Thursday, March 26, 2015
March Madness Mishmash
The worst part about March Madness besides all of that endless hype about all those NCAA Men’s Basketball Teams like Motherfucker State you really couldn’t care less about, is the nation’s loss of productivity, because thousands of businesses continue to suffer when millions of employees watch scores on their computers or games on their iPhones instead of actually working. That wasted productivity costs the U.S. economy billions of dollars.
Each March, tens of millions of brackets are filled out, but the odds that a bracket will be perfect, are only that is, every game guessed correctly, are only 9.2 quintillion to one. Why do you think Warren Buffet knew he was safe last year offering $1 billion to anybody who can fill out a perfect NCAA tournament bracket?
PRESIDENT OBAMA, who was too busy snubbing the new NATO Chief Jens Stoltenberg as Russia continued making new threats against the allies, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
SGT. BOWE BERGDAHL, who only ten months after Obama swapped five captured Murdering Muslim Taliban leaders for his release, is now being charged by the Army for Desertion just like The Blower predicted, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OBAMA’S CLUELESS SECRETARY OF STATE JOHN KERRY, who’s busy yelling at critics of his Nuke Deal the Iranians won’t put in writing, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
GOP SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE JOHN BOEHNER, who couldn’t get into his office on Wednesday with all those protesters being hauled off to jail, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
REPUBLICAN SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH McCONNELL, who says “The odds of the U.S. Senate rushing to approve Obama’s Racist Black Attorney General Nominee Loretta Lynch to replace Obama’s Racist Black Attorney General Eric Holder are only 4.8 quintillion to one,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
TEXAS TEA PARTY PATRIOT TED CRUZ, who became the first Republican to begin undoing the damage Obama has brought on America by officially announcing his 2016 campaign for president in only 593 more days, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
HILLARY CLINTON, who was just hit with a racketeering lawsuit by the Conservative group Freedom Watch that accuses her of failing to produce documents under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
ANOTHER LIBERAL LIAR WINNER VIRGINIA DEMOCRATIC CONGRESSMAN DON BEYER, who repeated the claim that more than 7,000 Americans were killed by “climate change-fueled” natural disasters last year in an attempt to tie burning fossil fuels with extreme weather, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OHIO REPUBLICAN GOVERNOR KASICH-TAYLOR, who would be happy to allow over-taxed payers to pick up the tab for his trip to New Hampshire so he can follow his wet dream of running for president, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
CITIZENS FOR COMMUNITY VALUES PRESIDENT PHIL BURR-ASS, who’s busy trying to figure out which one of A&E TV’s “Sluts in the Suburbs” he’d rather have sex with in Hamilton Township’s Horny Balls Subdivision in Warren County, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
CITY CLOWNCIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK, who’s wondering when A&E TV will be a showing “Queers in the Queen City,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
FECKLESS FISHWRAPPER KIMBALL PERRY, who’s too busy trying to keep track of Traci Hunter every time our Convicted Ditzy Democrat Juvie Judge pleads not guilty on every new criminal charge Racist Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters can come up with, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
HAMILTON COUNTY RINO PARTY BOSS ALEX T., MALL COP GOP, who’s finding it difficult to sell all those over-priced Lincoln-Reagan-Portman Day Dinner tickets and explain why he, along with Western Southern CEO John Barrett and Hamilton County Commissioner Me, Greg Hartmann, couldn’t raise enough money to bring the 2016 Republican National Convention to Cincinnati, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
DEADBEAT MAHOGANY’S OWNER LIZ ROGERS, who says if those stupid honkies think they’re getting any money on April 1, they’re the April Fools, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
THE SOUL FOOD SIX ON CINCINNATI CITY CLOWN-SALE (Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Street Car Flip Flopper P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Cecil Thomas, Wendell Young, and The Windbag), who say we’re glad nobody asked us to co-sign Liz’s Loan, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
ALL THOSE DUMBED-DOWN, SELF-ABSORBED, MEDIA-INFLUENCED, CELEBRITY-OBSESSED, POLITICALLY-CORRECT, UNINFORMED, SHORT-ATTENTION-SPAN, FREE-STUFF GRABBING, LOW-INFORMATION OBAMA VOTERS WHO PUT OBAMA IN THE WHITE HOUSE—TWICE, AND GET ALL OF THEIR INFORMATION FROM OUR OBAMA SUPPORTERS IN THE PRESS, who are willing to stand in line for three hours to vote early rather than using a 49-cent stamp to mail in an absentee ballot or walk to their neighborhood polling place on Election Day to vote for free, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
