Friday, January 30, 2015
The Hype Stops Here
At yesterday’s meeting of The Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if Obama Supporters in the Press would be able to continue use “Deflate-Gate” to hype all of Obama’s Other Scandals off the front pages until Sunday’s Super Bowl and beyond.
It does seem as if they’re running out of steam, even after CNN reported the U.S. military and intelligence community now suspect that one of the five Murdering Muslim Monsters released from GITMO in return for U.S. Army Deserter Bowe Bergdahl in May of last year has attempted to return to militant activity from his current location in Qatar. Is that a shocker or what!
And with Obama now being called the “Bill Belichick of Politics,” the Pentagon will still be shielding their Commander-in-Chief by delaying announcing filing desertion charges against Bergdahl for the 719 days remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless he’s impeached.
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s none other than noted huckster P.T. Tadwell, who always says, “Without hype, something terrible happens… nothing!” Other hypsters on the Whistleblower Hype Squad include our Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall, Plummet Mall Developer Jerry Galvin, Hypemeister Bobby Leach, and Bill Meister, whom Mike Allen once called “a very industrious young man,” before the Disgraced Former Hamilton County Prosecutor had ever met Boinking Becky.
That’s why The Blower, which never met a Hype it didn’t like, is pleased to ask P.T. to be our Conservative Agenda Guest Editor and choose three hype-worthy items plus a Quickie to hype for today’s E-dition from those submitted by our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Plagiarizing Contributors.
- “MORE RACIAL HEALING” submitted by one of the High Fiving White Guys
Saint Peter was sitting at the Gates when three guys from Ferguson arrived wearing dark hoodies and sagging pants. St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
St. Peter goes over to God’s chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter: “How many times do I have to tell you? You can’t be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!”
St. Peter goes back to the Pearly Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God’s chambers and says, “Well, they’re gone.”
“The three guys wearing hoodies?” asked God.
“No. The Pearly Gates.”
- “CLASS WARFARE AT ITS BEST” sent in by John Galt
The folks who are getting the free stuff don’t like The folks who are paying for the free stuff, because The folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.
And the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop.
And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more Free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!
Now… The people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the Free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.
So… The people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the Free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place.
We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the Free stuff.
Now understand this. All great democracies have committed financial suicide somewhere between 200 and 250 years after being founded. The reason? The voters figured out they could vote themselves money from the treasury by electing people who promised to give them money from the treasury in exchange for electing them.
The United States officially became a Republic in 1776, 238 years ago. The number of people now getting free stuff outnumber the people paying for the free stuff. Failure to change that spells the end of the United States as we know it.
ELECTION 2016 IS COMING
A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!
I’M 100% for PASSING THIS ON !!!
For all our sake PLEASE Take a Stand!!!
Borders: Closed!
Language: English only
Culture: God, Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!
Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare!
NO freebies to: Non-Citizens!
Only 86% will send this on. Should be 100%..
What will you do?
- “MY BUILDING PERMIT” sent in by an Angry Andersonian
I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 feet tall and 400 feet wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to entertain the whole neighborhood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.
The Anderson Zoning Board told me; “Forget it…IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!”
So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a “Mosque.”
Work starts on Monday.
- AND A QUICKIE from Fox News
Oliver North was asked why he thought Obama, Biden, Kerry or Holder didn’t bother to attend the unity rally in Paris with other world leaders.
He said it was because the rally was for world leaders.
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
MORE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA POLITICAL CARTOONS
Plagiarism Count: Unattributed material was filched from a mere 243 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIARS” AWARD GOES TO
Obama’s Race Baiter #1 Al Sharpton, who according to an explosive new report about “deadbeat politicos” published on Friday, owes the federal government tens of thousands of dollars in fines and $880,000 in debt from his ill-fated 2004 presidential campaign. And that’s on top of the $4.5 million Sharpton owes in back taxes.
More Stories We’re Working On
BIDEN ADMITS: “Past Six Years Have Been Really, Really Hard For This Country”- ROMNEY Not Running For President
- NFL OFFICIALS Will Hold Brady’s Balls Before Super Bowl
- SENATE to Investigate IRS and the White House
- PORTMAN to Promote Gay Marriage at GOP Meeting
- JACKED UP HAMILTON COUNTY TAXES Due Monday
- ANIMAL ABUSE in Northern Kentucky
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s what the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said House Speaker John Boehner will cave in on first:
(A) Raising the Debt Ceiling: 2%
(B) ObamaCare: 1%
(C) Amnesty For Illegal Immigrants: 3%
(D) Whatever Obama Wants: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Weather-guessers on TV
This week, everybody who thinks Groundhog Day proves just how easily fat TV weathermen who grope fellow employees can be replaced by furry rodents, twittered an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is our own Linda Libel, since Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane took our longtime Whistleblower gossip columnist to that Groundhog Day party where she first met her husband (who won the Groundhog Lookalike Contest, and in all those years since, Linda still hasn’t forgiven us.)
Linda wins a “Got Beaver?” T-shirt, a recipe for delicious Groundhog Stew, and an x-rated video depicting the mating habits of over-sexed Groundhogs. Her winning entry is:
At our Groundhog’s Day party this year
We’ll be filled with the usual fear:
Will the blizzards continue,
Or are warm days on the menu?
Aw, who cares! Let’s just stock up on beer!
At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
For Republicans we’ll all shed a tear.
Last year’s election was a bummer
‘Cause voters just got dumber
Maybe someday we’ll have something to cheer.
At our Groundhog’s Day Party this year
Eric “Call Me Crazy” did not appear.
He was up burning the old midnight oil
Hoping another judicial ass-whupping to foil,
Not to mention that large boot up his rear.
And from our Anderson Laureate, who says “That’s good groundhog”:
At our Groundhog Day party this year,
We’re serving plenty of beer
We’ll keep the hog from his bunk
By getting him good and drunk
And Spring will be wonderfully near.
If he sees his shadow, we’ll stay cold
For another six weeks, I’ve been told
So keep the sun hidden,
You must, I’m not kiddin’
I hate winter because I’m so old.
Let’s hope that it stays nice and dim
And the sun stays far away from him
‘Cause then Spring will come
And the cold won’t keep us numb,
Six more weeks of winter is too grim!
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When The Auditor Jacks Up Your Taxes.”
SUPER BOWL HYPE HOT LINE
Some overhyped items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally over-hyping subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Top 10 Super Bowl Commercials 2015 (NFL Super Bowl XLIX)
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
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