s really scary!
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower. More Conservative Agenda Cartoons
Putting the Right Slant on the News!
Stories We’re Working On
POLITICIANS send out Fourth of July fundraising e-mails- AMERICAN FLAGS ripped down the day before Fourth Of July Parade
- FEAR OF GANG VIOLENCE cancels City’s carnival
- REPUBLICANS more proud to be Americans than DemocRATS
- AS SHOOTINGS SOAR, Blackwell changes Plan again
- RICH COX resigns after being ridiculed in The Blower
- JOCKETTY promises Reds won’t trade Frazier before All Star Game
TODAY’S STUPID LIBERAL LIAR AWARD
Goes to Racist Black Boondoggle County High School Graduate Akilah Hughes, who claimed “Rebel pride was hard to take,” at Fusion.net, a Liberal propaganda site for a young, diverse, and inclusive America, and of course in the Liberal Agenda Fishwrap. (Barf Alert)
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending the Fourth of July holiday:
(A) Celebrating our Nation’s History: 2%
(B) Watching a patriotic parade: 1%
(C) Enjoying Fireworks and family picnics: 1%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Fourth of July Heroes
This week, everybody who thinks patriotism is truly passé e-mailed entries to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is real war hero Ollie Hackworth, one of the survivors of that “Three-Against-a-Thousand Massacre” saga The Blower described last year.
Ollie wins an autographed picture of Sergeant York, a complete set of Audie Murphy westerns on DVD, and a free dinner on Veterans Day at Dummy’s Restaurant. His winning entry is:
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Do it with your favorite guy
The Supreme Court did say
It’s all right to be gay
So you can now unzip my fly
John Adams’ Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
With all this heat, we’ll probably fry.
But that heat’s tepid compared to what will stress
George Soros and his slick buttboy P-O-T-U-S,
When they arrive at the gates of hell
After thinking their lives were so swell:
Their “administration” was just one big lie.
John Hancock’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Let’s pause to ask ourselves why
We elected a president
Born a non-US resident,
And his incompetence just makes me cry.
Benjamin Franklin’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
It will be very hard not to cry,
The folks we’ve elected
Just can’t be respected
Lions and tigers and skunks, oh my!
Richard Henry Lee’s Entry
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
Remember Jeremiah Wright’s cry,
“God damn America” he said
Barack was in the same bed
He’ll tell you he didn’t hear that, but it’s a lie.
And from the Anderson Laureate (whose multi-stanza limerick says, “Obama’s idea of patriotism just can’t suck enough.)
When we celebrate the Fourth of July
What some people did makes me cry;
They gave up their lives
And our freedom now thrives
Because they were brave enough to die
But we also have plenty of tyrants,
Community organizers and half-breed Hawaiians
All they want is power
And they get more by the hour
I’d like to feed them all to the lions.
Because of real heroes, those phonies survive
Because others have died, they’re still alive
But they don’t give a damn
Their uncle’s not Sam
They know how to shuck and to jive
Because great Americans have died
They can take our country for a ride
The current White House resident
Doesn’t deserve to be president
When he promised good things, he lied.
If a contest were held to select
The most egotistical person to elect
It would be a no-brainer
Because there is no one more vainer
If he wins in November, we’re wrecked.
I get so sick of watching him talk
And the arrogant style of his walk
He’s so full of his ego,
Let’s vote him out, amigo
And listen to the Dumbocrats squawk.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you get arrested for taking down a Reb Flag.”
FOURTH OF JULY PICNIC HOT LINE
e-mail your holiday party plans today.
Some Patriotic Picnicking items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Patriotic Picnicking subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
John Wayne 1970 Variety Show Celebrating America’s History
(Sent in by Anderson Trustee President “In Russ We Trust Jackson, who says Saturday’s Holy Homophobic Heterosexual Fourth of July Day Parade in Anderson will go RAIN OR SHINE.”
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
