Sunday, March 1, 2015
The Whistleblower Week in Review
MONDAY (February 23), in our Official “Caucasian Academy Awards” E-dition, The Blower said, “Any other Official “Caucasian Academy Awards” E-dition would surely be a fake.”
TUESDAY (February 24), in our Special “Egregious Embellishments” Edition, The Blower said, “Did we Miss it again this year?”
WEDNESDAY (February 25), in our Special “Ash Wednesday” Edition The Blower asked, “It’s Just Another Reason The Queen City Can Be Proud!”
THURSDAY (February 26), in our Special “Same Time Last Year” E-dition, The Blower said, “Those Were the Good Old Days!”
FRIDAY (February 27) in our “Just Another Guest Column E-dition, The Blower said, “The Liberal Agenda Continues!”
AND SATURDAY (February 28) in our Special “Tomorrow Begins a Brand New Month” E-dition, The Blower asked, “But our Long National Nightmare is far from over!”
This Week’s Top Stories
OUR NUMBER ONE CONGRESSIONAL KABUKI THEATER STORY THIS WEEK was when Squeaker John Boehner’s House Republican leaders tried to pass a stopgap funding bill to prevent being blamed for an imminent partial shutdown of the Homeland Security Department, as RINOs in the Senate struggled to reach a long-term cave-in deal after passing a so-called “clean” bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) 68-31 on Friday, less than a day before the department was poised to run out of money.
OUR NUMBER TWO CONGRESSIONAL KABUKI THEATER STORY THIS WEEK was on Friday afternoon when there was chaos in Congress as House Republican leaders failed to squeeze out a short-term victory, after the chamber rejected a three-week funding measure that would prevent the Homeland Security Department from shutting down at midnight. All of which really didn’t really matter, because Disingenuous DemocRAT Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid had vowed to block a conference committee over DHS funding, fearing that it could lead to immigration riders being attached again.
AND OUR NUMBER THREE CONGRESSIONAL KABUKI THEATER STORY THIS WEEK was when Senators voted Friday night to pass a short-term spending bill, less than four hours before the department ran of money, so of course we’ll be back here again next week.
Edward Cropper’s World
Today PHOTO-SHOP EDITORIAL SPOOFER EDWARD CROPPER shows us a picture of what’s going on in Washington D.C. these days. You can see more of Mr. Cropper’s fine work HERE.
This Week’s Top Item On The Conservative Agenda
Ohio TEA Party Guy Tom Zawistowski says the consequences for the Republican betrayal in the Senate will far exceed the consequences of any DHS “Shutdown.” The Portage County TEA Party Executive Director, explained, “Senator McConnell and his ilk in the Senate need to clearly understand that the betrayal of all of their campaign promises, the betrayal of the very Oath of Office he himself swore just weeks ago to defend the Constitution, and the betrayal of the base of the Republican Party by allowing 5.5 million illegal non-citizens to acquire social security numbers and drivers licenses so that they can vote Democrat in coming elections, will result in the loss of the Senate and the White House in 2016. Their refusal to fight and win on DHS only provides further proof that they lied to the voters in 2014. Millions of Republicans and conservatives will no longer be played for fools by voting for liars and hypocrites. Romney did not win Ohio because hundreds of thousands of Ohio conservatives stayed home in 2012. Senator Rob Portman and the Republican presidential nominee can expect an even larger shunning by conservative Ohio voters in 2016. The unprincipled and cowardly actions of liberal RINO’s like John McCain are an insult to any voter that calls themselves a Republican.”
Elsewhere in Ohio, Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor says “No lower taxes without tax hikes.”
Meanwhile in Northern Kentucky, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo wonders what Matt Bevan must be thinking these days. Didn’t he sort of predict all this when he was running against McConnell in last year’s Republican Primary? No wonder Real Republicans in NoKY are saying they might as well have voted for Alison Wondergams Grimes in Novembers. The results these days would be about the same.
Other current items on The Conservative Agenda will just have to wait, including: Obama’s Leadership, The Clinton Legacy, Other Dishonest Democrats, Obama’s Secret Service, Biden’s Blunders, Obama Supporters In The Press, DemocRATS In Disarray, Polling For Trolls, Veterans, Racial Healing, Amnesty For Future DemocRATS, Baby Killing, and Making Sure Not To Hurt The Feelings Of All Those Murdering Muslim Bastards:
This Week’s Liberal Liar Award
Dishonest DemocRAT Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid claims he wants to practice Bipartisanship and come together for the “Good Of The Country.” No Kidding!
