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Thursday, March 12, 2015

More Historical Political Perspective

     By now almost everybody’s heard about The Ides of March on March 15. It was an ancient festival celebrating the Roman God Mars that didn’t end up being too festive for Julius Caesar, though. In Shakespeare’s version of the story, Caesar was warned to “Beware the Ides of March.” On that fateful day, Caesar was literally stabbed in the back by Brutus, his supposed ally. In Shakespeare’s play, Caesar uttered the famous dying words, “et tu, Brute?” which, as everyone except a Failed Cincinnati Public School graduate might know, means, You too, Brutus?”

Other famous Backstabbers throughout history include Brett Favre, whose breathtaking 15-year career with the Green Bay Packers made him a golden boy among Packer fans. But Favre stabbed Packer fans in the back when he started playing for the New York Jets in 2008 after initially claiming that he simply wanted to “retire” from the Packers.

Benedict Arnold was a very promising colonial general during the American Revolution. Much to his displeasure, however, he was passed over for promotion by the Continental Congress in 1777 in spite of a sterling record and suffering a battle wound. When he was given command of West Point in 1780, Arnold finalized his plans to not only defect, but also surrender his fortress to the British for the price of £20,000. Benedict Arnold was the original American Backstabber.

Then there’s the story of Judas Iscariot, one of the earliest and least popular accountants of all time, that teaches us even the nicest of guys have to watch their backs. And sides.

Until today in America, where Obama has now become our Backstabber in Chief. Have you ever noticed how we’ve all become more familiar with the term “thrown under the bus” since Barak Hussein Obama first began his campaign for President?

Conservative radio rock star Laura Ingraham is only the latest Conservative to use the dreaded “I-Word,” but The Blower remembers a year ago when Legendary War Hero Ollie North said, “If any other president had tried to do what Obama has done, he already would be impeached.” Unfortunately members of John Boehner’s RINO-Controlled House of Representatives, where Impeachment begins, are not made of sterner stuff.

 More Local Backstabbing

JUST IN TIME FOR WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH: The latest Progressive Political Pogrum has been launched by the Powers of Political Correctness against anyone who would use the word “Bossy” when referring to a woman. No Kidding! Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole says you’ll probably see the “Ban Bossy Campaign” publicized almost as often as the utter unfairness that gay groups were not invited to take part in this year’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

In a related item, Our Good Friend Bobby Leach wonders if all those Bossy Bitches will be blowing off BB&BJ Day on March 20. 

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW: Reacting to Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel’s report that some people were really surprised to hear about WLW Radio Geezer Jim Scott’s retirement on April 6 because most Backstabbers thought Senile Old Jim Scott had passed away twenty years ago, John “No Left Turns in Goshen” Joseph says, “He might as well have. Radio’s undisputed Mr. Nice Guy has run his course: interrupting interviews, mindless babbling, disconnected segways, and who-gives-a-rat’s ass topics have been the norm for too long. Wednesday morning was no exception. After stepping on aviation guru Jay Ratliff three or four times, he babbled over Earl Pitts’ introductory trumpet call with ‘Well, Jay…maybe we can just forget flying and drive. That’s the advantage of the Big One’s signal—you can hear us everywhere. Hello, Earl!’ Thanks for the memories, Jim. See ya. Welcome back, Mike McConnell!”

OUR FOP SNITCH (PROBABLY NOT KATHY HARRELL) says: so Cincinnati’s police chief sent the new recruit class “Compassion” training.  They learned to make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ever.  I hope they don’t let their guard down because of this training when confronted by one of those poor, misunderstood yoofs carrying a gun. 

GAY NEWS UPDATE: Alternate Lifestyles Contributors Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis say these dudes might look like a new boy band, but it was the world’s first THREE-WAY same-sex marriage when Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for the Gayness” Portman officiated for Gay Thai men tying the knot in a “fairytale ceremony.”  Meanwhile, a conservative student group at a Washington, DC, college has been branded a “hate group” and fears it could lose its funding for refusing to take part in gay, lesbian and transgender-oriented sensitivity training. Perhaps those young Conservatives shouldn’t have called Portman for help.

OUR CATHOLIC COMEDIAN says he saw a sign on a church that said “Lent is Spring Training for Christians.”

UNITED APPALL PEOPLE: Even 24 years ago, dumbed-down do-gooders were reading every word in The Whistleblower, especially stories about people who liked donating at the Sperm Bank in Over the Rhine.

IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says GOP Surrender Monkey Mitch McConnell had already “pre-surrendered” on the debt ceiling.  American Prowler’s Emily Zanottii reports last week’s fold on DHS funding was, apparently, only the first is a series of events designed to erode America’s flailing confidence in the new, Republican Congress’s ability to achieve any marked change in how business is done in Washington. Because, as we gear up for discussions on the debt ceiling (the one-year debt ceiling “holiday” expires within the week), we find that Congressional leadership – specifically Bitch McConnell – fresh off the three-month budget ordeal that netted Republicans exactly nothing, has already planned to forgo any “extraordinary measures” that would give them a better negotiating position on raising the debt ceiling. This may, of course, be McConnell’s and Boehner’s way of “paying back” Conservatives in the House and Senate for throwing a wrench into the DHS deal, as well.

Ditzy DemocRAT Kentucky Secretary of State Alison Wondergams Grimes must have all the money she needs for her re-election campaign, because we haven’t seen a single fund-raising e-mail so far during the entire Women’s History Month.

And speaking of Women’s History Month, our Good Friend Bobby Leach says he knows he already reminded us today, but he wanted to make sure you knew BB&BJ Day on March 20 is only a little more than a week away. 

In a related item, Citizens for Community Values (CCV), One Million Moms and the American Family Association are urging supporters to boycott the network and its advertisers until it drops its new program, “Neighbors with Benefits,” set to premiere March 22. CCV President Phil Burr-Ass wonders if the premiere broadcast will include how BB&BJ Day is celebrated in Warren County.

REPUBLICANS FOR HIGHER TAXES emerged from Winter Break to name their 2014 Loser of the Year.  It was a very deserving choice.

FLOOD WATCH: Fishwrapper Flood Forecaster Keith BieryGolick reported the continued rise of the Ohio River is closing roads on Cincinnati’s East Side. Kellogg Avenue was closed at noon Wednesday “basically from Sutton Avenue to 4 Mile Road,” according to Kirk Music, a highway maintenance supervisor for the Hamilton County Engineer’s Office, while also picking up more dirt and sliding mud on Columbia Parkway blocking three lanes of traffic. The basement at the Whistleblower World Headquarters still remains partially submerged.

FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane why The Blower is going out of its way to promote Women’s History Month this year, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher replied, “It’s just like what Steve “Wild and Crazy Guy” Martin (the comedian, not the judge) always said:  “I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal…high enough so you can see up her dress. 

TODAY’S BEST “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO

Hillary Rodham Clinton, who not even all the Kneepad Liberals in the Press believe about her missing e-mails. Let’s face it, when we’re all thinking about the Great Undo Election of 2016, can we really trust Hillary to create jobs in America? The last time she had a job to do she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky.  Harried Hillary also had a pretty straightforward message for Disgruntled DemocRATS and the media: Suck it up. She’s all they’ve got. There’s no viable alternative to her other than a Republican president.

MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Sir Walter Scott’s “Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive!”

 What that means, for all you Failed Cincinnati Public Schools Graduates out there is: A lie often requires other lies…and those, still more lies…until the whole  structure of lies becomes so unwieldy it ensnares the liar, sort of like Hillary’s Press Conference Debacle on Tuesday.

Today’s Seediest Kid of All Is

Young Tom Brinkman, who learned to hate taxes at an early age. He had to do without cable-TV because his dad was afraid if he couldn’t pay his property taxes on time, the Brinkman name would appear in the newspaper and the entire family would be too ashamed to show their faces in public, so Young Tom had to stay home and cry a lot.  

So the Seediest Kids of All gave Young Tom’s family a bogus vendor’s license, so they could avoid paying sales taxes, and prepared phony non-profit organization papers so the family business could avoid paying income taxes. Tax scofflaw Roger Ach even invited Young Tom to his Christmas party so he could meet other people who didn’t like paying their taxes, and we gave Young Tom a big stack of tax forms so he could vent his anger by chopping them up with an ax.

The Brinkman family still hates taxes, but maybe when he grows up, Young Tom can run for political office. That’s if, he can ever figure out how to run a winning campaign. He could even call himself “Taxkiller Tom” and actually do something about cutting taxes, unless he was endorsed by the tax-and-spend Hamilton County GOP.  Those lousy RINO bastards are worse than liberal DemocRATS, because they only pretend to be in favor of smaller government.

The entire Brinkman family is grateful to the Seediest Kids of All, but it’s really you they have to thank, because it’s your liberal guilt throughout the year which makes it all possible. 

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.  

More Cutting Edge Conservative Cartoons

  Another Proud Sponsor and Avid Fan

 Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our March fund-raising drive by the International Registry of Backstabbers, offering to send your backstabber a full color certificate (suitable for framing!) to memorialize their backstabbing deeds. 

BACKSTABBER BALLOTS HOT LINE

e-mail your nastiest nominations today. 

 Some backstabbing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally backstabbing subscribers, but we could always use more.

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 Those Lying Clintons

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