Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
A lot of blood was shed on Sunday’s date in American history. That was the day in 1775 when Patriots in Lexington and Concord fired the opening volley for liberty, where the shot heard ‘round the world officially began the American Revolution during the Battle at Lexington Green, in 1861, we had the first bloodshed during the Civil War. In 1993, Clinton’s Attorney General Janet Reno blew up David Koresh and his followers at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco; and in 1995, Timothy McVeigh blew up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Now which event do you think our Kneepad Liberals in the Press are most likely to mention? —Hurley the Historian
Some people confuse yesterday’s “Patriots’ Day” celebration with my “Patriot Day” commemoration on September 11. —George W. Bush
Did you forget to mention that yesterday in 1775, we set out on horseback from Boston, riding to every Middlesex, village, and farm to warn the countryside that the British were coming? —Patriots Paul Revere and William Dawes
Today we’re not just bringing you one little quote, we have the whole damn poem. And wouldn’t you know, even way back when, the New York Times was already undermining America’s patriotism. —Your Quote for Today Committee
A million fans hit the streets of Boston yesterday on Patriots’ Day for the 119th running of the Boston Marathon. Security was high along the 26.2 mile course, in recognition of the bombing of the 2013 race, which killed three people and injured 264 in the one of the most visible attacks on U.S. soil since Sept. 11, 2001. —Reuters News Service
How odd was it that this year Patriots’ Day was celebrated on Hitler’s Birthday? —Marge Schott
Did you see Ohio Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor’s misleading claims about his election results in the 2014 Election? Results from Cuyahoga County show he got even fewer people to vote for him in Cuyahoga County than Mitt Romney did and would actually have no chance of winning Ohio if he were the Republican nominee. —Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski
How bad is it when even those Liberal suckups at PMSNBC say my Complete Campaign Clusterfuck is the most contrived-appearing campaign ever? —Hillary
Do you think people would care to learn more about Hillary Clinton, especially all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press? —America Rising
If only Muslim Terrorists attacked a golf course, then the White House might finally pay attention. —Republican 2016 Presidential Candidate TEA Party Ted Cruz
We think it was really patriotic for us to take a two-week recess so we could go back home and campaign for re-election in only 567 more days. —Crooks in Congress
In Saturday’s Fishwrap, Clyde Stauffer from Finneytown complained about how often we were promoting the homosexual life-style, and that was even before Sunday’s big same sex-marriage propaganda piece demanding that the Supreme Court declare homosexual marriages the law of the land. —Feckless Fishwrappers
The tree that killed a 65-year-old woman when it fell and crushed her car in Bond Hill on Sunday had only been marked for demolition by the City of Cincinnati nine months ago. —BureaucRAT Buck-Passers at Cincinnati City Hall
Why would anybody complain about our “Diversity Event” where girls would have to spend the day wearing a hijab? —Mason High School
We’re inviting residents of every race, creed, color and sexual preference who wish to serve on the all new and improved Anderson Township Park Board to submit their names at the earliest opportunity, to replace the current board members and director, after that greedy group got caught trying to run a tax levy scam Thursday evening asking over-taxed payers to cough-up $25 Million to purchase and renovate property costing less than $9 Million. —The Really Pissed Off Township Trustees
Are any Persons of Consequence on The Blower’s exclusive e-mail list who unfortunately happen to be Fuse.Net and Zoomtown.com customers AGAIN complaining that they’re AGAIN no longer getting their Whistleblower advisories every day because we were are ONCE AGAIN mislabeling all communications from The Blower’s computer as “spam?” —Cincinnati Bell
Are sure this is the “next year” we were all waiting for? —Typical Reds Fan Farley Fairweather
The most patriotic thing in the issue of The Blower’s 20th Anniversary series that came out April 16, 1991 was a story about the weekend warriors in the 169th Underground Mess Kit Repair Group’s return to their unit in Norwood. [SEE EDITION #46 HERE]
In Northern Kentucky, everybody’s getting ready for the big Earth Day celebration on tomorrow. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
For the first Earth Day in 1970, my teacher let us out of class early so we could sweep up cigarette butts from the gutter. This weekend I attended the Earth Day concert on the DC Mall — not quite what I remember as a kid. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
It’s great to care about the environment (and people probably should), but it’s incredibly hypocritical to go to a concert celebrating the environment and leave the area a trash-strewn mess. Simply going to a concert is not an indulgence to litter in the future. —Christine Rousselle at Town Hall.com
In honor of Earth Day, we’ll be serving green bologna to all our guests at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
On Earth Day, can I still talk trash? —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
On Earth Day, are you allowed to cut your grass? —Goof Doofus
On Earth Day, is it still OK to make love to your sheep? —Gex “Rhymes With Sex” Williams
On Earth Day, you don’t have to reach up to put money in parking meters, right? —Steve “I’m 5’0, Not 4’11” Mergele
Here’s our Earth Day joke: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken wasn’t invented yet. —Creation Museum
Never lend geologists money. They consider a million years recent. —Bluegrass Pawn Shops
I always enjoy watching female mud wrestling on Earth Day. —Horny in Hebron
Earth first, we’ll strip mine the rest of the planets later. —Kentucky Coal Miners Association
For Earth Day, I asked this hot tree hugger babe if she’d like to sit on my stump. —Bobby Leach
Trish the Dish wants to know when we celebrate Up Uranus Day. —TV 19 News
It’s a funny thing, I asked the same question last night. —Sheree Paolello
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Married Gay Couples.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Looney Liberals to show that complaining about ecological problems without coming up with viable solutions is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t an Environmental Wacko.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially tree-huggers.
EARTH DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your noxious emissions today.
Some Green Weenie items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally Green Weenie subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Annoying Orange – Earth Day
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Joe Wessels [38 Mutual Friends, including Charlie Luken and Christopher Smitherman], planning to celebrate Earth Day tomorrow by personally picking up every piece of trash in Over-The-Rhine.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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