Friday, February 20, 2015
Not Ready for the National News
With the wide open race for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination fully under way, Republican organizations across America have already been competing to attract front-runners to be featured speakers at their local Lincoln-Reagan Day fund-raisers. The Clermont County Cronies snagged Rand Paul when he was still in the top tier, but Hotline reports the Kentucky senator has dropped after a somewhat shaky start to 2015. Some of the biggest headlines he has generated have been negative ones: He shushed a female anchor on CNBC, twisted himself in knots trying to talk about freedom and vaccinations, and flopped at the Koch brothers summit, where he showed up for a presidential job interview in blue jeans. That and some faulty local planning resulted in Tuesday night’s Lincoln-Reagan-Uible Day Disappointment in “TEA Party Red” Clermont County that did not make the national news or even The Fishwrap for that matter, although there was a small notice promoting the event in the Clermont Sun on February 5. Thursday morning, the voice mail message at the Clermont County Republican Party was promoting Tuesday night’s event and all those people who paid to have their pictures taken with Rand Paul were probably still wondering when they would ever see them. Thursday, The Fishwrap had a big story about a Clermont County couple appearing on HGTV’s “House Hunters.”
Meanwhile in Hamilton County, which turned “Bilious Blue” after RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP sold out to Greedy Hearse-Chasing, Disgraced Democrat, Clinton-Loving, Fen-Phen Scandal Plagued, Finally-Totally-Disbarred Trial Attorney $tan Che$ley in 2006 and has not yet announced a date for his annual Lincoln-Reagan Day event, partly because of the Reagan family’s objections, but mostly because of Alex’s inability to attract a big name featured speaker that people on his suckers list would be willing to pay to see.
That may be why The Blower has heard so many rumors that the Anderson Township Republican Club, which has for so long considered itself the last hope for a Hamilton County Republican Party wandering in the wilderness, has assigned Township Trustee Andy Pappas the responsibility of organizing its own Lincoln-Reagan-“In Russ We Trust” Jackson Day Dinner at the Anderson Government Center, and will announce the date as soon as they can decide on a featured speaker from all those front-running Republican presidential candidates already offering to speak at the upcoming Anderson event, to be broadcast live on our under-funded Anderson Community Cable TV, that’s if the Anderson Trustees don’t shut it down first.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Atwater Tadwell, named for the legendary brutal Conservative campaign consultant Lee Atwater, who always said “Perception is reality” and “Just keep stirring the pot, because you never know what will come up.”
Atwater says Rand’s speech was reportedly only attended by 380 people. Did Milford City Council really have a hearing on the controversial Milford on Main project which attracted 200 people Tuesday night? The Miami Township Board of Trustees met Tuesday night as well, on their regularly scheduled meeting night. Apparently whoever planned Rand’s speech was not too worried about what else was happening in the northern part of Clermont County, although they chose to hold the event in Miami Township regardless.
Paul’s stock campaign speech didn’t get a lot of press, but some counterfeit celebrity calling herself “Libertarian Girl” was acting as The Randster’s shill, and shared his photo and a commercial on her Facebook page during the event.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in rewarding brutal Conservative Campaign Consultants to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors, and our Quote for Today Committee chose Rich Becker’s “Elections are won or lost on emotions, not on logic.”
A NEW JEWISH HOLIDAY, sent in by Bibi Netanyahu
After the mid-term elections, Barack Hussein Obama, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future, she finds the answer:
“You will die on a Jewish holiday.”
“Which one?” Obama asks nervously.
“It doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it’ll be a Jewish holiday.”
MATH TRICK, sent in by Penn Gillette
I love math tricks and this one really works and will only take you about ten seconds!!!
Amazing it really works to reveal your all-time favorite movie.
I’m pretty good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!
DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom
You will be AMAZED at how scary true and accurate this test
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply that number by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.
Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:
Movie List:
1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Blazing Saddles
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Obama Farewell Speech After Impeachment
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
Now, isn’t that Amazing?
