Friday, January 9, 2015

TEA Party Tempest

This week, everybody’s wondering when we’ll see some real candidates running against Southwest Ohio Congressmen Chabothead and WenSchmidt after they voted to return John Boehner as Speaker of the House.

After all that huffing and puffing by TEA Party Conservatives last weekend, and all those fund-raising efforts by Conservative Web Pages and Right-Wing Organizations, our Spineless Republicans once again ignored the wishes of the voters who sent them to Washington and our Clowns in Congress elected John Boehner to his third term as our RINO “Weeper of the House.”

Just as The Blower predicted, the result was “A few hundred angry phone calls containing a few dozen empty threats about finding someone to primary them in 2016 and very little else.” That explains why our two Southwest Ohio GOP Congressmen voted the way they did. Remember Albert Einstein’s definition of Insanity. All together now: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

So when voters complained in Ohio’s First Congressional District, Congressman Chabothead’s Computer Generated Issue Response started off with: “Thank you for contacting me about the vote for Speaker of the House of Representatives. I appreciate having your thoughts on this important issue. As you know, at the beginning of every Congress the House of Representatives elects the Speaker of the House. Speaker John Boehner was re-elected to his post for the 114th Congress by a majority of the House of Representatives.”

And when voters complained in Ohio’s Second Congressional District, Congressman WenSchmidt’s Computer Generated Issue Response began: “Thank you for contacting me regarding my vote for Speaker of the House. I assure you, your thoughts are important to me as I work to effectively represent you in Congress.”

No wonder Anderson TEA Party Warrior Princess Suezilla Hardenberg wondered why TEA Party Patriots worked so hard to remove “Mean Jean” Schmidt, only to endure witnessing Brad WenSchmidt drink the kool aid and stab Conservatives in the back one more time.

All of which means, nobody was really surprised when both computer-generated letters rubber-stamped Boehner’s “Why I Voted for Boehner” Talking Points, just like when Chabothead and WenSchmidt both rubber-stamped Boehner’s $1.1 Trillion “cromnibus bill,” about which so many of Republican voters objected.

Maybe that’s why Northern Kentucky’s Real Republican Congressman Thomas Massie said, “I could not vote in good conscience for John Boehner.”

Meanwhile, at yesterday’s meeting of Romney Supporters Anonymous in Goshen, several Recovering Republicans once again repeated the group’s motto: “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”

Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:

It’s none other than Blower Babe Ann Becker, not really Clermont County State Rep-tile John Becker in drag. Our Cincinnati TEA Party President is a letter-writer extraordinaire. Her not-poorly-written column in Wednesday’s Fishwrap said the Speaker’s race wasn’t about winning the speakership. Instead, it was about the power of normal folks to be heard, and It was about the chance for Conservative views – views that are held by a majority of people in this country – to be heard.

Ann said for people to have a voice, concerned citizens must get involved in their county political party’s Central Committee because this is where control of the political power happens at the local level. For change to happen, people must start from the bottom up. You can learn more about Central Committee at the Ohio Precinct Project, because if normal people step up and become a part of the process, politicians will begin to hear the people again.

This idea is nothing new. A year ago in The Blower’s “TEA Party Tempest,” TEA Party Guy Ed Bell said Conservatives must fill every local GOP precinct and take control of the Central Committee — this was the real key to sweeping the GOP Establishment from our statehouses and Congress. [YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT THAT HERE] Obviously, not enough people were willing to do the work, and our TEA Party Patriots became entirely assimilated by the Republican Party. The Blower has only been complaining about this since Lincoln was a precinct captain.

That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in promoting reasonable and responsible political concerns, is pleased to allow Ms. Becker to be our Conservative Agenda Guest Editor and choose three Liberal Bashing items plus a Politically Incorrect Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.

