Monday, February 16, 2014

Presidents’ Daze

Last week, Whistleblower Lexicographer Funkin’ Wagnall’s said the proper spelling for today’s invented holiday is “Presidents’ Day,” not “President’s Day” or “Presidents Day.”

Since then, we’ve only seen it spelled wrong about a million times, especially in advertisements by companies which should know better, like Macy’s, Toyota, and the Onion Store, (that wants you to fill your life with trivial crap from the past on this “President’s Day.”) Maybe it’s just a really big accident when somebody actually spells “Presidents’ Day” correctly.

But now The Blower’s presidential historian Dorian Grady says, “In a way, ‘President’s Day’ could also be correct.

Because according to the federal government, the holiday being observed today is officially “Washington’s Birthday.”

But many dumbed-down Americans believe this holiday is now called “Presidents’ Day,” in honor of both Washington and Lincoln, who were born on February 22 and 12 respectively, which doesn’t exactly explain why Tuesday night in Clermont County, the Cronies are trying to sell $85 “vegetarian dinners” at their Lincoln Reagan Day Dinner with Kentucky Senator Rand Paul.

But which president is being honored may actually depend on where you live, because states don’t have to adopt federal holidays, which only shut down federal offices and agencies, and some states that celebrate Washington’s Birthday also recognize Lincoln’s Birthday as a separate legal holiday.

In 1968, Congress passed the Monday Holidays Act, which moved the official observance of Washington’s Birthday from February 22 (the actual date of Washington’s birth in 1732) to the third Monday in February (to give bureaucRATS and disgruntled members of public employee unions who don’t want to pay their fair share another paid holiday along with a three-day weekend).

Some reformers also wanted to change the official name of the holiday to “Presidents’ Day,” to honor both Washington and Lincoln, but that sensible proposal was rejected by Congress, and the holiday remained officially Washington’s Birthday. Our hidden camera at Mt. Rushmore records a touching tribute to George Washington and Abraham Lincoln on their special day.

But in 1971, when the Act went into effect, President Nixon proclaimed the “Presidents’ Day” holiday would commemorate all past presidents, not just Washington and Lincoln.

This idea of honoring all the presidents was never actually intended or authorized by Congress, but people today being as stupid as they are, that’s what most Americans think.

That’s probably because every child in the American public education system is now being taught the third Monday in February has been designated as Washington- Adams- Jefferson- Madison- Monroe- Adams- Jackson- Van Buren- Harrison- Tyler- Polk- Taylor- Fillmore- Pierce- Buchanan- Lincoln- Johnson- Grant- Hayes- Garfield- Arthur- Cleveland- Harrison- McKinley- Roosevelt- Taft-Wilson- Harding- Coolidge- Hoover- Roosevelt- Truman- Eisenhower- Kennedy- Johnson- Nixon- Ford- Carter- Reagan- Bush 41- Clinton- Bush 43-Obama Day.

Now let’s all watch our 2015 Presidents’ Day Morph, from Washington to Obama. Pictures were uploaded on Nov 18, 2008 and morphed in sequence from George Washington to (then President Elect) Obama. Pictures of the Presidents were found by library and internet search. Images were edited in Photoshop Elements to make them all the same size. The faces were morphed from one to the next using FantaMorph. The images were put into Vegas Pro and faded from one to the next and the face morph overlaid and? “cookie cuttered” out so that the backgrounds faded and the faces morphed simultaneously. The music is ‘Hooked on America’ performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

By including all the presidents, we can now show equal honor and respect to the authors of the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Gettysburg Address, and the infamous “I did not have sex with that woman” speech. But only one person was the first President of the United States. That man was General George Washington, who led American troops in the decisive battles of our Revolution, a fact unknown to a majority of our Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.

Whistleblower Media Watchdog Harry the Cable Guy has an important word of advice for all the licentiousness-driven reporters and reporterettes who decide to do a story about the so-called “racism” of that Kentucky-born fellow named Abraham Lincoln on this glorious day we have proclaimed as Presidents’ Day. The word is “PERSPECTIVE.”

Abraham Lincoln was a good and decent man who believed in fairness and in always doing what is right. He put his heart and soul into fighting the grave injustice of slavery and, after a tremendous dose of deeply vile criticism and second-guessing by the media gnomes of the time and successfully leading this nation through a bloody and protracted Civil War, he ultimately gave his life for the noble cause of freedom.

Now, the nothing-happened-or-matters-until-after-we-were-born media will try to make the case that Abraham Lincoln was some kind of “racist.” And if they can call Lincoln a racist, they’ll do the same to anyone else who doesn’t agree with them. So who really are the narrow-minded people in this great country?

Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says George Washington might be the only U.S. president who is officially honored with a federal holiday, but given a list of some of America’s most influential other past presidents, more than one-in-four Americans (27%) chose Ronald Reagan as the one if another were to be recognized with a holiday. John F. Kennedy comes in second (20%).

PLAGIARISM COUNT: Unattributed material was pilfered from a mere 428 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.

Obama Is Now The Fifth Best President In American History

After significant research by both the history and social sciences departments at Texas A&M University, they have announced that Obama is the fifth best president in our history. That’s right—from a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the fifth best President ever!

The publicity release said,”…after only five years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the 5th best President ever.”

The details according to TEXAS A&M:
Reagan & Lincoln tied for first,
23 presidents tied for second,
17 other presidents tied for third,
Jimmy Carter came in 4th, and
Obama came in fifth!

Now doesn’t that just make your days, Libtards!

Presidential Press Coverage

Some things never change, from Lincoln to Bush, as with this Chicago Times quote concerning Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

Evidentially Lincoln was not a great orator (like the fabled Stephen Douglas), which offended the Times so much that they didn’t even bother to examine the actual content of the speech, which most people today regard as “the best speech ever written.”

Here’s what the Chicago Times wrote: “The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat, and dish-watery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as President of the United States.”

Come to think of it, a tingle runs up Chris Matthews’ leg every time our PMSNBC Loudmouth Lush hears Obama speak.

So these days our Kneepad Liberals in the Press will continue to pan Dubya’s speeches much in the same way, even though he’s been out of office for more than two years.

Obviously Dubya wasn’t Lincoln, but the liberal media bias is still the same.

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Biased Liberals in the Press!

Go Ahead— Steal Our Presidents’ Day Cards!

We didn’t pay for them either!

LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS HOT LINE

e-mail your egregious examples today

Some historically accurate items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally historically accurate contributors, but we could always use more.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Geico asks, “Was Abe Lincoln Really Honest?”

(Sent in by Faux Facebook Friend Benjamin Franklin with 299 Friends [55 Mutual])

PLUS

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Daily Archives: February 15, 2015

Just Another “Invented National Holiday” E-dition