This Week’s Racial Healing Update
Wrong State University President David Hopkins may not have been not telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth with his so-called “apology” for that offensive Black History Month Menu that forgot to include chitlins on the sign that included chicken, mashed potatoes, collard greens and cornbread under a picture of Martin Luther King Jr. and other famous black figures. The Blower says somebody ought to check out those discriminators at Chartwells Higher Education Dining Services providing food service at that school. Plus, Deadbeat Black Affirmative Action Mahogany’s Owner Liz Rogers (who still owes over-taxed payers $283,869) says Fried Chicken and Collard Greens are NOT Official #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month food.
Whistleblower War on Political Correctness
Being Politically Correct means always having to say you’re sorry, according to all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press, who would rather ride to downtown Cincinnati on a bus and stand in line for three hours to vote, than mail in absentee ballots.
Today’s Politically Incorrect Joke (Possibly a New Feature): Bruce Jenner had never had an automobile accident until he became a woman driver. Submitted by Doc Terrell, who dared us to use it.
The Feck Stops Here
Just when you thought The Morning Fishwrap couldn’t find something else on the Liberal Agenda to promote, Feckless Fishwrapper Richardson writes this big story promoting A&E’s “Neighbors with Benefits” reality TV show premiering on March 22 starring Suburban Sluts in Warren County’s Hamilton Township who “swap partners and engage in extramarital relationships as they go about their regular lives as parents, professionals, soccer moms and little league coaches.” Rachel also says the show gives new meaning to the phrase “bedroom community.” Meanwhile, over at Citizens for Community Values, Phil Burr-ass is busy making a map showing where all the sluts live.
Last week, our Feckless Fishwrappers featured a depraved Doctor who used his penis to show women patients the location of their G-Spots, and the week before we read all about Corpsefuckery at the Hamilton County Morgue.
Whistleblower Gossip Columnist Linda Libel says if our Feckless Fishwrappers ever get around to talking about some of the sluts in our local news rooms, including their own, The Blower’s been doing that for years.
Supporting our local Swingers, Perverted Physicians, and Corpsefuckers have now been officially added to The Fishwrap’s Liberal Agenda, along with PC (If It’s Politically Correct, You Can’t Object), Tree Hugging, Keeping People From Smoking, Diversity Uber Alles, Unions Blues, Fanatical Feminists, Supporting Sodomy Rites, Global Warming: G-Uncontrol, Liberal Brainwashing In Schools, Voting Rights For People Who Are Too Stupid To Vote, Streetcars, Scalping the Washington Redskins, and Giving Away Free Stuff With Your Money.
But why should any of this surprise you? After all, don’t our Feckless Fishwrappers always say: It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Disgraceful Diversity.”
In Northern Kentucky
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Senator Rand Paul promised a crowd at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Friday that he will soon “propose the largest tax cut in American history.” “I propose we cut everyone’s taxes, from the richest to the poorest,” Paul said. The Blower predicts in spite of winning his third consecutive straw poll victory at the CPAC Conference on Saturday, The Randmesiter has about as good a chance of getting his tax cut passed as he does getting himself elected president of these United States.
More Politics Unusual
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1932 the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped, and Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe Deters says just think how many TV press conferences I could’ve called on that case.
THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose Jarod Kintz’s “The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg my friends to treat me that well.”
THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Americans don’t feel safe at home and are increasingly estranged from their government and their leaders. Even as a radical Islamic group announces its intention to attack American shopping malls, belief among voters that the United States and its allies are wining the War on Terror has fallen to its lowest level in nearly 11 years of regular tracking. [READ MORE HERE]
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Jimmy Fallon’s “Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald got in some hot water this week for saying that he served in the military’s Special Forces when he never did. It gets even worse when you find out the place he actually served was Old Navy.”
MORE RACIAL HEALING: Now that #If Black Lives Really Mattered History Month is finally over, many people are wondering when it’ll be “White History Month.” Probably never, since we now have to pander to all those other minority groups. For example, March is now officially One-Eyed Hunchback Lithuanian Lesbians History Month, and WLW Hate Radio trash talker Bill Cunningham says, “Now that February is over, maybe we can use the word ‘niggardly’ again without being called racists.”
LIBERAL LUNACY: In Human Events’ “365 Ways to Drive a Liberal Crazy,” #258 says “Tell a Joke”:
What’s the difference between ObamaCare and a car battery? A. The car battery has a positive side.
