Saturday, January 10, 2015

More Sound and Fury, Signifying Nothing

• All week, Real Republicans were disappointed when they didn’t see enough outrage against Southwest Ohio Congressmen Chabothead and WenSchmidt after they voted to return John Boehner as Speaker of the House, especially after a new poll from Pat Caddell’s organization Caddell Associates showed Republican voters nationwide overwhelmingly wanted their House representative to elect somebody other than Boehner.
• Politico says it’s hard to believe a group of House Conservatives spent almost a year dreaming big about toppling Speaker John Boehner, but less than a day before the vote, they still hadn’t found someone to replace him. And after all that huffing and puffing by TEA Party Conservatives last weekend, and all those fund-raising efforts by Conservative Web Pages and Right-Wing Organizations, our Spineless Republicans still ignored the wishes of the voters who sent them to Washington and our Clowns in Congress elected John Boehner to his third term as our RINO “Weeper of the House.”
• The Blower recalled that celebration in Early January of 2013 at the Conservative Agenda, when everybody was high-fivin’ each other all over the place on the final day of That Lame-Duck, Corrupt, Evicted, Lying, Plagiarizing, Meddling, Overblown, Bought-And-Paid-For, Tax-And-Spend, Wrinkle-Puss RINO Bitch-In-A-Ditch “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s time in Congress. The Blower had only been on Mean Jean’s case almost daily since 2005.
• In 2006, The Blower had accurately predicted The Whistleblower’s nickname for “Mean Jean” Schmidt would be used on at least 48,311 occasions by the New York Times and others in the national press, as That Lying Plagiarizing Bitch became the most embarrassing elected official in Southwestern Ohio history (including Jerry Springer), flushing Rob “Fighting for Family Fortunes” Portman’s legacy totally down the crapper for having chosen “Mean Jean” to succeed him. Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception captured that fateful moment.   [READ MORE ABOUT THAT HERE]
• “Mean Jean” would’ve no doubt voted for John Boehner to remain as Speaker of the House on Tuesday, had she still been in office after the 113th Congress had been sworn in. Not to worry, as another one of our Anderson TEA Party Patriots pointed out, two years ago, “Mean Jean’s” replacement cast his first ballot in Congress exactly the way Speaker Boehner had told him to vote, too.
• Not surprisingly, Anderson TEA Party Warrior Princess Suezilla Hardenberg now wonders why TEA Party Patriots worked so hard to remove “Mean Jean” Schmidt two years ago, especially after being forced to endure witnessing Brad WenSchmidt drink the kool aid and stab Conservatives in the back one more time.  

Suezilla also says Republican leaders infuriated Conservatives even further on Tuesday by meting out punishment to that group of 24 far-right GOP lawmakers who tried to oust House Speaker John Boehner by removing two of those members from a key committee. Conservative Review describes the aftermath as the Capitol Hill version of the baptism scene straight from the movie version of The Godfather. This scene, in which Michael Corleone attends the baptism of his sister’s baby, with the priest asking him if he “renounces Satan.” “I do,” solemnly intones the new Godfather. As the baptism unfolds, we see Michael’s Mafia thugs calmly executing the family rivals, shooting them to death in an elevator, in bed, in a revolving door, on the steps of a building. The latter execution performed by a Mafioso dressed as a cop.  Photo Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper shows us Boehner’s Family Meeting to Resolve Party Problems. To see more of Mr. Cropper’s fine work, CLICK HERE.

• Our Astute Media Analyst reminds us opposition to Boehner was far too little far too late, and was just a bunch of political televangelists stirring people up to make some money off of them.
• Niccolò Machiavelli (1469-1527) wrote in The Prince (1505 in Italian, 1513 in English) what has been translated as “Never do an enemy a small injury.” If one is striking out at an opponent, one should make sure that the fatal blow is struck, successfully ending the confrontation. “When you strike (at) a king you must kill him” has been very popular with politicians and with lawyers. The saying has often been applied to a politician seeking to change the leadership in his or her political party. If the “king” is not “killed,” the party leaders will seek revenge. It would appear that our Conservative Coupsters were sleeping during that class.
• Our Congressional Insider says WenSchmidt’s and Chabothead’s votes were decided at least six months ago.  And if they care about the vote two years from now, they must make their presence (both political and financial) known between now and next summer. After that, the battle will be lost, and they’d only be negotiating their surrender (which committees may I please sit on, Mr. Speaker?).

