Saturday, January 17, 2015
What a Difference a Year Makes
Think of how much things have changed since middle of January in 2014. It was our Special “”Weekly Impeachment Threat”” E-dition, and The Blower asked, “How many does Obama have so far?”
OBAMA’S FIFTH YEAR IN OFFICE WAS ALMOST OVER: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus said we didn’t know about any of those “All Talk” Republicans in Congress, but it was about time for Ordinary Americans to start filing Articles of Impeachment against Obama, especially after he threatened to issue “Executive Orders” and “Rule by Decree” to get whatever he wants during the final 1,100 days in the Divided States of America during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term. - IN A RELATED ITEM, Hurley the Historian said about this time in 1998, internet gossip Matt Drudge posted a story that ultimately led to Bill Clinton’s Impeachment when he opened the most sensational scandal season in the history of the American presidency. Drudge reported that Newsweek magazine had killed a story about our Disgraced Former Pants Dropper in Chief’s sexual relationship with a former intern. The next day Drudge had her name: Monica Lewinsky, and so did The Whistleblower.
So was no big surprise that our Quote for Today Committee chose Slick Willie’s lie that will live in infamy: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
But today, all those Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, are probably wondering when they can begin the free two year community college educations Obama just promised them.
Word is members of the FREE Grain Party intend to propose a Constitutional Amendment giving all those slackers a free car so they can attend class.
LAST YEAR, after reading how Hamilton County Treasurer Rob Goering forgot to put the return address on the tax bills that were due January 31, Trouble-Making Over-Taxed Payer Tino Delgato mailed his to himself. He calls it his own personal “Roll Back.” This year he will not pay property tax because he’s forming his new church: Saint Mattress on the Springs, a home for good-looking wayward women in “need,” with Reverend Tino Delgato at their “service.” Tino says if Tracie Hunter and Reverend Wright can preach “The Word,” so can he. The Words this year are “write off” and “Tax Free.”
WE ALSO HAD MORE EXCLUSIVE TRACI HUNTER NEWS LAST YEAR when Indicted Ditzy DemocRAT Hamilton County Juvie Court Judge Tracie Hunter (shown here in Tuesday’s mugshot taken at the Hamilton County Sheriff Jimmy Neil’s Injustice Center that Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall couldn’t wait to post on line Wednesday) was sued by the condo association for non-payment of condo fees. Hunter claimed she did not pay because her condo was damaged by a broken pipe in another owner’s unit and the other owner or condo association is responsible for the damage since it was a common area pipe leak. Tracie claimed the owner of that condo unit had a leak in his pipe which was the source of the damage. She owed the condo association over $15K (read the complaint) while she also claimed she was barred from meetings. And Whistleblower readers thought Judge Tracie only tormented lawyers, reporters, and poor misunderstood yoofs.
The condo association had no money to get a lawyer to fight her, so they are looking for some kind soul attorney out there who would take on this “judge” on contingency so they could pay the attorney part of the award.
Meanwhile, Tracie’s supporters could hardly wait till Racial Racketeer Al Sharpton came to town to raise money for Tracie Hunter’s Legal Defense and Condo Fee Fund on Martin Luther King Day.
- NO CONFLICT OF INTEREST HERE: The Hamilton County Board of Elections planned to hold a “Special Meeting” on the following Tuesday to discuss the proposed relocation of the Board of Elections offices, hopefully not to any property owned by BOE Members Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss, Tim Burka, Alex T., Mall Cop GOP, Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Executive Director Caleb Faux, or Republican Bag Man Chippy Gerhardt, or anybody else who gives these clowns money.
OUTRAGEOUS IRONY: Not only did Family Friendly Fascist Chris Finney represent “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman’s anti-tax COAST organization (Citizens Opposed to Additional Spending and Taxes), but Dumpy Dreihaus was also accusing Finney of representing The Greater Cincinnati Right to Lie Association (Protecting Unfettered Free Speech for Politicians Who Can’t Tell the Truth).- IN CLERMONT COUNTY: That Wednesday night, the Clermont County Republican Central Committee met at the Holiday Inn Eastgate, where it was the usual battle between the TEA Party and the establishment Republicans. Despite that division, everyone was expecting Ohio Republican Governor Kasich-Taylor to be the big loser at the meeting. The other sideshow involved a race between veteran State Central Committeewoman Kay Ayres and Jacki Black, the daughter of TEA Party activist Larry Heller. Most people in the room were talking about who the party intended to draft to run against Rob “Fighting for Alternative Lifestyles” Portman as the TEA Party sharpens its knives to focus on his race after butchering Kasich.