CINCINNATI CLOWN-CILMAN P.G. SITT-N-SPIN, who conveniently missed Wednesday’s vote to support homosexual marriage equality and will be in NYC for a DemocRAT Senate race fund-raiser Thursday night at the home of Bob Diamond, the former CEO of Barclays, who was forced out at Barclays because of interest rate manipulations, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
HAMILTON COUNTY’S DISINGENUOUS DOUBLE-DIPPING DEMOCRAT AUDITOR, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that were due on Ground Hog’s Day, even though you may still file a formal complaint with the Hamilton County Board of Revision until March 31, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
COAST’S LITIGIOUS LAWYER CHRIS FINNEY, who claims he’s ready to go back and argue for a politician’s Right to Lie before the U.S. Supreme Court again, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
ANXIOUS ANDERSONIANS, wasting all those hours filling out that Survey to vote against wasting all that money on the Anderson Park Board’s their taxing-and-spending plans, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN, who says on tomorrow’s day in 1998, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved use of the drug Viagra, an oral medication that treats impotence, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OUR GOOD FRIEND BOBBY LEACH, who says, “Next to BB&BJ Day, all my old friends and I say Viagra Day at Morehead is our favorite holiday of the entire year,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE, who chose Rodney Dangerfield’s, “I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice so I don’t know if I’m coming or going,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
BLUEGRASS BUREAU CHIEF KEN CAMBOO, who’s hoping his snitches return from Spring Break soon, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
BLUEGRASS STATE REPRESENTATIVE ADDIA WUCHNER, who was really surprised to see her picture in Tuesday’s Whistleblower, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
NORTHERN KENTUCKY DEMOCRAT DOMINATRIX KATHY GROOB, who wonders why The Blower didn’t feature that picture of her wearing her dominatrix outfit in Sunday’s E-dition, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
KENTUCKY FOURTH DISTRICT CONGRESSMAN THOMAS MASSIE, who says after legislators in Kentucky voted to make sure tolls would never be used to pay to renovate the Brent Spence Bridge, where the hell do they think they’re going to get the money, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OUR GOOD FRIEND KENTON COUNTY COMMONWEALTH ATTORNEY E ROB SANDERS, whose “This Week in Kenton Circuit Court” is always bursting at the seams with ugly mugs depicting the usual druggies, thugs, thieves, and scum bags, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
WHISTLEBLOWER ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES CONTRIBUTORS BEN DOVER AND PHIL MCKREVIS, who say if doesn’t matter if same sex marriages are legal in Kentucky, since all gays are probably going to Hell anyway, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS, who still manages to get his name in The Fishwrap, even though he’s still suspended from practicing law in both Ohio and Kentucky, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
CONTROVERSIAL CONSERVATIVE BLUEGRASS SENATOR RAND PAUL, who claims he actually believes he has a shot at the GOP Presidential Nomination in 2016, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH AND MICHAEL LIQUID PLUMMER, who say you sure can drink a lot watching Kentucky playing during March Madness, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
OLIVER KLOZHOFF, who only has a few more days of looking for Major Yabbos on Florida beaches during Spring Break, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
SOME PERSONS OF CONSEQUENCE on the Exclusive Whistleblower E-mail List who unfortunately happen to be Fuse.net and Zoomtown.com customers and haven’t received their daily media advisories from The Blower for the past week because Cincinnati Bell continues to mislabel all communications from The Blower’s computer as “spam,” didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
FINALLY, BELOVED WHISTLEBLOWER PUBLISHER CHARLES FOSTER KANE, who only has a few more days of being nice to women during Women’s History Month, didn’t fill out a perfect bracket.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “Oliver Klozhoff.”
Now From This Week, Here’s How “The Sweet Sixteen” Would Play Out If The Richest Teams Won Every Game
Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by Ohio Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor’s Exploratory Presidential Campaign Committee, hoping for a lot of FREE publicity during each of the next 593 days until the 2016 Presidential Elections.
MARCH MADNESS HOTLINE
e-mail your perfect brackets today.
Some employers’ time wasting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally employers’ time wasting subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
The BANNED Super Bowl Commercial You Haven’t Seen Yet!
(Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Blondie Whalen [952 Friends, 24 Mutual], who works part time in the Mayors Office in Y’All Ville.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
