Thursday, May 28, 2015

Because Some Things You Just Can’t Make Up

At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower planned to publish any parodies about Obama’s Clusterfuck Campaign against ISIS, especially after those Murdering Muslim overtook the key Iraqi city of Ramadi, and our Pathetic President claimed his strategy against the Terrorist Thugs isn’t failing.

Here’s one silly idea Kane started to explain: We could say U.S. pilots attempting to carry out the air war against the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria were complaining about all those heavy-handed rules of engagement keeping them from striking their targets.

We could blame Obama’s bureaucracy that doesn’t allow for quick decision-making because he really doesn’t want to attack those Murdering Muslims, especially after one Navy F-18 pilot who’s flown missions against ISIS said, “There were times I had groups of ISIS fighters in my sights, but couldn’t get clearance to engage. They probably killed innocent people and spread evil because of my inability to kill them. It was really frustrating.”

A former U.S. Air Force general who led air campaigns over Iraq and Afghanistan also said today’s pilots are being “micromanaged,” and the process for ordering strikes is slow — squandering valuable minutes and making it possible for the enemy to escape.

Of course we could blame the White House, because we’ve been applying air power like a rain shower or a drizzle — for it to be effective, it needs to be applied like a thunderstorm, and 75% of pilots are returning without dropping any bombs, due to delays in decision-making up the chain of command.

“Unfortunately, we couldn’t very well try to make a parody out of that,” Kane explained. “It seems Fox News is reporting Obama’s Same Stupid Strategy Against ISIS this morning.”

More Obama’s Military Strategery Stories Later