LAST YEAR THIS WEEK, THE UNITED APPALL PERSON was beloved character actor Tor Johnson, who called Kristen Erwin at the United Appall’s Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky Film Commission every day to see if there was a part for him in any of the movies that are supposed to be filmed locally. Kristen told Tor about all the money they are getting from all those wonderful film premiers, all about her nice salary, and all the film stars she’s had her picture taken with. Kristen also told Tor that she might have a nice part for him real soon, but not to call her, she will call him, but horror movies are a bit out of style these days.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo said protests from Fanatical Feminists about the previous Saturday’s Blower that cataloged only “Male Masturbation” terms and The Blower (which prides itself on being totally fair-and-balanced), then recognized how some people might have falsely perceived a bit of male bias. But there was good news of the little ladies. Our good friend at Straus & Troy Joe Braun had successfully negotiated with his favorite client, Patty Brisbane at Dildo World to sponsor our Lotta Labia Licking List on the following weekend.
LAST YEAR, OUR GEEZER REPORT said it was another fateful date for our good friend Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves. And wouldn’t you know, he wrote himself another poem, which could only be found in his “Sentimental Poems of the Day,” found in better bookstores everywhere, except in Cleves.
Ode on My 84th Birthday
It is true I am getting old
My passion is becoming less bold
I’m no longer a pup,
Now I drool in my cup
And my pecker is covered with mold.
- FINALLY THIS YEAR, AT FRIDAY’s MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if there were any new developments about Violent Extremist Green Township Muslim Convert Christopher Lee Cornell (also known as Raheel Mahrus Ubaydah) who was arrested after authorities learned the man from Congressman Steve Chabothead’s district was plotting a shooting and bombing attack on the US Capitol.
There was a front-page story in Friday’s Fishwrap rehashing once again how Conservatives were not endorsing Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman’s 2016 U.S. Senate Re-election campaign, but somehow our Forgetful Fishwrapper failed mention how Citizens for Community Values President Phil Burr-ass’ press release was asking if the Robmeister had a Muslim son, would he also be a Gay Terrorist?
“Not to worry,” Kane explained. “The Diversity Squad at The Fishwrap came up with a story for the front page of Sunday’s Forum Section, when KimBall Perry will exclusively report The Green Township Terrorist now wants a Sex Change so he can be known as Carrie Blackmore Ubaydah, and he would look just like the Fishwrap Reporter who’s doing the made-for-TV movie on his life story, and since he’s in jail, his gender reassignment would all be paid for by the over-taxed payers. The Blower remembers what our Feckless Fishwrappers always say: It’s not Baseball, Mom, or Apple Pie that have always made our area great, it’s our “Diversity.”
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it! 
MORE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA POLITICAL CARTOONS
PLAGIARISM COUNT: Unattributed material was misappropriated from a measly 472 different websites for the production of today’s Blower.
TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIARS” AWARD GOES TO
Black Georgia DemocRAT Congressman Hank Johnson, who’s at it again. This time, Our Crazy Old Uncle Hank says, “Don’t think all those regulations are hurting you. I mean, this country that we live in is not a great country because it chose simplicity as its motto. We have a lot of rules we have to live by and those are the things that help make America a great country.” You know what the problem is? This dumb-ass probably believes all of his own crap!
OBAMA IMPEACHMENT HOT LINE
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Some unimpeachably offensive items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally unimpeachably offensive subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Sarah Palin Says, “It’s Time to Impeach Obama Now!”
Published on Nov 14, 2014: Sarah Palin joined a growing chorus of Republicans calling for the impeachment of President Obama, writing in a Breitbart op-ed that the influx of young illegal immigrants over the southern border “is the last straw that makes the battered wife say, ‘no mas.’ “
Note: We guarantee iPhone subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“Signs of the Times” by James Jay Schifrin
There was quite a stir in Patronage County last week when it was discovered that someone had been tampering with the signs at the courthouse.
Rick Schottleclooney, the area’s number one leading TV anchorman, pre-empted four-and-one-half hours of afternoon soap operas to treat viewers to another award-winning “Special Report.” Linked by remote cameras at each of the three commissioners’ law offices, Schottleclooney got nowhere trying to uncover the scandal.
“Tell our audience, commissioners, why the name of the courthouse was changed to COURT HOUSE—two words in 16-inch-high silver letters, when everybody knows it’s all one word,” Schottleclooney challenged.
“We had a long discussion about whether it should be one word or two,” said Commissioner Pilfer. “Then we let our secretary decide.”
“People in Patronage County are stupid,” said Commissioner Filch. “They can’t read long words.”
“That’s right,” agreed Commissioner Swindle. “We even had to change the WO MEN’S restrooms, the PROSE CUT OR’s and TREA SURER’S office, along with DOME STIC RELATIONS and JU VENILE court.”
“But isn’t it true, Commissioner Swindle, that the Swindle Sign Company installed all the signs and that plans were drawn by the Swindle Architect Company on specifications from your illegitimate son who works in the building department?” Schottleclooney asked.
The commissioners hung touch. It was as if they’d even rehearsed their answers. After the newscast, they got together to celebrate. “Schottleclooney’s a jerk,” they all laughed. “He should’ve figured out the new signs were being paid for by the word, instead of by the letter.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the feisty Mt. Washington Press on October 14, 1981.
