Monday, March 2, 2015

More Merciless Mockery

        For the past several days, The Blower has been making jokes about how Squeaker John Boehner’s House Republican leaders tried to pass a stopgap funding bill to prevent being blamed for an imminent partial shutdown of the Homeland Security Department, as RINOs in the Senate struggled to reach a long-term cave-in deal after passing a so-called “clean” bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) 68-31 on Friday, less than a day before the department was poised to run out of money.

Then on Friday afternoon there was chaos in Congress as House Republican leaders failed to squeeze out a short-term victory, after the chamber rejected a three-week funding measure that would prevent the Homeland Security Department from shutting down at midnight. All of which really didn’t  really matter, because Disingenuous DemocRAT Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid had vowed to block a conference committee over DHS funding, fearing that it could lead to immigration riders being attached again. 

Then Senators voted Friday night to pass a short-term spending bill, less than four hours before the department ran of money, so of course we’ll be back here again this week,  while multiple reports Boehner had cut a deal to pass a long-term funding bill for the Department of Homeland Security without ties to rolling back Obama’s executive action on Amnesty reignited rumblings about a Boehner coup.Meanwhile, all  those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, were really interested. And as the readership statistics on The Blower’s web page would indicate, our Persons of Consequence were in full snooze. 

How Will We Ever Find a Way to Say Something Sarcastic?

 At Sunday’s Special meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be celebrating National Sarcasm Month this March. “I’m not sure if we ever could say sarcastic things about people,” Kane replied, “since we’ve always prided ourselves on telling the Absolute Truth,” especially since our Garrulous Grammarian says using sarcastic language is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.

SARCASM FOR DUMMIES says when somebody asks you a question, first think of an honest answer. Then think of the opposite of it. Then say it out loud and roll your eyes. See how easy that is?

OUR EGREGIOUS ETYMOLOGIST says anyone who has suffered from the sarcastic remarks of others will not be too surprised to learn that sarcasm, “a cutting remark,” comes from a Greek verb, sarkazein, that literally means “to tear flesh like a dog.”

OUR SARCASTIC QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE says Stephen Bishop must’ve been thinking about the Obama Administration when he said, “It’s a catastrophic success.”

BARACK OBAMA, WARRIOR PRESIDENT says he’d rather be dealing all of his crises and scandals than attending DNC Fundraisers.

OBAMA’S IMAM JOHN KERRY says Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu will really be welcome to speak to Congress tomorrow.

WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says with only 617 more days until the THE GREAT UNDO ELECTION in 2016, “Americans will be looking for the same kind of lying elected officials steeped in scandal and hypocrisy, because after eight disastrous years of failed promises and deceptions from Obama and Congress, everybody agrees there is no need for Real Change at the White House and in Congress.” No sarcasm there!

OHIO GOP GOVERNOR KASICH-TAYLOR says Real Republicans in South Carolina really approved of his positions on Raising Taxes and Common Core when he took his presidential campaign to the Palmetto State last month.

METRO MOLE says Forlorn Fishwrappers were really sorry to hear Skaggie Maggie was being fired.

CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET says he’s really surprised there were no riots when Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter’s verdict was announced.

HAMILTON COUNTY OFFICIALS couldn’t be happier about Sheriff Jim Neil’s PMSNBC’s “Lockup” reality TV Show premiering this week about blood, death threats, snitches and a guy who stabs people with pencils.

THE SOUL FOOD SIX (Clown-sale Members Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, rich heiress boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas), say Deadbeat Liz Rogers should not be “singled out” to repay that paltry $283,869 she still owes over-taxed payers.

SUBURBAN SLUTS IN WARREN COUNTY’S HAMILTON TOWNSHIP say their Conservative neighbors with binoculars really don’t mind when they swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships while going about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches.

SODOMY RITES ACTIVISTS BEN DOVER, PHIL MCKREVIS AND CINCINNAT CLOWN-CIL GAY CHRIS SQUEALBACK say they will find it difficult to chose between Rob “Fighting for Faggotry” Portman and former Gayvener Strickland in next year’s Ohio Senate Race.

CLERMONT COUNTY REPUBLICANS say it really doesn’t matter when they get to see those pictures they paid all that money to have taken with Kentucky Senator Rand Paul at last month’s Lincoln-Reagan-Uible Day Dinner.

ANDERSON TOWNSHIP REPUBLICANS can hardly wait until Wednesday’s meeting to hear more about Andy Pappas’ plans for the upcoming Lincoln-Reagan-“In Russ We Trust” Jackson Day Dinner at the Anderson Government Center.

HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says Persons of Consequence who are permitted to subscribe to The Blower would really know if on this date in 1807, Congress abolished the African slave trade, but according to The Blower, The Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center still “Permanently Enslaves the Over-Taxed Payers of Hamilton County.”  

THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose “White Guilt, it makes you keep on giving.”

DEMOCRAT BLUEGRASS SENATE CANDIDATE ALISON WONDERGAMS GRIMES says even though I’m only running for re-election as Kentucky’s Secretary of State, please sign my meaningless petition to stand with me to get Congress to pass paycheck fairness for women and give me some money, too.

DEMOCRAT DOMINATRIX KATHY GROOB says she really sorry she called Bitch McConnell’s wife a “chink.”

DEMOCRAT FUNDRAISER NATHAN “CORNBREAD” SMITH says he plans to hold a fund-raiser for Hillary amid his Mobile Home Park sewage and stench when she comes to Kentucky to campaign.

THAT CABAL OF NoKY ATTORNEYS OUT TO DESTROY ERIC “CALL ME CRAZY” DETERS (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) didn’t laugh once when they heard Channel 9 “Substantially True” News was reporting “Crazy Eric” is now suing the Kentucky Bar Association for damages and reinstatement of his law license.

FINALLY, is Judge Jeanine being sarcastic when she says nothing in Washington makes sense these days?

The Sarcasm Society* says

There is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.

Sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it. Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon complex, that can cause someone to logicise that sarcasm is the humor of the stupid.

Now I know what most of you are going to say, and I cannot wait to hear from each and every one of you.

*It is really just one guy.

 TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, who during a recent press event regarding the battle over the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) funding bill, attempted to address how difficult it was for people – even members of Congress – to go without timely paychecks. The Dishonest DmocRAT California representative, who is worth $29.01 million herself.

SARCASM ALERT HOTLINE

e-mail your cutting comments today. 

Some really sarcastic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally really sarcastic subscribers. 

 More Sarcastic E-Cards

 WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

 How to be Sarcastic

PLUS

 The most sarcastic line ever

(Sent in by The Sarcasm Society, because they really, really value your opinion.)

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