Friday, February 6, 2015

Corpsefuckery in Cincinnati

Just when you thought The Morning Fishwrap couldn’t find something else on the Liberal Agenda to promote, Feckless Fishwrapper Dan Horn writes this big story about about U.S. District Judge Mike Barrett having to decide if Local Corpsefucker Kenneth Douglas can testify about the more than a hundred cadavers he had sex with during his 16 years as a night attendant at the Hamilton County Morgue. [READ MORE HERE]

Supporting our local Corpsefuckers has now been officially added to the Fishwrap’s Liberal Agenda, along with PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.

But why should any of this surprise you? After all, don’t our Feckless Fishwrappers always say: It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Corpsefucking Diversity.”

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

It’s none other than noted Cadaver-Sex expert Necrophilius Tadwell, who explains that a “necrophile” is a person who prefers the company of the dead to the whiny, bitchy, nasty living. A “necrophile” does not have sex with the dead (that is a necrophiliac) and may commonly be found in cemeteries and morgues. When asked about his wife who recently passed away, Necrophilius said, “The sex is about the same, but the dishes are starting to pile up in the sink.” And did you hear the one about two Muslims and an eight-year-old Virgin who were stranded on a desert island? After six weeks of doing what she was being forced to do, she killed herself. Then after six weeks of doing what they were doing, the Muslims finally buried her.

That’s why The Blower, which never met a Hype it didn’t like, is pleased Necrophilius to be our Conservative Agenda Guest Editor and choose three vile-and-disgusting items plus a Quickie for today’s E-dition selected from those submitted by our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Plagiarizing Contributors.

• The Department Of Homeland Security release its results of last month’s Airport T.S.A. Full Body Scans:  Terrorists Discovered=0
  Transvestites=133
  Hernias=1,485
  Hemorrhoid Cases =3,172
  Enlarged Prostates=8,249
  Breast Implants=59,350
  Natural Blondes=3
  NOTE: It was also discovered that 535 members of Congress had no balls.

Meanwhile, the Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It’s an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.
You’re in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement:
“Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on Flight 670 to London. Shalom!”
Maintenance, clean up at Gate 2, please.
BRILLIANT!!!!

• SENIOR TAX RETURN

I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the IRS. It really puzzles me, because they are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”

I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.” 1 useless President. Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO The Hell DID I MISS?

• Another Sick Necrophile Joke

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.
“How about having sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.
“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.
“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.
“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.
“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.
Silence fell… then everyone turned to the masochist and asked:
“So, what’s it gonna be?”
To which he replied, “Meow!”

• AND A QUICKIE from Fox News

As we get closer to the 2016 election, remember that we can’t trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs………

The last time she had a job to do, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky……

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

MORE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA POLITICAL CARTOONS

Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.

TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIAR” AWARD GOES TO

Obama-Supporting NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams, who admitted Wednesday to Stars and Stripes that the story he has been peddling about surviving a March 24, 2003 helicopter hit in Iraq that grounded the helicopters was a lie. Not only has NBC told the story over the years, Williams had the gall to repeat the story last Friday in NBC’s coverage of a New York Rangers hockey game, a game that featured a tribute to a soldier that had provided ground security for the very helicopters Williams had claimed he was with.

Williams’ excuse: “Hillary Lied About Being Shot At In Bosnia, Too!” Meanwhile, Dan Rather, the CBS anchor who was forced to resign after he reported on a fake document, backs Brian Williams as a “decent, honest man.” Obvious, Brian Williams is now qualified to be Obama’s Secretary of State.

Today’s #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month Moment

Loony Liberals See Racism behind Seahawks’ Last Play Call, claiming Coach Pete Carroll wanted Russell Wilson to get the glory because he’s a cleaner cut Black Guy than Marshawn Lynch.

More Stories We’re Working On

• NEWS MEDIA Ignores Reagan’s Birthday
• OBAMA’S Secret Strategy
• WHITE HOUSE Still Won’t Reveal Muslim Leaders Who Met With President
• OHIO MAN’S Pet Pig Ate His Marijuana Stash!
• PETA Protests In The Nude At Fountain Square
• CORPSEFUCKERY in Northern Kentucky
• CELEBRATING Lame Duck Day on Saturday

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Local Corpsefucker Kenneth Douglas had sex with all those dead women at the Hamilton County Morgue:
(A) They didn’t yell: 2%
(B) They didn’t swell: 1%
(C) They didn’t tell: 3%
(D) And he didn’t have to pay for a motel: 94%

NOTE: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

Jacking Up Your Taxes

This week, everybody who can’t understand how his real estate values can be plummeting during the Obama Recession at the same time his property taxes are being jacked up, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is noted anti-taxer Norquist Tadwell, who says, “I wouldn’t mind paying these jacked-up taxes, if only they were educating the kids with the money.”

Norquist wins an autographed photo of the Hamilton County Auditor with Egg All Over His Face, an Official Whistleblower Jacked-up Property Values Complaint Form, free tickets to a seminar to learn how to successfully challenge the Auditor’s phony baloney value for his property, a “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman “No More Drive-By Appraisals” sign for his yard, and tips from Bill “The Ethnic Cleanser” Seitz on how he got his old pal the Disingenuous Double-Dipping DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor (who was permitted to run unopposed by the RINOs at 700 Walnut Street) to give him an historic tax reduction. His winning entry is:

When the Auditor jacks up your taxes
With drive-by appraisals and other false facts-es,
It’s no wonder that residents flee!
Is there no one to save the bourgeoisie
From these insatiable bureaucratic acts-es?

When your county auditor jacks up your taxes,
Make sure no one in his office relaxes.
File your complaint,
And show no restraint,
When you send them lots of rude faxes.

When your county auditor jacks up your taxes,
You’ll no longer be shopping at Sax’s
What’s really not funny
Is what they’ll do with your money
They should remember what they did with their axes.

And from the Anderson Laureate we have another anti-tax message:
When the auditor jacks up your taxes
Don’t bother trying to find out what the facts is;
No good it will do ya,
He just loves to screw ya,
He’ll getcha where your fronts or your backs is!

The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“If you forget St. Valentine’s Day”

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Corpsefuckers.

NECROPHILIA ANONYMOUS HOT LINE

e-mail how to avoid being molested by a necrophiliac today.

Some cadaverous items in today’s Blower
were sent in by our equally cadaverous subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day
The Damn Show – Necrophilia

Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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