Saturday, January 31, 2015
Decadence and Moral Decay
Olden rituals have lost their meaning. They just aren’t the same anymore, since they’re rooted hundreds, sometimes thousands of years in antiquity and they’re not really relevant to what’s happening today.
Reporting on Mideast violence from Israel this weekend, Jerusalem Bureau Chief Yitzhak Tadwell said recently on a hill near Bethlehem, a shepherd watching his flocks by night tripped over a stone tablet. Biblical scholars labored long and hard to decipher the ancient Aramaic writing. But now they don’t want to tell us what it says.
Seems the tablet describes a barbaric pagan celebration. They fear we might actually practice it, and that would turn us into vulgar vandals, even as our culture continues to devolve during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, where the government would gladly go further into debt, just to placate the people.
At that time in history it became the most popular of celebrations, and more people observed it than any of the other truly holy days.
On this Unsanctified Sabbath there were no sacraments. No ceremonies. No words of worship. No prayers of any kind. No candles to be lit.
On this Day of Decadence, the mind was to ignore all care and woe. Sin was to be savored. Only the most primitive pleasures were to be enjoyed.
As translated from the Sacred Scrolls of Coz-zel, the celebration was a most hedonistic holiday. It was not spiritually uplifting, because it brought forth man’s baser instincts.
In a trial by combat, where only the fiercest fighters could take part, they recalled bloody exploits of legendary heroes like Samson, Spartacus, and gladiators of ancient Rome.
The masses were accustomed to being entertained with bread and circuses, and no cost was too great to attend. These days it would probably be deer antler spray and chicken wings.
And though the contest was most violent, as the tablet states, no man was actually meant to be slain. Yet, any manner of injury could be sustained, including the barbaric rite of spiking the deflated skin of a slaughtered swine down the throat of a vanquished opponent.
Yet, as violent as the extravaganza may have appeared, it’s pomp and pageantry did stir the lust within an Emperor’s loins, and he always congratulated the winners.
Winsome maidens, scantily clad, gyrated sensuously to the beat of tribal drums. Trumpets blared. Banners waved.
On this Day of Self-Indulgence, clowns and musicians and fools entertained. Beer flowed like wine. Wine flowed like water. And the revilers were commanded to eat only sweets and treats, and the most delicious of meats. Yet none was of ample sustenance. Today, we’d probably call it “junk food.”
And the people gambled. More shekels were wagered on this one day than on all chariot races and gladiatorial contests during the year combined.
Called “Ka-Ha-Rat Su-Per,” the iniquitous celebration, which was even more fun than watching fierce creatures devouring screaming slaves, falls a little more than one lunar month after Christmas, or about this time of the year as the calendar exists today.
Not since Sodom can any festivity be found so completely void of any redeeming value (other than an Obama Coronation, a Bill Clinton Oval Office Orgy, or a Disgraced DemocRAT U.S. Senator paying for sex with underage Dominican Republic whores).
That was until 6:30 PM EST Sunday night at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, when the Deflate-Gate Scandal Plagued New England Patriots play the Seattle Seahawks in “Ka-Ha-Rat Su-Per” XLIX.
And how will that event be exploited? Those who can’t afford to attend can stay home to watch all those commercials on TV. This year, a 30-second ad on NBC will cost $4.5 million. Last year, they only cost $4 million on Fox. But even if over-priced commercials were selling for $10 million apiece, they’d still be sold out, especially because all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, will be watching.
SUPER BOWL BETTING SCAMS HOT LINE
e-mail your wagering warnings today.
Some sacrilegious items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sacrilegious subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
Ka-Ha-Rat Su-Per Video of the Day
GoDaddy’s Super Bowl XLIX 2015 Commercial Mocks Budweiser’s Lost Puppy Dog Sentimental Ad
GoDaddy Pulls Puppy Super Bowl Ad. GoDaddy was going for warm and fuzzy, with a twist, this Super Bowl Sunday. But then animal rights groups got involved. In GoDaddy’s ad, which debuted Tuesday and has since been removed from the internet, Buddy, the golden retriever pup, got bounced out of his owner’s pickup truck and must make the voyage home. He gets there, only to be told that he has already been sold on the internet, with a site made from – you guessed it – GoDaddy.com.
PLUS
TOP 10 FUNNIEST SUPER BOWL ADS – Best Ten Superbowl XLVIII 2014 Commercials
Doritos Super Bowl XLVII commercial – 2013 Winner
Funniest Ten Super Bowl XLVI 2012 Commercials
The 25 Best Super Bowl Commercials of All Time
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
MORE CUTTING EDGE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA POLITICAL CARTOONS
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was misappropriated from a measly 472 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“Truth—The Best Defense” by James Jay Schifrin
Last week in Los Angeles, Muck Raker, political columnist for the Patronage County Innuendo, testified in comedienne Harriett Hairnett’s $10 million libel suit against the National Enquirer.
Ms. Harinett called Raker as an expert witness, because he regularly commented on people in public life.
The Enquirer also asked Raker to appear. In fact, he was their whole defense.
The court reporter red the disputed Enquirer gossip column: “At a post Washington restaurant, an obnoxious Harriett Hairnett had a drunken shouting match with another diner, Adrian Messenger, Then she traipsed around the place taking a bit out of everyone’s dessert. But Harriett really raised eyebrows when she accidently fell all over another diner—and started giggling instead of apologizing. The guy wasn’t amused and accidentally punched her in the mouth.
“You heard the article, Mr. Raker,” said Ms Harinett’s attorney. “What do you think of it.”
“Catchy style, but $10 million is too much. That’s more than $160,000 a word.”
“Tell me this,” said the attorney. “Would you have written it?”
“I don’t know, sir. I wasn’t there.”
“Object, your honor,” argued the Enquirer attorney. “Mr. Raker often writes about politicians without being there, Then he calls them crooks. If he doesn’t get sued for what he writes, we shouldn’t either.”
“Objection overruled,” said the judge. “The difference is for as politician to sue Mr. Raker, the politician would have to prove he wasn’t telling the truth.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press on March 25, 1981.
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