“DAD, ABOUT YOUR WILL” by A Chagrined Conservative
A Garrulous Geezer was telling his swimming buddy in the men’s locker room of the Lyons YMCA in Anderson who had just been oogling pretty lifeguards Casey and Alexis, “You won’t believe what happened last night…My daughter walked into the living room and said, ‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.’ “
“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”
“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that, she actually said…’Dad, meet my new boyfriend -Mohammed. We’re going to work together on Hillary’s election campaign.
AND A QUICKIE from Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
The Best Bartender Joke Yet
A Suspended Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist, and, a Terrible Golfer walk into a bar.
Bartender says: “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
More Stories We’re Working On
OBAMA’S “Jobs for Jihadists” Program- FEDS Losing Track of Illegals
- President DID NOT SIGN Amnesty Order
- SKAGGIE MAGGIE Finally Fired
- PORTMAN Panicks Over Political Primary
- CLOSING REMARKS at Clermont Dinner Just Concluding
- COVINGTON RESIDENTS Could See Insurance Tax Hike
And Just How True Is This?
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said they planned to celebrate Presidents’ Day on Monday:
(A) Getting a day off with pay: 2%
(B) Buying a mattress: 1%
(C) Getting a BJ like President Clinton did: 1%
(D) Working: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Presidents’ Day Poetry
This week, everybody who lets their kids open their Presidents’ Day presents on Presidents’ Day Eve e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest. The winner is noted presidential scholar Elwood P. Twiddle, PHD, instructor emeritus at Hooven Tech.
Elwood wins bus fare to visit the home of William Henry Harrison, that’s been paved over to become the intersection of Washington and Symmes Streets in North Bend, Ohio; a steel-engraved portrait of George Washington suitable for framing, and commemorative kneepads from the Clinton White House. His winning limerick is:
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is that them we no longer obey
Though Abe was a prince
With Obama I wince
Wish he was a Good DemocRAT today.
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Is putting on a powdered toupee
And playing judge with a gavel:
Have will travel…
“Don’t sanction me, bro – I’m OK!!”
Dishonorable Mentions
The best part about Dead President’s Day
Shouldn’t be getting a day off with pay.
The purpose, you slacker,
Is to become a statesmen like backer,
Because our virtues are in serious decay.
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Besides having a day off with pay;
Is not to be patriotic,
But to do something erotic,
And celebrate our moral decay.
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day,
(Other than staying home with full pay);
Is that Clinton, Carter, and others,
One day will join those dead mothers,
And we won’t have to hear the crap that they say.
The best part about Dead President’s’ Day
Is putting apostrophes in play.
Some people guess
Before, or AFTER the ‘ess’,
Whatever would your English teacher say?
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked and now has something to tell the padre at this week’s confession):
The best part about Dead Presidents’ Day
Is that the Messiah will eventually end up that way.
Then we’ll see him no more
Especially at Mt. Rushmore
If I never see him again, that’s OK.
The best part of dead Presidents’ Day
Is that at some point this one will also be that way.
I don’t wish him bad luck
(Though I really don’t give a good … uh … “darn”)
Just call me a nasty old Republican ofay!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“This month we study Black History”
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Horny Historians.
TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO
South Florida Dishonest DemocRAT Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who is also Spokesbimbo for the DemocRAT National Committee, DNC Chief Wasserman Schultz is outraged that Republicans haven’t rushed to defend Obama’s “Patriotism,” especially after Rudy Giuliani went straight for the jugular Wednesday night during a private group dinner here featuring Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker by openly questioning whether President Barack Obama “loves America.” The former New York mayor, speaking in front of the 2016 Republican presidential contender and about 60 right-leaning business executives and conservative media types, directly challenged Obama’s patriotism, discussing what he called weak foreign policy decisions and questionable public remarks when confronting terrorists.
Today’s #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month Moment
According to CNN, Obama’s InJustice Department is preparing to bring Racism Charges against the Ferguson Police Department before Obama Disgraced Black Racist Attorney General Eric Holder leaves office. Race Baiter Al Sharpton says Holder will be announcing results of the department’s so-called investigation of the shooting death of Michael Brown and a broader probe of the Ferguson Police Department before he leaves office in the coming weeks.
HISTORICAL HOT LINE
E-mail your Founding Fathers’ messages today.
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Second American Revolution
(not sanctioned by the NEA or the American Association of History Professors)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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