Friday, May 22, 2015 

Believin’ in Bevin

John Gizzi at Newsmax says at a time when many so-called pundits were concluding that the “TEA party” movement had run out of steam, a favorite of the Conservative, grass-roots movement demonstrated Tuesday in Kentucky that rumors of its demise may be greatly exaggerated. The Blower remembers when Mark Twain said the reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated.

A year after he was humiliated in his nationally watched primary challenge to Senate GOP Leader Bitch McConnell, Louisville businessman and “TEA party” favorite Matt Bevin was the apparent winner of the Republican nomination for governor in Kentucky’s closest-ever statewide primary by 83 votes in a race Obama Supporters in the Press still call “too close to call.”

Ditzy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes’ Bluegrass Secretary of State’s office will conduct a re-canvass of votes in the next few days, but few doubt that this will change the outcome

So for now, a year after pundits and pols wrote him off as a gadfly following his defeat by McConnell, Bevin has managed one of the most spectacular political rebounds in his state’s modern history, and whether Matt Bevin can manage a similar accomplishment by winning the governorship a year after he lost a Senate primary will surely be one of the most-watched political stories of 2015. 

 Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

        The Blower was actually trying to get TEA Party Guy Jack Painter after the Southwest Ohio Regional Transit Authority board member upset Diversity Fanatics at The Fishwrap with a “Hitler Zinger” and the Hamilton County Commissioners by not totally embracing their views on Political Correctness.

But since Mr. Painter was neither a Person of Consequence on The Blower’s exclusive e-mail list nor a Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend like Clermont County’s “TEA Party Ted” Stevenot, Ted was selected because his Ohio Liberty Coalition is continuing to school all those other local TEA Party organizations how to take over central committees one precinct at a time, like he did in Clermont County.  Both Ted and Jack don’t seem to have learned to use the word “TEA” for “Taxed Enough Already” in all their TEA Party references.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding successful struggling Conservative grassroots organizers to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose George Clooney’s “Anytime there’s an actual grassroots movement that isn’t funded by people trying to create a grassroots movement, I find that interesting.”

“GLOBAL WARMING WARNING” by Danny Doubter

The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consulafft, at Bergen, Norway .

Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone. Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes.

Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm. Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared.

Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts which have never before ventured so far north, are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds. Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coastal cities uninhabitable.

* * * * * * * * *
I must apologize, I neglected to mention that this report was from November 2, 1922, as reported by the AP and published in The Washington Post – 93 years ago.

 “A STORY ABOUT A BOY NAMED TYRONE” by Buckwheat Blackwell

None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher who was always yelling at him; “You’re driving me mad, Tyrone”.

One day Tyrone’s mother came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such a dumb boy in her teaching career.

His mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved from Detroit to Cleveland, Ohio.

Twenty five years later that teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease. All cardiac doctors strongly advised her to have a kind of heart surgery that only one doctor was capable of performing.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation. When she opened her eyes after surgery, she saw a young doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, however she was not able to speak, her face began turning blue and raised her hand trying to tell him something, but could not speak then suddenly died.

The surgeon was shocked and trying to figure out what had gone wrong, and turned around and saw Tyrone, who was working as a janitor at the hospital and had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner.

Don’t tell me you thought Tyrone had become a heart surgeon?

Mr. Blackwell is co-winner, along with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane. of the coveted 2015 Ebony and Ivory Racial Healing Award, sponsored by Sambo’s Restaurants.

     “THE MAN WITH A PLAN” by John “Hannibal” Smith           

Here’s Our New Plan

1. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
2. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
3. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
4. In three generations, there will be no Progressive/Liberal DemocRATS.

    I love it when a plan comes together!

Here are the 10 Poorest Cities in America and How Did It Happen?

City, State, % of People Below the Poverty Level

1. Detroit, MI 32.5%
2. Buffalo, NY 29.9%
3. Cincinnati, OH 27.8%
4. Cleveland, OH 27.0%
5. Miami, FL 26.9%
6. St. Louis, MO 26.8%
7. El Paso, TX 26.4%
8. Milwaukee, WI 26.2%
9. Philadelphia , PA 25.1%
10. Newark, NJ 24.2%

What do the top ten cities (over 250,000) with the highest poverty rate all have in common?

Detroit, MI (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1961 

Buffalo, NY (2nd) hasn’t elected one since 1954

Cincinnati, OH – (3rd)  since 1984

Cleveland, OH – (4th)  since 1989

Miami, FL – (5th) has never had a Republican mayor

St. Louis, MO – (6th) since 1949

El Paso, TX – (7th) has never had a Republican mayor

Milwaukee , WI – (8th) since 1908

Philadelphia , PA – (9th) since 1952

Newark, NJ – (10th) since 1907

THINK ABOUT IT! 

Einstein once said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ It is the poor who habitually elect Disingenuous DemocRATS …yet they are still POOR.

THINK ABOUT IT!

Part III:

“You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.

You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence.

You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.”  

                               Abraham Lincoln

THINK ABOUT IT!

“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better take a closer look at the American Indian.” ~ Henry Ford

  THINK ABOUT IT!

