Sunday, February 8, 2015
The Whistleblower Week in Review
MONDAY (February 2), in our Annual “Groundhog Day” E-dition, The Blower predicted 717 more days of some really bad government!- TUESDAY (February 3), our Special “Super Bowl Post Game” E-dition was destroyed in this week’s hack attack.
- WEDNESDAY (February 4), our Special “Cheating in America” E-dition was also blown up.
- THURSDAY (February 5), our Special “Reagan’s Birthday Eve” E-dition also suffered collateral damage.
Our Staff is working feverishly to recover these lost editions.
- BUT FRIDAY (February 6) we were back in business, and in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower explained, “It Was Still the Same Old BS!”
- AND SATURDAY (February 7) our Special “Belated Lame Duck Day” E-dition wasn’t all it was quacked up to be.
This Week’s Top Stories
OUR NUMBER ONE LYING LIBERALS STORY THIS WEEK was when The Blower discovered the possibility that Obama Supporters in the Press who’ve been covering up for all of Obama’s lies since Day One, might also be telling their own lies after NBC’s Lyin’ Brian Williams was forced to recant that Iraq War Lie he’s been repeating for the past 12 Years.- OUR NUMBER TWO LYING LIBERALS STORY THIS WEEK was when Williams’ excuse was that “Hillary had also lied about being shot at in Bosnia, so what difference does it make anyway?” Williams’ predecessor at NBC News Icon Tom Brokaw wanted Williams fired, but Dan Rather, the CBS anchor who was forced to resign after he reported on a fake document, backed Brian Williams as a “decent, honest man,”
- AND OUR NUMBER THREE LYING LIBERALS STORY THIS WEEK was when Obama said he was now thinking about asking Brian Williams to be his Secretary of State, especially after that new survey of scholars ranked Obama’s current Secretary of State John Kerry dead last in terms of effectiveness in that job over the past 50 years.
THIS WEEK’S BEST “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO
NBC’s LYIN’ BRIAN WILLIAMS, who got savaged in the papers for a third morning in a row. This N.Y. Post cover showed a fake pic of BriWi grinning and giving a thumbs-up as he joyrides in a military chopper with peacock logo, “Now he’s REALLY … UNDER FIRE!
Later on Saturday, Brian Williams announced he was stepping down from broadcast for “several days” after apologizing Thursday for falsely saying that he was in a helicopter hit by a rocket-propelled grenade while in Iraq in 2003.
Edward Cropper’s World
Today PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFER EDWARD CROPPER show us a recently discovered photograph from the NBC Archives. You can see more of Mr. Cropper’s fine work HERE.
This Week’s Top Item On The Conservative Agenda
Corpsefuckery in Cincinnati
Just when you thought The Morning Fishwrap couldn’t find something else on the Liberal Agenda to promote, Feckless Fishwrapper Dan Horn writes this big story about about U.S. District Judge Mike Barrett having to decide if Local Corpsefucker Kenneth Douglas can testify about the more than a hundred cadavers he had sex with during his 16 years as a night attendant at the Hamilton County Morgue. [READ MORE HERE]
Supporting our local Corpsefuckers has now been officially added to The Fishwrap’s Liberal Agenda, along with PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.
But why should any of this surprise you? After all, don’t our Feckless Fishwrappers always say: It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Corpsefucking Diversity.”
Other current items on The Conservative Agenda will just have to wait, including: Obama’s Leadership, The Clinton Legacy, Other Dishonest Democrats, Obama’s Secret Service, Biden’s Blunders, Obama Supporters In The Press, DemocRATS In Disarray, Polling For Trolls, Veterans, Racial Healing, Amnesty For Future DemocRATS, Baby Killing, and Making Sure Not To Hurt The Feelings Of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards.
Racial Healing Update
Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston called to complain February is nearly one-third over and The Blower hasn’t even begun to publish and of his 687 profiles in our continuing racial-healing series about local Caucasian residents who just happen to be named “Black.” Sorry about that, Natester—here’s the first one:
Samuel P. Black grew up in Norwood. As an ordinary young white man, he dropped out of junior high at the age of 14 to go to work during the depression. He served without distinction as a PFC in WWII, came back home, married the girl next door, and rented a house in an all-white neighborhood in Bellevue, Kentucky.
Black raised three children, none of whom was ever arrested. He worked at night and on weekends at a pony keg to make ends meet.
After he retired, he became a crossing guard at the local elementary school. Sometimes he just sat on the porch and waved at cars.
“Sam was a good man,” said a neighbor who vaguely remembered him. “He always kept his yard real nice.”
Tomorrow’s Black History Month Racial Healing Profile: “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s eviler twin sister Jennifer Black.
More Political Correctness Running Amok
Now here’s what it’ll soon look like when you call 911 in Cincinnati. Police Chief Jeffrey Blackwell wants to be sure what, if any, measures should be taken to ensure that confrontations with law enforcement are handled in a manner acceptable to everyone.
The Feck Stops Here
Something will be added to those e-mail messages our Persons of Consequence receive from now on informing them a new E-dition has been posted on The Blower’s Website. It seems after twenty years of doing it the way we’ve been doing it, Time Warner’s Security Risk Operation suddenly thinks our Persons of Consequence aren’t smart enough to figure out how to unsubscribe from The Blower on their own simply by hitting a reply to the e-mail and asking to be taken off the e-mail list. So now we have to screw up the appearance of your e-mail with a crappy “disclaimer” at the bottom of the page, or somebody will surely shut us down for spam. Oh, the Bureaucracy!
