Monday, February 9, 2015
What Ordinary Americans Think About “Indecision 2016”
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen reports Mitt Romney was the big newsmaker last week with his announcement that he is not running for president again. In announcing his decision, Romney said he hoped Republicans would pick a fresh face to be their 2016 presidential nominee, and GOP voters strongly agree with him.
But unfortunately, all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, who gave Obama another four years to ruin the country in 2012 couldn’t care less, because we’ll all be suffering through the next 710 days of the America’s Dark Ages during Obama’s Second Term (unless he’s impeached).
That’s why The Whistleblower rounded up some of our usual suspects. We found them at dawn still praying for Free Brent Spent Bridge Toll Cards at the 73,381 pound World Peace Bell in Newport, Kentucky Sunday morning.
We just had to find out what they really thought about all those really important the truthfulness of their presidential candidates, especially after The Blower discovered the possibility that Obama Supporters in the Press who’ve been covering up for all of Obama’s lies since Day One, might also be telling their own lies after NBC’s Lyin’ Brian Williams was forced to recant that Iraq War Lie he’s been repeating for the past 12 Years.
MAMA MARUSKA, RETIRED HOMEMAKER: There must be a zillion people running for president already, but the landscape isn’t littered with their yard signs yet. But how is anybody supposed to know which candidate to vote for until the Morning Fishwrap publishes its complete list of political endorsements for every one of the 2016 races?
PORKY DORKMAN, STUDENT: My teacher (whose union spent millions of dollars in ad buys supporting ObamaCare but now they still want to be exempt), wants everybody in the class to go home and tell our parents to call their Republican Members of Congress and demand they tell GOP Speaker of the House John Boehner to uninvited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu from criticizing Obama’s Feckless Foreign Policy in a speech to Congress next month, while Obama is actively trying to get Netanyahu unelected in the upcoming Israeli Election. 
MARLENE MANDIBLE, TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE: I’m hope those DemocRAT Candidates Who Care About People Like Me are promising to restore some of my Food Stamp money, because Obamacare will be making my Medicaid fiscally unsustainable, and the Ladies on “The View” say Obama will be forced use the power of his pen to shut down the government again so all of our Obama Supporters in the Press can blame it on the Republicans.
NORMA RASHID, FORMER TV5 ANCHORWOMAN: If Republicans in Congress would only forget to investigate all of Obama’s and his Disingenuous DemocRATS’ many scandals, I could just sit home alone replaying Charlie Luken’s commercials on TV, wondering local Republicans never showed a picture of my former co-anchor Charlie and me together in one of Judge Winkler’s attack ads.
LINDA LIBEL, GOSSIP COLUMNIST: If Phil Bur-ass and Citizens for Community Values would only forget about their obsession against “Sodomy Rites” on their Gay-Bashing Voters Guide, The Blower would find more space to publish more of my scandalous stories about which candidates are cheating on their spouses.
JACK MEHOFF, USED SOLAR PANEL SALESMAN: Even if Ohio is still appealing Liberal Whacko Judge Tim Black’s ruling in favor of COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case to allow those same politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns, those same politicians will be telling the same lies 24/7 every day between now and the 2016 Elections, especially if Clermont County Republican Party Chairman “Buffalo Dave” Uible finds a candidate to run against “Bronze Star Brad” WenSchmidt in next year’s May primary Election.
SUZIE SOCCERMOM, TEA PARTY PRINCESS: I like following the big issues. That’s why I always listen to Rush and Hannity on the radio, and I especially liked watching Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski pushing back on comments made his week by radio host Glenn Beck who strongly suggested the TEA Party needed to change its name to the “We Love Glen Beck Society.”
REVERUM CALHOUN, MINISTER: Yesterday I told my congregation if Racist Republicans in Congress don’t forget about “Impeaching Obama,” we could be holding Ferguson-style Race Riots right here in Cincinnati to demand freedom for all of those “Hands Up Don’t Shoot” Protesters involved in the Racial Rally that shut down I-75 on November 25, along with an acquittal on the appeal for Convicted Black Juvenile Judge Traci Hunter, just because those two Black Cleaning Women on Traci’s Jury changed their minds after they voted to convict her.
