Friday, March 20, 2015
Happy BB & BJ Day, Everybody!
THE MEANING OF “BB”: Debbie Darling in the Whistleblower Research Department says The Blower might want to print this illustration in today’s e-dition for “Trish the Dish,” Sheree Paleontology, and anyone else who is not familiar with “BB & BJ Day.” Darling Debbie found it on the net while trying to find out just exactly what “BB” stands for. You won’t believe how many people have asked the same question.
THE URBAN DICTIONARY describes Steak and Blowjob Day as a holiday for men, celebrated on March 14, the month after Valentine’s Day — a holiday for women.
The idea is simple: no cards, flowers, candy or other whimsical gifts. Ladies (and gay men), you simply bestow your partner with a steak and a blowjob. Not necessarily in that order.
For example
Dave: “Hey Bob, what did Sally get you for Steak and Blowjob Day?”
Bob: “Well Dave, that would be a big juicy steak, and a big juicy blowjob.”
IN ANDERSON, Gerth Pappas, who’s been counting down the days until BB & BJ Day ever since his last B and B, explains the premise behind Steak and Blow Job Day follow gift-giving protocol from Valentine’s Day: If a man treats his wife, girl-friend or significant other to sweets, flowers, jewelry and/or dinner to make her feel special on Cupid’s holiday, then she should return the favor on March 20 with juicy oral sex and a succulent steak. If the man’s a dud, then keep your mouths closed dear ladies as he should not be the recipient of your sexual favors and cooking prowess. If he isn’t a dud but just has a little bit of trouble getting going, maybe you could ask Google to recommend the best dick pumps so that he can still have fun on this special day.
The guys at PocketFives (whatever the hell that is) say are now celebrating “Steak, Beer, Blow Job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.” Simple, effective and self-explanatory…this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him.
Again, no cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town, the name of the holiday explains it all…just a steak, beer, a blow job and afterward just keep your fucking mouth shut for the rest of the day! That’s it!
This twin pairing of Valentine’s Day and Steak, Beer, Blow Job and Shut the Fuck Up Day will usher in a new age of love, as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It’s like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling.
Catholic men can once again enjoy BB & BJ Day in 2015, since March 20 falls on a Friday during Lent, when Catholics traditionally would have to abstain from any meat on the unofficial “Men’s Valentine’s Day.”
SODOMY RITES UPDATE: Whistleblower Alternative Life-Style Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say today’s BB & BJ Day will be just like any other Thursday, except for the Beer and Beef. City Clowncil Gay Chris Squealback will be reading the proclamation.
Meanwhile at the Whistleblower Help Desk, Miss Manners says BB & BJ Day is the one day in the year it would not be impolite for a woman to talk with her mouth full. Montgomery Inn will be giving away extra bibs at Thursday’s Businessman’s Special.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1854, the Republican Party was founded in Ripon, Wisconsin to oppose the spread of slavery into the western territories, and this year Obama is celebrating the event by sending sternly-worded warnings to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and working on his brackets for the 2015 NCAA Basketball Tournament. If ever a guy needed a BJ, it’s a loser like Obama!
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Chuck Palahniuk’s, “Sure, even the worst blow job is better than, say, sniffing the best rose, watching the greatest sunset, or hearing children laugh.” But Whistleblower Gossip Editor Linda Libel liked Devon Ashley’s “Just for the record, the way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach, but through the best fucking blow job ever. You want a man to be your bitch? Perfect your craft.”
BLUEGRASS BB & BJs: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says today’s Whistleblower BB & BJ Day Celebration will be the best ever. Everybody’s waiting to see if Disgraced DemocRAT Former Pants’Dropper in Chief Bill Clinton shows up at the bid BB & BJ Day Fundraiser for Alison Wondergams Grimes at the Fort Mitchell Country Club tonight and Passionate Pranksters changed the sign on the Water Tower on I-75 to read “Florence Y’all Come.”
Is it any surprise that The Blower is now the Official Publication for BB & BJ Day?
REACTION TO LAST YEAR’S COVERAGE ranged from Laurie’s “Please UN-subscribe me” to Rob’s “BB & BJ day has now replaced Mardi Gras as my favorite holiday.” This year we hope everybody gets what he really wants.
And it’s not as if The Blower has ever gone overboard with its coverage of this holiday, but last year when the CamBoozler Googled “BB & BJ Day,” the first several items were all from The Whistleblower-Newswire.
On February 3, Google said: “Our Ornery Obama Observer knows that Ground Hog Day came and went …. were still a little more than six more weeks to wait for BB & BJ Day.”
On February 29, Google picked up “The 2016 Presidential Elections is now only “599” days away. And Bitch McConnell says “Thank goodness, BB & BJ Day comes every year on March 20 …”
And how about when Google recognized our entire “Official BB & BJ Day Edition?”
No wonder, it’s our favorite holiday in the entire year.
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, everybody was lying about his plans for BB & BJ Day (especially Our Good Friend Bobby Leach who said, “I don’t ask for a blow ‘job’ because the word job makes it sound like its strenuous physical labor. Instead, I ask for mouth hugs.”) and Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if he’d heard those rumors that DemocRAT Opposition Researchers were in town looking through old yearbooks at UC to see what kind of damaging information they could uncover about local Conservatives to use in this year’s elections. “I sure hope they weren’t checking on me,” Kane replied, “especially to see if I was really pledging the fraternity in 1956 that got kicked off campus for having a 15-year-old housemother. We all thought she was at least 16.”
No wonder Charles Dickens might say our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher “knows how to keep BJs well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially “Gaggers.”
NOTE: there now appears to be some confusion between “BB & BJ Day” on March 20, and “Steak and Blowjob Day” on March 14, for some men who just couldn’t wait. It’s just like Early Voting. Just think— all those guys you see standing in line outside the Board of Erections were really just waiting for a blow job.
More BB & BJ Day E-Cards
Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse in Anderson, offering Curbside BJs, Full Bar, Happy Hour Specials, Kids Menu, Takeout Menu, and Call Ahead Waiting (whatever the hell that means).
BB & BJ DAY HOTLINE
e-mail your last-minute gift-giving suggestions today.
Some vile-and-disgusting items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally vile-and-disgusting subscribers, like this tasteful BB & BJ Day Card.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
“Steak & BJ Day!” by Deviancy Amplification Spiral
PLUS
Steak and a BJ Day Anthem (It’s My Day)
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (3/10) Movie CLIP – Carrot Practice
March 14th (must watch) deforestation on steak and BJ day
(Not Sent in by Women’s History Month Faux Facebook Friend Patty Brisben, because our Good Friend Joe Braun at Straus Troy says our Dildo World CEO is still busy hoping to sponsor the entire A&E “Sluts in the Suburbs” program Sunday night.)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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