FRIDAY, May 29, 2015
Eighteen Is Enough
Fox News Channel gets to broadcast the first Republican Primary Debate for all those 2016 Presidential Candidates scheduled on August 6 at 9 PM ET from the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, with Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly, and Chris Wallace as the fair-and-balanced moderators, and you couldn’t get any fairer than those three!
But only the top ten candidates (according to an average of five national polls) will be on stage, which really doesn’t seem fair, since right now, The Blower counts 18 different “declared candidates,” not including Ohio Governor John Kasich, who is in danger of not making the cut for the debate in his home state because he was tied for eighth place with three other candidates in the Ohio Conservatives United Presidential Poll we reported yesterday. If all the “undeclared candidates” were included on August 6, there’d be more than 30 candidates on the stage for that debate, and each one would have a whole two minutes to speak. Maybe there should be a March Madness Playoff, since there are so many already! 
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor
Why, it’s none other than our old friend, Whistleblower Hawkeye Bureau Chief Jan Michelson, who says political watchers in Iowa believe that controversial Iowa Straw Poll on August 8, which has served as the traditional starting point for GOP presidential campaigns, has suffered significant blows to its credibility and is at risk of collapsing.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding a Rabid Hillary Basher like our Old Friend Jan (who’s been WHO Radio’s Rush Limbaugh in the Hawkeye State ever since he left WCKY-AM back during the last century), to be this week’s guest editor and choose three Hillary Bashing items plus a couple of Hillary Bashing Quickies for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
“True Story” by Tim Burka
Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the
world.”
“I am entering” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
“Well, how did you do?”
“First Place,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
“How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
Pinocchio says “this is mine.”
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?” asked Pinocchio.
Hillary Takes A Muslim Name by William Jefferson Clinton
TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED HILLARY CLINTON TO TAKE MEASURES IN ORDER TO PROTECT HER CANDIDACY FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY. FOR SECURITY REASONS, HILLARY HAS CHOSEN A MUSLIM NAME. SO FROM NOW ON, PLEASE USE HER NEW MUSLIM NAME:
SELDOM BIN LAYED
And as we get closer to the election, we must remember that we cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a simple job to do, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky.
“GHOSTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE,” an encore presentation by Monica Lewinsky
When Hillary Clinton is sworn in as President in 2017 and will be spending her first night alone in the White House, she will finally be free from Bill and will have been waiting for a lifetime for this.
On the first night: Suddenly the ghost of George Washington appears to her, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?”
Washington says, “Never tell a lie.” “Ouch!” says Hillary, “I don’t know about that.”
On the second night: the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears, and Hillary asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Jefferson says, “Listen to the people.” “Ohhh! I really, really don’t want to do that,” Hillary replies.
On the Third night: the ghost of Abraham Lincoln appears and Hillary again asks, “How can I best serve my country?” Lincoln says, “Go to the theater.”
AND SOME QUICKIES By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
Today we have a couple of Hillary Jokes (We’ve got a million of them)
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: CHELSEA
Q: What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?
A: “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
Q: How did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down?
A: He married her.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
TODAY’S LIBERAL LIAR AWARD
According to The Daily Caller, the office of Baltimore City state’s Race-Baiting attorney Marilyn Mosby is claiming that her personal Twitter account was hacked and that she did not “favorite” a racially-charged tweet and another one calling the six Baltimore cops charged in the Freddie Gray case “thugs.” But when Fox News host Megyn Kelly reported on the denial, she also cast some doubt on the claim.
Stories We’re Working On
ISIS Has Vision For Victory, Obama Doesn’t
AMERICA has already taken in one-fourth of Mexico’s entire population!
HILLARY vows to ‘restore faith and confidence and optimism in future of country’
BALTIMORE Gets Bloodier
IN CINCINNATI: 8 KILLED IN 10 DAYS, Chief Blackwell “Disappointed, Upset”
RECANVASS shows no changes in KY Governor’s Race
CINCINNATI REDS Don’t Lose on Thursday
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said it would take to get Obama impeached sometime during the next 601 days:
(A) Getting caught in more lies: 2%
(B) Surrendering to ISIS: 1%
(C) Too many golf outings: 1%
(D) Cutting off the free stuff: 96%
More Conservative Agenda Cartoons
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Up Your Octane!
This week, everybody who is well aware of the fact that gasoline prices have more than doubled since Obama took office, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Orville Octane, who says buying gasoline is really a religious experience these days, because every time a preacher sees how much it costs to fill your tank, he yells, “Holy Christ!”
Orville wins a “Bomb Their Ass and Steal their Gas” T-shirt, a siphon for stealing his next-door neighbor’s gas, and once a week, One of Eric Deters’ Mexican Midgets promises to hide in Orville’s trunk so he can jump out and switch nozzles to Orville’s gas tank when other drivers are distracted waiting for their cars to fill up. His winning entry is:
Paying Nearly Three Dollars for a Gallon of Gas
Makes Crooked Bastards, Inc. happy, alas.
But they won’t be happy for long,
‘Cause greed is the name of their song,
As they shove the pump hose further up our ass.
Paying nearly three dollars for a gallon of gas
Is a phony price gouge, but it will not pass.
For Obama and his New World Order, you see,
It’s one more tool to destroy the bourgeoisie,
But Barry and his hell hounds can kiss my white ass.
Western Southern’s John Barrett says
Paying nearly three dollars for a gallon of gas
Is nothing less than a pain in the ass
I hear Charles Foster Kane
Has a car that runs on grain
I wish I had a car that runs on grass
Judge Norbert Nadel says
Paying nearly three dollars for a gallon of gas
Is really a royal pain in the ass.
But I pay what I gotta
‘Cause my car won’t run on watta
And it costs too much to cut my damn grass!
And from the Anderson Laureate (who’s still not successfully completed his racial sensitivity correspondence course):
Paying nearly three dollars for a gallon of gas
Is kinda like takin’ it right up the ass
I’ve got a car that runs on coal
Green energy ain’t my goal
When it comes to eco-friendly, I’ll pass.
When I was a kid, we rode bikes,
We walked where we could, and went on hikes
We did what we could
With coal, gas and wood
And there were no such things as homos and dykes.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“On June 6 we celebrate D-Day”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Cincinnati Police Chief Jeffrey Blackwell, still “disappointed and Upset.”
CHEAP GAS HOT LINE
E-mail lowest prices today.
Some price gouged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally price gouged subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
The All New iGun
(Sent in by Our Pistol Packing Sensuous Granny Jeanie Peter, [99 Friends, 14 Mutual Friends, including Al Peter and Russ Jackson].)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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