Tuesday, May 5, 2015       

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers  

Please don’t ask if all of the ballots for our free, fair, open, and honest elections in Hamilton County on Cinco de Mayo should also be printed in Spanish. —Hamilton County Board of Elections 

Do we need Spanish translators for all those uncontested city council races in Cheviot, Harrison, Norwood, and Sharonville? —Hamilton County RINO Party

Our illegal voters already know to vote. —Hamilton County Dem-Labor Party Chairman Tim Burka  

Stealth Elections are a great time to try to sneak through a tax increase. —Tax-and-Spenders in Arlington Heights, Elmwood Place, Winton Woods, Lockland, Northwest Local School District, Cheviot, Forest Park, and Harrison

Please don’t ask why we’re urging people to vote “No” on the Northwest Schools Levy. —Republicans for Higher Taxes

Last weekend on the Soccer Fields on Kellogg, we ignored that sign some gringo put up that said “Bebidas alcohólicas prohibidas.” —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose

It’s not fair. We won’t even be getting to vote to recall the Forrest Gump School Board for taking “appropriate inaction” regarding that so-called investigation into Scandal-plagued Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s activities after they finally emerge from executive hiding and attempt to cover their asses for hiring “Smiling Dallas” in the first place. —Angry Andersonians

Turpin Teachers have already been instructed that on all future Spanish tests, my son’s score will be “Magnifico!” —Smiling Dallas  

Our HispanoFilipino employees in Manila also celebrate “Cinco de Mayo” while they’re mislabeling all communications from The Blower’s computer as “El Spamo.” —Cincinnati Bell

And on “Cinco De Mayo,” the word for a gay guy is “El Homosexual.” —Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback

What do you think “Jonrón Grand Glam” means on “Cinco de Mayo?” —Jumbo Diaz

I dreamed I drank the world largest Margarita on Cinco de Mayo and woke up to find salt all over the rim of my toilet bowl. —Larry “The Cable Guy”

Did you see those hot girls I sponsored at Cincy-Cinco on Fountain Square mud wrestling in an inflatable pool filled with guacamole? —Jerry Springer

Which one of my extra nacho cheesy Cinco de Mayo pick-up lines do you like best: “I want to taste your fish taco,”  “Hey chica! There’s like, a fiesta in my pantalones and you and your amigas are invited,” or “Do I have protection? Oh yeeee-ah, I’m wearing a rubber sombrero.” —Señor Andrés Pappas

Every Cinco de Mayo I always remember what a hottie Sasha Rionda used to be on TV12. —Horny in Harrison

Was that a great Kentucky Derby or what?  —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo

I really like it when jockeys use a whip. —DemocrAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob

Never bet on “Short Leash,” he doesn’t finish. —Miss Vicki

That’s why we chose Will Rogers’, “Money, horse racing and women are three things the boys just can’t figure out.” —Your Quote for Today Committee

Did any of those little jockeys like to ride bareback? —Jeni Lee Dinkel

We like it when they mention us as they sing “My Old Kentucky Home.” —Gay Darkies

We always favor a jockey who likes to come from behind. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis

Didn’t everybody you know bet on Mubtaahij? —Turfway Touts

What the hell does “Mubtaahij” mean anyway? —Goof Doofus

Today is the anniversary of the date John Scopes was charged for teaching evolution in Tennessee, and all candidates for a Darwin Award will get a free admission. —The Lizard Museum

Don’t forget Opening Day for my Y’All Ville baseball team is coming up in just a couple of weeks, and they haven’t lost a single game yet. —Mayor Blondie Whalen

Isn’t it amazing that this year “Cinco De Mayo” comes on May 5? —Trish the Dish, TV 19 News

If it came tomorrow, would we call it “Sexto de Mayo?” —WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)

  Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer   

Sometimes The Blower uses racial and ethnic slurs to show that bigotry of  any kind is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a total retard.

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially Gay Darkies.

“I SURVIVED THE FLYING PIG MARATHON” HOTLINE

e-mail your T-shirt sizes today.

Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers. 

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

 When is Cinco de Mayo?

 (Sent in by long-time Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend WGRR Radio Morning Guy Chris O’Brien [32 Mutual Friends, including Janeen Coyle and  Bobby Leach], who will try to come up with at least a couple of good Mexican jokes on his radio show today.)            

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