LEROY WILLIAMS, OBAMACARE NAVIGATOR: If only Demented DemocRAT Hamilton County Commissioner Odd Todd Opportune had stayed in the race for governor last year, and Eric Kearney hadn’t dropped out of his race for Lt. Governor just because folks wouldn’t cut him some slack for being a little late on a few tax payments, they could now join David A. Pepper’s efforts as the head of the Ohio DemocRAT Party to make sure we have local losers in future statewide elections. 
AWAN AFUQYA, MUSLIM SYMPATHIZER: Republicans running for president in 2016 should not continue to divide the country with their demands for Fiscal Responsibility, so the Liberal News Media will have time to cover Obama’s support for Terrorist Organizations around the world, and ordinary Americans could stop worrying about threats from Murdering Muslims who have sworn Jihad to behead every infidel in America. 
EMILY FRUMP, RETIRED CITY EMPLOYEE: Ever since I retired last year two years ago, I’ve been stopping in several times a day at the Carolyn Washburn Drop-Inn Center for Extremely Unattractive Nymphomaniacs, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens. I hope the United Appall meets its fund-raising goal next week so I can continue to meet lonely men and satisfy their insatiable sexual cravings. I just want to be loved, is there anything wrong with that?”
BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES:
How’s this for my poem today?
Obama and the DemocRATS,
Have shredded the Constitution.
So now our form of government,
Is political prostitution.
SEEDY DIEHL, NORTHERN KENTUCKY HOMELESS GUY: Now that Bluegrass TEA Party Congressman Thomas Massie told the truth and admitted Congress won’t be paying for any new bridges between Ohio and Kentucky anytime soon, because there’s no magic pot of money in Washington, my friends and I no longer have to worry about construction workers forcing us to relocate from our prime riverfront campsites.
CH SNITCH, 1000 MAIN STREET: All local Party Hacks are hoping for a really big Hamilton County RINO Party Lincoln-Reagan fundraiser this year, whenever in hell they decide to hold it, since Lincoln’s Birthday is on Thursday and Reagan’s Birthday has already passed. Also, Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP told the so-called Anderson Republican Club last week that he will again ignore the Reagan Family’s request not to sully the Gipper’s name by taking it off the RINO Party event this year. 
SID SCHLOCK, SLUMLORD: I’m concerned that Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP permitted Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor to run unopposed one more time, especially since he still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its so-called Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes we just had to pay on Ground Hog’s Day. I think the old Dustbuster should just call it quits and stick to something he knows how to do, like playing old Beatles songs on the radio. 
KEN CAMBOO, NORTHERN KENTUCKY JOURNALIST: Bluegrass Republicans will have the most interesting race during the next 99 days until the May 19 Primary in Kentucky, because a lot of Conservatives would like to see Matt Bevin do better against Kentucky’s Agriculture Commissioner James Comer in the Gubernatorial race than he did when he got his clock cleaned by Bitch McConnell in the U.S. Senate Primary last year.
TEA PARTY TIM: I’m not surprised NBC’s LYIN’ BRIAN WILLIAMS was selected as The Blower’s Liberal Liar of the Week, after Saturday, when he announced he was stepping down from his Nightly News broadcast for “several days” after apologizing Thursday for falsely saying that he was in a helicopter hit by a rocket-propelled grenade while in Iraq in 2003. Now when will that chronic, serial liar who occupies our Oval Office man up and leave?
EARL PITTS, BLUEGRASS TAXIDERMIST: I wish people in Ohio would quit whining about not having a say about how we run our Kentucky airport. When the airport was built, people on the North Shore didn’t pay for it. Cincinnati in particular, had a chance to build an airport in Blue Ash, but they screwed that up. So now they want to tell us how to run mismanage our Greater Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky/ Were We Ever Stupid to Trust Delta Airport. BTW, The Brent Spence Bridge is also ours and so is the Ohio River. Get over it, Buckeyes —CVG is ours!
ED NORTON, CURRENTLY FURLOUGHED NORTHERN KENTUCKY SEWER WORKER: I can hardly wait to be invited to meet Disgraced Former Pants Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton when Nathan “Cornbread” Smith and Northern Kentucky DemocRAT Dominatrix Kathy Groob invite some of their friends to their homes in Fort Mitchell to support Hillary’s 2016 campaign for president in Kentucky.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Dishonest Politicians!
REAL AMERICANS HOT LINE
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