“TOP TEN REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT” probably not by David Letterman

I voted DemocRAT because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever and whomever I want, so I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe oil company’s’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted DemocRAT because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted DemocRAT because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home quickly in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

I voted DemocRAT because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

I voted DemocRAT because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security, and benefits should be taken away from those who paid for them.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe that businesses should NOT be allowed to make profits for themselves.They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the DemocRATs see fit.

I voted DemocRAT because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who never would or could get their agendas past the voters.

I voted DemocRAT because I think that it’s better to pay billions for oil to people who hate us than it is to drill for our own oil because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish.

“THE AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT” by Sammy Slacker

Obama and the DemocRAT Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring people with no abilities (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Sen. Dick Durbin: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

“Welcome to Hell, Mr. Obama!” by Our Late Night TV Jokewatcher

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately slides down to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

“No,” Obama said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”

DID YOU SEE THAT ONE COMING?

AND SOME QUICKIES from Jewbaca

In light of this week’s events, I think we should start a recurring, and on-going, thread of Mohammed Jokes.

I’ll start, but remember “jokes don’t kill people. Muslims offended by jokes kill people.”

And remember, stereotyping a person because of religion is not fair, be they a Christian, Jew, or a terrorist.

These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.

MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS

TODAY’S “LIBERAL LIARS” AWARD GOES TO

New York Times executive editor Dean Baquet, who decided his paper would not publish Charlie Hebdo’s cartoons of the Islamic Prophet Muhammad because he did not want to insult the paper’s Muslim readers. Jews on the other hand are told to stop whining when they see a Holocaust-denying item like this in the Times:

Whistleblower Web Poll

This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Congressman Brad WenSchmidt ignored his voters and voted to John Boehner as Speaker of the House:
(A) Only a few hundred angry phone calls so far: 2%
(B) Not even a dozen empty threats about someone running against him the 2016 primary: 1%
(C) Didn’t want to appear more Conservative than Steve Chabothead: 3%
(D) None of Boehner’s “Opponents” asked for his vote: 94%

Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!

Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest

Conservative Challenges

This week, everybody who says Liberal Media reports of all that infighting among members of the Grand Old Party is only a distraction from all those important issues facing our nation, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.

The winner is Card-carrying Conservative Gary Boldwater, who wonders if sucking up to the TEA Party would allow all those RINOs to keep their jobs in 2016. Gary wins a commemorative “Red” map of Ohio before Hamilton County turned “blue,” a “Save Us, Alex” bumper sticker, and a promise of a $50,000-per year job at 700 Walnut Street for his own soon-to-be divorced spouse. His winning entry is:

So what should Conservatives do now?
Will the Dems win the next row?
‘Cause any guy knows
With all of those RINOs
They would win if they only knew how

And from the Anderson Laureate we have another poignant political prognostication:
So what should conservatives do now?
What will the current climate allow?
If I could for a fact
I’d impeach Mr. Barack
And see what happens to the Dow.

Obama picked people like Hagel
Who really knew how to inveigle?
Chuck loved Iran
And they think he’s a good man
But he’s not crazy about people who like a bagel.

There were times in the past when we could
Do things that would make our country “good.”
But we’re loaded with lazies,
Left wingers and crazies
And don’t forget the ones in the ‘hood.

If we could I would say we should unite
And give the socialists a good fight
But they have all the power
And get more by the hour
Our country’s in a terrible plight.

So maybe we should all try to pray
That things will get better some day.
Hitler, Stalin, and Mao
Are all history now
Maybe Obama will go the same way.

The first line of next week’s limerick is
“The reason we have no civility”

POLITICAL RHETORIC HOT LINE

e-mail your incendiary insults today

Some fully loaded items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally fully loaded subscribers.

Whistleblower Video of the Day

Charlie Hebdo SONG Satire ✪ Horrifying TRUTH about Islam

The song “Islam is not for me” is performed by anonymous artists. This is satire comedy and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Death treats lose in long run. You can’t silence the Enlightened World. Religions come on internet to die!

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Daily Archives: January 9, 2015

Just Another “Guest Column” E-dition