If anybody really cared about winning an election (as in the ELECTION of the Speaker on Tuesday) they should’ve known better. Would Boehner’s opponents have expected to win a county or district seat by calling and writing a handful of voters the 48 hours before Election Day? No, they would’ve begun campaigning more a year in advance. Weirdos who only show up on the sidewalk the day of the Election are ignored by everybody. The interviews and commitments that create a slate of candidates that a majority would support, that’s where victories come from. Not yelling at your neighbor the day before the election “Either you vote for my friend or I’ll never speak to you again.” Expecting WenSchmidt and Chabothead to go against their next door neighbor who’d given them tens of thousands of dollars over the years because of a phone call on the day of the vote, would be naïve, to say the least. That kind of work is done long before an election. How else would an incompetent like “Mean Jean” Schmidt have become a Member of Congress in the first place?

• It’s time for the TEA Party to study our Clermont County Cronies’ handbook.  It was a textbook case for how things should be done. After failing to get rid of “Mean Jean” Schmidt is 2010 because they didn’t have the votes in the Central Committee, they kept their powder dry. They identified their targets and won the votes to be in a position to restore the Clermont Republican Party to a legitimate political organization, not the Thuggish Schmidthead Hit Squad.
• The Muckraker also understands our Clermont County Cronies also want WenSchmidt’s head for supporting our Tax-and-Spend Speaker who fully funded Obamaphones for another year. Have they already begun circulating a “Bring Back Mean Jean” Petition? Maybe not, since “Mean Jean’s” campaign manager Barry Bennett set up an organization to get millions from Obamaphones. (See more about that story HERE)
• In Washington, our DC Newsbreaker says in this year’s Bungled Boehner Coup Attempt, Members sitting beside Dan Webster on the floor didn’t even know he was running.  Dan said, “I just decided last night.” The fight for leadership must be made in the caucus back in November. Then if you lose you support the team.  In a war, some of the soldiers might disagree with the commanders, but when the order is given to “charge” and everyone takes his position, it is not necessarily noble for a couple of malcontents to go off to the side and start shooting their team in the back because they disagree with the order.

The same analogy could be used for the huddle in Monday night’s upcoming The Ohio State Buckeyes’ College Football Championship Game, where a player who disagrees with the play called, declined to cover his man when the ball was snapped. The folks in the stands would not applaud. They’d abandon their support for your (incoherent-incompetent) team. We can only hope it would be one of the Oregon players.

Any arguments one may have with Boehner should be made months before the start of a new Congress.  When that vote is taken in January, every Democrat votes for the DemocRAT. They stick together. This is not play time. Too much is at stake.