GOING GALT means taking the John Galt Pledge. Let’s all say it together: “I swear by my life, and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”
THIS WEEK’S SEEDIEST KID OF ALL WAS “BUCKWHEAT BLACKWELL,” a very tall 15-
year-old inner-city yoof who felt like a nerd because he couldn’t dribble a basketball, and thought he’d become sixth grade class president instead. [READ MORE HERE]
IN THIS WEEK’S COLUMN FROM PATRONAGE COUNTY TITLED “Gripe,” We learned that griping is a fundamental freedom guaranteed in the Bill of Rights. Throughout our nation’s history, griping has been as fundamental as baseball, apple pie, hot dogs, and Toyotas. That op-ed column first appeared in the legendary Mt. Washington Press on February 25, 1981.
NOW HERE’S THE LATEST FROM BUNKY TADWELL (THE ODIOUS OCTEGENARIAN): This poem is a little late for Mardi Gras, because we just came across his “Lust in My Heart,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Want Some Candy, Little Girl?
Fashion says it’s OK
To put young girls’ charms on display
But if you should just touch
I’ll tell you this much
The cops will put you away.
THE MUCK STOPS HERE: As How old does a person have to be to get one of those Secret Senior Citizen Discounts from Rumpke? Call the Geezer Garbage Department at (513) 742-2900.
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR BUSINESS EDITOR MERRILL FORBES says Forex.com reports the Dow Jones 30 went back and forth during the course of the week, showing neutrality. However, the market is most certainly in an uptrend, so if we get some type of pullback we look for supportive candles in order to go long. We believe that this market is well supported, and as a result we have no interest whatsoever in selling and we believe that ultimately this market will head as high as 20,000 given enough time. Pullbacks continue to offer value in our opinion as stock markets continue to go higher.
THE FREE GRAIN PARTY still stands as the last refuge of anyone willing to help himself from the stores of others. This week Free-Grainers are wondering about that new T-shirt out there making the rounds. It says: “I am one of the people who pay for all the free stuff Obama gives you.” The only problem is, you have to pay for it. The FGP is also glad to tell you about those Secret Senior Citizen Discounts at Rumpke. Call the Geezer Garbage Department at (513) 742-2900.
Free Grain Party Members include all DemocRATS, RINO Republicans, some TEA Partiers, quite a few Independents, disgruntled postal workers, senior citizens demanding free prescriptions, those who believe bigger government is the answer to all their problems, everybody who said “what Bill Clinton did was indefensible, but he shouldn’t be removed from office,” and those who think pork-barrel spending is OK as long as their district gets the money.
Unfortunately, that group probably doesn’t include all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, and get all of their information from our Obama Supporters in the Press.
FINALLY AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF CONSERVATIVE AGENDA THIS WEEK, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane what to make of the lack of leadership from Republicans in Congress these days. “2016 will be The Great Undo Election,” Kane explained. “Because when America elects a new President and Congressional Leaders in only 618 more days, voters hopefully won’t be looking for the same kind of lying elected officials steeped in scandal and hypocrisy, because after eight disastrous years of failed promises and deceptions from Obama and Congress, even a few of those ignorant and apathetic morons who actually vote should be might be looking for some Real Change at the White House and in Congress.”
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 742 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL
Although our campaign is not associated with the Failed United Way, your liberal guilt giving throughout the year still makes it all possible.
SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE
e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.
AND COMING UP IN “THE WEEK THAT WILL BE”:
Monday (March 2) we’ll be featuring our National Sarcasm Month E-dition, along with celebrating 690 more days of bad government remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Tuesday (March 3) we’ll be watching Israeli PM Bibi Netanyahu conspire with Republicans to condemn Obama’s policy on Iranian nuclear talks, and our Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers might have something to say about that.
Wednesday (March 4), The Blower will be checking to see if Obama’s declared War on Israel.
Thursday (March 5) The Blower will be watching to see if John Boehner and Bitch McConnell have yet totally caved in to Obama and the Dishonest DemocRATS before this weekend’s Amnesty Deadline Extension.
The first line of Friday’s (March 6) limerick is: “Here’s why Real Republicans like TEA.”
And Saturday (March 7) we’ll be we’ll be celebrating we’ll be celebrating the arrival of Daylight Savings Time.
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Wussie RINOs!
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially Hamilton County’s Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor, who still hasn’t explained exactly how his office came up with its Fair Property Values for your Jacked-Up Property Taxes that were due on Ground Hog’s Day. Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows how.
WEEK IN REVIEW HOT LINE
e-mail your revolutionary recaps today
Some political score-keeping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally political score-keeping subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Former Texas Governor Rick Perry at CPAC 2015:
We Survived Two World Wars, We Will Survive The Obama Years Too
Published on Feb 27, 2015: cpac 2015 Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry gave a rather energetic set of remarks Friday morning at the 2015 Conservative Political Action Conference, garnering quite a bit of applause for several of his big one-liners.
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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