In Northern Kentucky
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo reports at first that billboard near The Brent Spence Bridge said
But people complained and the sign was changed to say
At least it wasn’t another one of Jimmy Flynt’s “End Boring Sex” Billboards Citizens For Community Values Spokesman Charlie Hassle keeps complaining about!
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1587, Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded, but many Whistleblower subscribers remember that time when we showed the picture of “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman cutting “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s head off that cake. “TaxKiller” says “When I beat $tate Rep-tile-for-Sale Peter $tautberg in the GOP Primary last year, TEA Party Patriots gave me a cake so I could cut his balls off.”- THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose the English Standard Version from Deuteronomy 23:1: “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the LORD.”
- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says things are heating up for America on several fronts overseas, and voters don’t like what they see. In its latest atrocity, the radical Islamic group ISIS burned a captured Jordanian pilot to death earlier this week. U.S. voters say President Obama has not been vocal enough in criticizing the heinous acts of this group and believe overwhelmingly that those involved should be tried for war crimes. The president is expected to ask Congress any day now to authorize the use of more military force against ISIS up to and including ground forces. We’ll let you know early next week how voters feel about boots on the ground again in Iraq. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “Williams of NBC News has admitted he embellished a story about being in a helicopter that was shot at in Iraq. Williams says the helicopter part was true but it was a coin-operated helicopter outside of a Chuck E. Cheese. It was in a bad part of Connecticut.” - RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Black History Month has become a joke because most people have forgotten why we celebrate Black History Month in the first place.
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” No. 137 says, “Tell a joke”: Q: How do you starve an Obama supporter? A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.” 
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE” “President Jimmy Carter called the IM Team to help free those 50 members of the Carter-Mondale Re-election Committee held captive by terrorists for four months in Iran. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on March 8, 1980.
THIS WEEK’S SEEDIEST KID OF ALL didn’t show up for his interview, which is probably a good thing since that e-dition was wiped out in this week’s hacking attack that took our our Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday E-ditions.
MORE POLITICAL POETRY FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN): With all those presidential birthdays coming up this month, it’s no coincidence this poem appears in his “Sentimental Poems of Presidential Birthdays,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy
They called him “Honest Abe”
He meant just what he said.
But Washington couldn’t handle that
So they shot him in the head.
THE MUCK STOPS HERE: Over at Citizens for Community Values, Phil Burr-ass wonders now that the gay activist wackos on the left representing less than 1.6% of the population have included Cincinnati with Dallas and Atlanta for extreme Sodomy Rites Advocacy, how long will it be before City departments other than the police will have their own LGBTQ liaison? After all, even City Clown-cil has one!
And when Ohio U.S. Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman delivered the national Republican Party’s weekly address on Saturday to criticize Obama’s proposed 2016 budget, did he forget to mention his position on same sex marriage?
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WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says stocks fell on Friday as a better-than-expected U.S. jobs report raised expectations that the Federal Reserve will increase interest rates by midyear, while renewed worries over Greece’s debt negotiations added to the bearish tone. Right now, we’re hearing much celebrating from the media, the White House, and Wall Street about how unemployment is “down” to 5.6%. The cheerleading for this number is deafening. The media loves a comeback story, the White House wants to score political points and Wall Street would like you to stay in the market.
But the so-called “official unemployment rate,” as reported by the U.S. Department of Labor, is bogus. That’s because all those people who’ve given up on finding a job aren’t counted as “unemployed.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others. For his last two years in office, Obama plans to be Santa Claus, giving everyone everything they want — for free.
His plan called for raising taxes on high-income earners, capital gains on home values, retirement accounts and death taxes to “pay” for more free stuff for no-income Americans.
The Free Grain Party position? Perhaps we should improve the “free” education we already offer before increasing over-taxed payers’ investment.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice.
FINALLY AT EVERY MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA THIS WEEK, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if Obama Supporters in the Press how long Obama Supporters in the Press would be able to continue using the “Brian Williams Controversy” to hype all of Obama’s Other Scandals off the front pages. “As long as they can,” Kane explained, “and don’t all those Liberals in the Media look compassionate during their feeding frenzy as they devour one of their own?”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday (February 9), The Blower we’ll be checking in with our Whistleblower Focus Group to see what ordinary Americans think about Lyin’ Liberal Newscasters, and we’ll be predicting 711 more days of bad government remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.- Tuesday (February 10), we’ll be watching NBC TV News to see if Lyin’ Brian Williams has been replaced, and our Real Subscribers will tell us about some other Liberal Liars in their Real E-Mails.
- Wednesday (February 11), we’ll be catching up on #IF BLACK LIVES REALLY MATTERED HISTORY MONTH, and checking all those white people’s “Guilt Indexes.”
- Thursday (February 12) we’ll be celebrating the real Lincoln’s Birthday, not that phony baloney Presidents Day holiday they made up to give our slacker society another three-day weekend.
- The first line of Friday’s (February 13) limerick is: limerick is: “If you forget St. Valentine’s Day.”
- And Saturday (February 14) will be Valentine’s Day, so if our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane is planning to take Mrs. Kane out to dinner for Valentine’s Day to celebrate their 45th Wedding Anniversary, he should’ve done it on Thursday, since restaurants won’t be as nearly so crowded, and they won’t have jacked up their prices yet.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes in Anderson, because word around the local real estate offices is that there are a lot of new inquiries for homes in West Clermont school district. There used to be none. Those projections for decreasing Forrest Gump school enrollment are going to be way wrong. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us another successful audit.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
BLACK HISTORY MONTH: Whites Only Laundry
(Sent in by The Windbag)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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