• Republicans can’t last if they can’t form a team. TEA party folks are wonderful and getting better every day. But they’re bringing upon themselves undue contempt whenever they show that they don’t know what they are doing.  It is like Tom Z, a wonderful guy, making the opening sentence of his campaign speech…..”If you would have asked me 60 days ago if I would be doing this, I would have said you were crazy?” In other words, I have no leadership plan. I have no roadmap to victory.  I haven’t even thought out what I want to do, but I want power so please vote for me.” These candidates were just lobbing stink bombs into the men’s room.  They weren’t laying out an alternative leadership vision for the GOP.
• Bitch McConnell said “I will not shut down the government” 30 seconds after the Republican Senior Senator from Kentucky was elected Senate Majority Leader. Translation: “Mr. President, if you threaten to shut down the government we’ll give you everything you want.” Our Conservative Consultant says McConnell should’ve said, “The people have spoken. They wanted an end to massive deficits, Amnesty, and ObamaCare. We’re here to carry out their wishes, and we’re inviting you to join us. But be assure, no amount of threats to shut down the government will deter us from doing the people’s business.” That would have been the kind of Leadership Republicans thought they were voting for.
• None of this would’ve happened in Southwest Ohio if Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen were still alive.
• Citizens for Community Values President sent out a press release saying Boehner doesn’t have “What it takes to lead,” three days AFTER Boehner was re-elected. Earth to Phil: Wouldn’t the time to convince Members of Congress how Value Voters felt about Boehner have been BEFORE he was re-elected. BTW, when will you be telling folks if you’re endorsing Rob “Fighting for Same Sex Marriage” Portman’s campaign for re-election to the U.S. Senate in 2016?
• Cincinnati TEA Party President Ann Becker says for people to have a voice, Concerned Citizens must get involved in their county political party’s Central Committee because this is where control of the political power happens at the local level. For change to happen, people must start from the bottom up. You can learn more about Central Committee at the Ohio Precinct Project, because if normal people step up and become a part of the process, politicians will begin to hear the people again. [READ MORE OF ANN’S NOT POORLY WRITTEN COLUMN HERE]
• Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas appears to be a more pragmatic politician. Commenting on Congressman WenSchmidt’s Computer Generated Issue Response to complaints about rubber-stamping Boehner for Speaker, Angry Andrew said, “Look, it’s done now and I will focus on our majority and trying to get our agenda moving forward. I am not going to pick this letter apart, he has some good points but I don’t know if it will placate the frustration level out here in the real world. Let’s hope they actually get something accomplished. If not, the frustration level will most likely go through the roof. We’ve got one shot here.”
• So for all those outraged TEA Partiers, The Blower can now offer some small consolation: WenSchmidt and Chabothead didn’t sell out to John Boehner on Tuesday. They sold out to him a long ago. That sort of makes them honest politicians, because as 19th Century US financier and politician explained, “An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.”
• Meanwhile, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says “Talk about getting’ lucky in Kentucky. We’ve got Tom Massie for our Congressman, who’s not your ordinary politician. He didn’t support Boehner for Speaker in 2013, so his vote against Boehner in 2015 shouldn’t have been all that surprising.”
• Meanwhile for some much-needed political perspective: Friday, the DemocRAT Congressional Campaign Committee sent out this fund-raising e-mail: Only hours into the new Congress, House Republicans came after Social Security. Their new rule changes how Social Security operates — and opens the door for Republicans to derail the program altogether. And this was just on Day One. We need to fight back before Republicans can do any more damage to a program millions of America’s seniors rely on each year. We need 100,000 strong to stand against Boehner and STOP him from ruining Social Security. Click here to add your name
• Finally, at yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, one of our Political Insiders had asked Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane if The Blower would be taking it easy on “Mean Jean,” now that she’s been out of office for two years. 

Kane responded by leading the group with the Whistleblower Motto. Let’s all say it together: “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down.” And that goes double for Bitches!

Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Groucho Marx’s “Time wounds all heels.”

TEA PARTY STRATEGY HOT LINE

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 Some successful political items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally successful political subscribers.

WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY

Rock the Boat – Retire Jean Schmidt on March 6th – Republican Primary

Here’s how a third Party Ad helped scuttled “Mean Jean’s” Campaign: Jean Schmidt has increased our national debt by $2.8 trillion, including a $700 billion bank bailout for which $50 billion went to the parent company of her husband’s employer. You can rock the boat on March 6th by voting in the Republican Primary, and RETIRE JEAN!

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.

“The Eyes Have It” by James Jay Schifrin

Here’s a way to beat those holiday depressions. Go out and buy yourself a new pair of eyeglasses.

For the past 12 years I’ve been listening to everybody tell me how bad I looked in my Woody Allen glasses. Last week, a perfect stranger even stopped me on the street.

“Here,” the man said, thrusting a wad of bills into my hand. “Go buy yourself a new pair of glasses. Yours make you look like a cross between Darth Vader and Norman Murdock.”

So I went to the House of Astigmatism. You see them on TV all the time. They’re the ones with 3,245 convenient offices. I’d never been to Billings, Montana before.

“You’re the people who sell glasses for one low price?” I asked. “$12.50? None higher?”

“Absolutely!” the licensed practical optician assured me. “That is, unless you want the kind with prescription lenses. Then it’ll be a little more. Anywhere from $79.95 to $248.50, depending on the extras.”

“Great!” I said.

Then I spent the next three days trying to find a pair of frames that didn’t make me look like a refugee from a gay bar.

“Try these,” the licensed practical optician said every five minutes as he kept trying to hand me a pair of frames exactly like the ones he was wearing.

“No thanks,” I finally replied. “I once had a dentist with an overbite who made me a set of teeth just like his.”

When I got back to town, I ran into the same stranger who’d given me the money for my new glasses. “You look great,” the man said. “A real improvement. Now you look like a cross between Norman Murdock and Darth Vader.”

This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 30, 1981.

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