AND A QUICKIE By Our Good Friend Bobby Leach

A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches an attractive woman sitting by herself and asks, “May I buy you a cocktail?” 

“No thank you,” she replies, “alcohol is bad for my legs.”

“Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?”

“No, they spread.”

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.

TODAY’S LIBERAL LIAR AWARD

As ISIS fighters were storming Ramadi, seizing U.S. military equipment, including missile launchers and tanks – enough to  “take 3 more Mosuls and about 10 Ramadis,” according to one ISIS supporter – Obama was again enjoying some “me-time” on the Andrews Air Force Base golf course.

During the Iraq War, the United States paid a terrible price to secure Anbar province from terrorists.  Between April of 2004 and September of 2007, 1,335 Americans and nearly 9,000 Iraqis died in the battle for Fallujah and Ramadi. But by 2008, the battle had been won — and liberated Iraqi citizens could again walk the streets without fear. Now Ramadi and Fallujah are back in the hands of terrorists.

But never mind that, the big news today is that POTUS has a new Twitter account, you guys!

This week Obama said “I don’t think we’re losing” to the Islamic State, Jihadists sacking Ramadi was just a “Tactical Setback.”

And today, Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports only 18% of Americans agree with Obama’s claim that the U.S. is winning the war against ISIS, compared to 25% who felt that way in mid-March. 

 Stories We Were Working On

• BOY SCOUTS’ PRESIDENT Calls For End To Ban On Gay Leaders
• OBAMA Posts Pic Of Two Gay Guys Titles It, “Love Is Winning”…
• TEACHER ACCUSED Of Allowing Middle School Students To Have Sex In Classroom
• 51% Of DemocRATS Want To Destroy The First Amendment
• ANTI-STEPHANOPOULOS ARTWORK Posted Near ABC News Headquarters In Manhattan…
• CINCINNATI REDS Don’t Lose on Thursday
• MATT BEVIN Still Leading By 83 Votes

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said most Apathetic Americans would be spending Memorial Day:
(A) Remembering all our fallen heroes: 2%
(B) Paying more than $2.86-per-gallon for gasoline: 1%
(C) Watching John Wayne movies on TV: 1%
(D) Getting another day off with pay: 96%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

The Conservative Agenda Memorial Day Cartoons

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

Fine Dining on a Stick

This week, everybody who thinks holding this year’s Distaste of Cincinnati at Fountain Square is just about what you’d expect from the worst-run city in America that spent $42 million to wipe out every business in the area for two years while they moved the Fountain six feet North during their guaranteed one year renovation project, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Avoirdupois Andersonian Freddy Fatassi. Our Weight Gainers member says driving downtown has always been expensive, even before you had to take out a second mortgage to fill the tank on your SUV, but trekking downtown just to eat an overpriced chicken wing or a meatball on a stick? As always, downtown trolleys would be the answer. Freddy wins an “I Survived the Distaste of Cincinnati” T-Shirt, an opportunity to buy a slice of Larosa’s Pepperoni Cheese Pizza for $3, a scoop of Graeter’s Ice Cream for $4, a crappy $5 Izzy’s Reuben sandwich for $7.75, or $17.95 for a month’s supply of Beano for the ride home. His winning entry is:

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
Five bucks buys an overcooked hamburger patty.
Or sushi the size of a lousy nickel
(A buck extra if you add a pickle);
And the trailer park trash makes the venue so ratty.

Jeff Ruby says
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The choices almost drive me batty.
The chefs all compete
To induce you to eat
Something fancy, no plain burger patty.

Dean Gregory says
Some of the food tastes funny,
Some is hard, some soft, some runny.
You need to make sure
And not go if you’re poor
‘Cause whatever you get, it will cost lots of money.

Jean-Robert de Cavel says
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti.
The streets are all jammed full of fatties
They walk stand to stand
With pop-corn in hand
Slurpin’ diet cokes to look good for their Daddies.

Emeril Lagasse says
Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
We shell out for portions quite ratty.
You’ll be served brats and metts
Right next to Port-O-Lets,
And for the gourmet? Filet of catty!

And from the Anderson Gourmet (who’s still not successfully completed his correspondence course in low-fat cooking):
Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti
The throngs and hordes drive me batty.
So I think I’ll stay home
On my chair of styrofoam
And listen to Gian Carlo Menotti

Each year at the Taste of the ‘Natti,
You promise to eat only one burger patty.
But there is so much good food
And you’re in a gluttonous mood
So you end up being the same old fatty.

Each year at the taste of the ‘Natti,
The prices get more and more batty.
This I think I’ll stay home,
And eat something in Styrofoam
Maybe a veggie burger, or tofu patty.

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“Paying Nearly Three Dollars for a Gallon of Gas”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially, Over-Priced Crappy Food Vendors at Distaste of Cincinnati.

 JACKED-UP MEMORIAL DAY GAS PRICES HOT LINE

E-mail lowest prices today.

Some price gouged items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally price gouged subscribers

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

How to Save Money on Gasoline

(Sent in by Discount Petroleum Entrepreneur Stanley Siphon, who says, “Only suckers pay retail for their gasoline.”

 

   Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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