Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
Tomorrow is your dreaded TAX DAY, when asked which is worse, going to the dentist or filing their income taxes, it’s a close call. Nearly half of Americans would rather sit in the dentist’s chair than do tax paperwork.. —Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen
Next Friday (April 24) will be is TAX FREEDOM DAY for everybody in the United States this year. That means Americans will have worked 114 days during 2015 before they have earned enough money to pay this year’s tax obligations at the federal, state and local levels. —Your Friends at the Tax Foundation
That’s why we chose John Marshall’s “The power to tax involves the power to destroy.” That was in 1819. We wonder what that conservative Chief Justice would say today. —Your Quote for Today Committee
On this date in 1865, Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, was shot by John Wilkes Booth, an actor and Confederate sympathizer. This year, affiliates of the Islamic State group released an animated video depicting a jihadist beheading US President Barack Obama. —Hurley the Historian
Just because the president’s Federal tax rate was only 19.6% doesn’t mean he wasn’t paying his fair share. —Obama’s White House Propaganda Minister Josh Earnest
Does anybody remember last year when we decreased our charitable donations from 1.5 % of our incomes to .05 %? Many people were surprised when we raked in $26,400 in 2012 by renting a cottage on the property of our Delaware home to the Secret Service. No wonder I was bragging on YouTube that I now make a lot of money, Man! —Those Benevolent Bidens
What kind of lies would you like me to tell you about cutting taxes? —Disgraced DemocRAT Presidential Candidate Hillary Benghazi Clinton
Even though we won’t be having a big Tax Day Rally on Fountain Square this year, we will be having a fund-raiser at the Sharonville Convention Center tomorrow where you can hear our organizers bloviate endlessly about their claims of all they’ve accomplished, and it will only cost suckers $15 to attend. —TEA Party Patriots Passing the Hat
Ronald Reagan was the last president we had to say we’re going to dramatically cut tax rates. And guess what? More revenue came in, and tens of millions of jobs were created. —Republican Presidential Candidate Rand Paul
Instead of a tax code that crushes innovation [and] imposes burdens on families struggling to make ends meet,” imagine a simple flat tax that lets every American file his or her taxes on a postcard. —Republican Presidential Candidate Rand Paul
As Florida governor, from 1999 to 2007, I signed a number of tax cuts and tax-break expansions. —Republican Presidential Candidate Jeb Bush
I voted for the “Path to Prosperity” Balanced Budget Plan to cut spending and balance our budget in ten years. —Ohio Second District Republican Congressman Brad Wenstrup
I can’t remember how many times I’ve voted for a Balanced Budget Amendment. —Ohio First District Republican Congressman Steve Chabothead
The federal government’s $16.3 trillion national debt now exceeds our nation’s Gross Domestic Product. This lunacy must stop. Private industries regularly balance their budgets by implementing real spending cuts. The federal government should hold itself to the same standard. —Kentucky Republican Congressman Thomas Massie
Please don’t mention that time I was delinquent paying taxes on my DC condo. —Devious DemocRAT Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown
I voted for the Same-Sex Marriage Tax Deduction. —Ohio Republican Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman, 
Trailing Former Gayvenor Strickland in the Polls
Shouldn’t I be supporting lowering taxes on bakers who refuse to cater Sodomy Rites Events? —Indiana Republican Governor Mike Pense
April 15 is our favorite day of the year! —Disingenuous DemocRATS on Cincinnati City Clowncil
This year on Passover we were hoping IRS Auditors would be passing over our tax returns. —Jews for Lower Taxes
According to the Wall Street Journal, the Top 20% of earners pay 84% of the Income Tax. How fair is that? —Rich People Against Taxes
Obama has only tried to raise taxes 442 times since taking office. Thankfully, most of his proposed tax hikes died because of congressional opposition. —Anti-Taxers of America
Tax Day on April 15 would be a pretty big day for us, it we were really an anti-tax organization. —COAST
Remember, our April 15 deadline for filing your federal taxes is for real, it’s not just one of those phony baloney ObamaCare deadlines we’re all become accustomed to during Obama’s Failed Second Term. —Your Friends at the IRS
Why is the Anderson Park Board asking over-taxed payers to cough-up $25 Million to purchase and renovate property costing less than $9 Million? —Anderson TEA Party
Since voters were stupid enough to pass that humongous Forrest Gump School Tax Scam, we thought we’d like a big pile of that cash to piss away ourselves. —Anderson Township Park Board
After working on my taxes all weekend, I now have 1040 more reasons to hate the government. —Ken CamBoo
I just gave Hillary your e-mail address for her fund-raising suckers’ list. —Alison Wondergams Grimes
Does anybody remember when all my staffers had to work until midnight at my H&R Doofus offices to help all my constituents get their taxes done? —Goof Doofus
Most people don’t have to keep their tax records for more than three years, but if we suspect you’re a tax cheat, we’ll make you produce every document from the day you were born. —Your Friends at the IRS
Please don’t forget to pay your taxes on Wednesday. 21 million illegal immigrants (undocumented future DemocRATS) are depending on you. —Moises, Julio, Alfredo, and Jose
Until we have a simple flat tax without all that paperwork, over-paid members of Congress should be forced to fill out every one of their constituents’ tax forms for free. —Angry Over-taxed Payers
There should be no withholding. No phony “refunds.” If folks had to write really big checks on TAX DAY, people would actually know how much they’re paying. —Turbo-Taxers on a Rant
It’s a good thing they don’t hold every election on TAX DAY. —Tax-and-Spenders running for re-election
Trish the Dish wants to know exactly when everybody’s taxes are due. —TV 19 News
Sheree Paolello and Blondie Whalen were right. Clairol is deductible. —WCPO-TV Helicopter Reporter Dan Carroll (Formerly with TV 19)
The Whistleblower Newswire is churning out so many great e-ditions these days, our entire system was knocked off the air for a couple of hours Monday afternoon. —Go-Daddy
And if all of that isn’t newsworthy enough, let’s all watch me win the Liberal Liars Award when I tried to explain our “Voluntary Tax System.” —Disgraced DemocRAT U.S. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County RINO Party Boss, Alex T., Mall Cop GOP.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer —
Sometimes The Blower ridicules tax procrastinators to show that not filing your taxes on time is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who didn’t file an extension.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially our Procrastinators.
TAX CHEATS HOTLINE
e-mail your dishonest deductions today.
Some less-than-honest items in today’s Blower were sent in by our less-than-honest items subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Hillary’s Road Trip to Iowa Being Attacked by Right-Wing Extremists
(Sent in by Whistleblower Faux Facebook Friend Ohio State Senator Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz [3,015 Friends, 127 Mutual Friends including Bob McEwen and Jason Gloyd], showing us what he looks like on Tax Day.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
