One of the best parts about publishing The Whistleblower Newswire is checking our e-mail first thing each morning to see some of those politically insightful items we’ve received from our equally politically insightful subscribers. Our readers’ comments are extremely helpful for our analysis and interpretation of today’s important top stories.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Honesty Day Has Finally Arrived…

… and everybody’s waiting to see if some politician actually opens his mouth and speaks the truth today. The Blower is betting that won’t happen. American politics is a world where no one says or does what he really means, because politics runs on lying and deceit. So how funny is it that a day dedicated to “Honesty” has been created, which is totally ignored by all politicians on the 30th of April each year? Maybe that’s why COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney (who argued for Politicians’ Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court last year) plans to sleep in today.

And when Obama accidentally told the truth about all those Black Thugs in Baltimore looting and burning, Racist Black Baltimore Councilman Carl Stokes won today’s Stupid Liberal Liar Award for claiming that Obama’s calling Rioters and Looters “Thugs” was the same as calling them “Niggers.”

When America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani explained how he would have kept Monday’s night riot in Baltimore from happening, he wondered where that city’s elected officials got off complaining about the city’s policies since Dishonest DemocRATS have been running the place for four decades. Come to think of it, it’s been 35 years since Buckwheat Blackwell was the last Republican Mayor in Cincinnati. Charlie Luken was the Disingenuous DemocRAT in charge during Cincinnati’s Race Riots in 2001 and over-taxed payers are still paying for that.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this day in 1945, holed up in a bunker under his headquarters in Berlin, Adolf Hitler committed suicide by swallowing a cyanide capsule and shooting himself in the head. You have to say this about Adolf—he knew how to be thorough, sort of like a guy who wears a belt and suspenders to keep his pants up. And wasn’t it ironic that Hitler killed himself on a Jewish holiday. Part time Rabbinical Scholar Charles Foster Kane says, “Any day Hitler killed himself would’ve been a Jewish holiday, just like the day Obama’s Secretary of State John Kerry announces his resignation.”

FECKLESS FISHWRAPPERS say it’s really hard to be “Honest” when you have to be so willfully biased pushing the Liberal Agenda. Meanwhile, America’s largest newspaper publisher Gannett has laid off a capsized boatload of employees in recent days, but things appear to be quite rosy at the top. An internal team-building video has surfaced that’s raising quite a few eyebrows: it’s a parody of the LEGO Movie song “Everything is Awesome,” featuring company CEO Gracia Martore as the band leader. Mike, the reader who sent in this Video, writes: “As a former photojournalist myself, I love how they have money to produce bizarre videos like this as they cut staff.”

WHISTLEBLOWER WANNABE AND STATE-REPTILE JOHN “BUDGET HAWK” BECKER received the Annual William Wilberforce Award from Citizens for Community Values for speaking out “Honestly” on difficult issues.

IN ANDERSON: Members of the Forrest Gump School Board (Forest Heis, M.D.; Randy Smith; Jim Frooman; Julie Bissinger; and Tony Hemmelgarn) claim they’re taking “appropriate inaction” regarding that so-called investigation into Scandal-plagued Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s activities after they finally emerged from executive hiding and attempted to cover their asses for hiring “Smiling Dallas” in the first place. The only thing the Board’s investigator actually found out was that Anderson Trustee “In Russ We Trust” Jackson is probably not related to “Smiling Dallas,” but he’s not so sure about Disgraced Former Masturbating Anderson Township Trustee Kevin “Spanky” O’Brien. Maybe we’ll learn more after Friday’s hastily scheduled Double Top Secret “Executive Session,” where the public and press are also not invited, and The Fishwrap now strongly suspects may be violating Ohio law. Meanwhile, Angry Andersonians may continue e-mailing the Board to demand “Honesty” and “Integrity” from all of their school officials.

SPEAKING OF HONESTY: Way back when, in The Original Whistleblower edition that came out April 30, 1991 (before there was an “Honesty Day”), our Top Ten List was the things Disgraced DemocRAT Marvin Warner should do on his first day in prison. We showed our bad taste even then. To See the entire Edition #48, CLICK HERE

EARLY NON-VOTING UPDATE: Today there are only five more days until the 2015 Primary Elections in Ohio on May 5 and wouldn’t it be funny if Revered Former Ohio Congressman Bob McEwen called Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane yesterday, wanting to have breakfast and ride downtown to vote early at the Hamilton County Board of Elections. Kane told McEwen “I’ll take you up on the breakfast offer, but I’m not sure what Angry Andersonians are supposed to vote on next week, since there’s nothing on our ballots, unless we all wanted cast some write-in votes for Conservative School Board candidates who would actually do the jobs they’d campaigned for and were elected to do.” Actually, all Hamilton County Voters wanting to see if they have anything to vote for next Tuesday should check HERE.

IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken Camboo says Tuesday night, Covington Mayor Sherry Carran said the public could still ask questions at Covington City Commission meetings, but that didn’t mean any of the answers would be any more “Honest” than the motives of the questioners.

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how they should spend Honesty Day. Somebody suggested the most obvious thing to do on Honesty Day would be to be very honest with others as well as yourself. You could be introspective about the way you’re living your life and how you deal with others. If you are honest with yourself, you will probably find some room for improvement which may result in a better you.

Somebody else said the best thing to do on National Honesty Day would be to spread the word of honesty around. You could arrange to meet and talk to people about the virtues of honesty and enlighten them about how easy it is to be honest.

A third person said a good thing to do would be a find a person you’ve not been entirely honest with and clear your conscience by behaving honestly about the matter and try to clear it up. “Yeah, right,” Kane said. “And next year they could change the name of ‘Honesty Day’ to ‘Stupid Guy Who Really Deserved to Get his Ass Kicked Day.”

Charles Foster Kane has always prized “honesty” above all else. That’s why Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception once depicted Our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher as Diogenes, searching unsuccessfully for the Truth many years ago at Cincinnati City Hall.

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Noel Coward’s “It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Charlie Luken, back during those riotous days when he was running the City.

More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

Today’s edition is brought to you by another generous “in-kind” donation during our April fund-raising drive by Abbott Laboratories, now marketing a new form of Sodium Pentothal you don’t need permission from the DEA to buy.

HONESTY DAY HOT LINE

e-mail your integrous instagrams today.

Some totally honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally totally honest subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER HONESTY LINK OF THE DAY

Jimmy Kimmel Lie Detective #1

PLUS

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Monthly Archives: April 2015

Special “Honesty Day in America” E-dition