Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers
It was hard to choose our lead story on Monday: The Still-Not-Ready-For-The-Playoffs Bungals or Hyping our Winter Storm Warning. —Local TV News Directors- If ever a game should’ve been blacked out on TV, you saw it on Sunday. —Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall
- It was so cold last night, our brass monkey wanted to come in from the porch. —TV 5 Weather Guessers
- All those thugs and felons at the jail made us change channels during the second half. They claimed making them watch was cruel and unusual punishment. —Hamilton County Sheriff Jim Neil
Channel Nine called last night to ask for a “nipple check.” —Wendy the Witch- Only the Bungals would keep a coach for 12 years without winning a playoff game, including four in a row where they time and again played unprepared, uninspired, sloppy football. —Troublemaking Tailgater Tino Delgato
- We even sent one of our of lily white reporters to Bond Hill to ask one of da brothers how cold a motherfucker is. — Local 12 Weather Authority
- The Bungals were just looking out for us. —Housewives Who Would Like to See Their Honey-Dos Done On The Weekends After Ohio State Plays The Last College Game Next Monday
The weekend’s best winter weather story was when that 12 year old New Hampshire girl got her tongue stuck to a flagpole after licking it during a blizzard. —Everybody Who’s Ever Seen “A Christmas Story”- I hope everyone appreciates the 0 playoff wins I’ve delivered in my 24 years as Bungals Owner. Thanks for my new $10 Million scoreboard, suckers! —Greedy Millionaire Mike Brown
- Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Three bags full! —Republican Hamilton County Commissioners Greg “Tax Hike” Hartmann and Chris Monzel
- Does anybody remember November 1, 2013, two months before today’s assault by record low temperatures, when Obama warned “Excessively high temperatures” are “already” harming public health nationwide? —Whistleblower Fact Checkers
- Please don’t ask how much it cost over-taxed payers for our family’s latest Hawaiian vacation at over-taxed payers’ expense. —Barry, Michelle, Natasha, Malia, and Bo
After all that huffing and puffing by TEA Party Conservatives today, our Spineless Republicans will once again ignore the wishes of the voters who sent them to Washington and John Boehner will still be elected to his third term as our RINO “Weeper of the House.” —Clowns in Congress - And did we ever exploit all those fund-raising opportunities by promoting the “Boehner Rebellion.” —Conservative Web Pages and Right-Wing Organizations
Why did we work so hard to remove “Mean Jean” Schmidt when Brad WenSchmidt drank the kool aid and stabbed Conservatives in the back one more time. —Anderson TEA Party Warrior Princess Suezilla Hardenberg - I’m glad nobody asked me to predict if I was going to vote for Boehner when I e-mailed my 2015 Predicts last week. —Steve Chabothead
- Do you think today’s award should go to one of the House Republicans? — Your “Liberals Tell the Stupidest Lies” Award Committee
- We’ll still be getting all our free stuff, right? —Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Him In The White House—Twice
- Do NOT check your stock portfolio today! —Whistleblower Senior Business Editor Merrill Forbes
- Now that Prince Andrew has found himself ensnared in the sleazy sex slave story of wealthy degenerate Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton can’t be too far behind. —The Smoking Gun
Tomorrow’s celebrity birthdays include three American icons: Millard Fillmore, 13th president of these United States; Paul Revere, the New England Patriot who rode through every Middlesex village and farm to warn that the British were coming; and of course, Our Very Own Beloved Whistleblower Publisher, Charles Foster Kane. —Hurley the Historian - I’m wondering if anybody will be wishing me Happy Birthday on my Faux Facebook Page tomorrow. —Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane
Please tell your Beloved Whistleblower Publisher we’re mailing his re-estate tax bill on Thursday, the day after his birthday. —Hamilton County Treasurer Robert A. Goering - And since it’s already after the first of the year, all Hamilton County residents may now file their “formal complaints” objecting to the “Fair Property Values” I just made up on their Triennial Updates. —Your Disingenuous Double-Dipping Democrat Auditor Permitted to Run Unopposed
- The Dissociated Press is reporting that a legal battle of biblical proportions could be brewing in Kentucky over the state’s withdrawal of a tax incentive for the Answers in Genesis Noah’s Ark Park. —Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo
The reason The Blower doesn’t have much Northern Kentucky News this morning must be because everybody’s out buying presents for Miss Vicki’s Birthday on Sunday. —Alison Wondergams Grimes - That’s why we chose Robert Frost’s “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
- Will that Chippendale guy be popping out of Miss Vicki’s cake again this year? —Cougars From Fort Mitchell
- During Monday morning’s Kenton County Fiscal Court meeting, was I the only member critical of our new Judge-Executive, Prissy Krissy Knochelmann? —Commissioner Jon Draud
- At least I won’t have any campaign promises to break, since while I was running for office I didn’t say anything about what I did during my eight years in office as a commissioner or what my agenda was going to be if elected judge. —Brand New Kenton County Judge Executive Kris Knochelman
- Whatever happened to those two Hummers that Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl obtained from the federal government? —Kenton County Over-taxed Payers
- Will Scott “Pass the Biscuits” Kimmich surreptitiously sell County owned property to a relative after he becomes Deputy Judge Executive? —Grant County Voters
- Please thank Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception for including us in last year’s rendition of Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s Party After the After Party. —Howard Wilkinson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin, Ohio GOP Governor John Kasich, Lady Ga Ga, Roseanne Barr, Ex-President of Iran, Ex-Mayor Mallory, Trish “the Dish,” Mitt Romney, Hillary, “JayWalking Joe” Deters, Foxy Roxy, Vladimir Putin, “Millionaire Mike” Brown, Obama’s Mooch, the Birthday Boy, Whoopi Cushion, Sarah Baby, and Bill Springerinham
Clowns to the left of you, Jokers to the right, here we are, Stuck in the middle with you. —Long-time Whistleblower Readers- How cold is it supposed to get this week? —TV 19’s “Trish the Dish”
- Sheree Paolello used to always ask how warm it was when I wore my winter wig. —Jack Atherton, (Channel 22.45 in Dayton in case you wanted to knit me a head warmer)
Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially RINOs in Congress.
— Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—
Sometimes The Blower makes fun of Winter Wussies to show that always complaining about the weather is not appropriate in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t frozen stiff.
This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental, especially “Randy” from “A Christmas Story.”
GLOBAL WARMING HOT LINE
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Some sub-zero items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally sub-zero Subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Mike Brown Video from 2010
