Friday, January 2, 2015
The Hype Stops Here
Yesterday The Blower reported that it wasn’t even 8AM on New Year’s Day before either of Thursday’s College Football Playoff Semifinal Bowl Games had been played and the talking heads on Sports Center were already arguing about whether Urban Meyer’s Buckeyes should be ranked number one in next year’s pre-season polls. No kidding. And you thought all that presidential campaign hype went on too long.
It was almost the end of the college football season, and according to Dan Shaughnessy at the Boston Globe, “in case you’re really paying attention, you watched West Virginia against Texas A&M on ESPN in the AutoZone Liberty Bowl Monday afternoon. That was followed by Clemson vs. Oklahoma in the Russell Athletic Bowl, and the time-honored AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl featuring a pair of 6-6 teams (Texas and Arkansas) at NRG Stadium in Houston Monday night.
“What in the name of the Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl is going on here? Anybody out there old enough to remember when the college football bowl games were actually played on New Year’s Day? When playing in a bowl game meant you were a superior football team? When we could all set our New Year’s Day watches by the Sugar Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Rose Bowl, and Orange Bowl? Today we live in an age of bowl proliferation and dilution. We’ve gone from the Big Four bowls to 18 bowls in 1994, to a whopping 38 college football bowl games in 2014-15. If the Rose Bowl is still ‘The granddaddy of them all,’ what does that make the Duck Commander Independence Bowl?
“Even in an era of NCAA bowl deregulation, it’s hard to find 76 bowl-eligible teams to stock the 38 games that precede the new national championship game where the winner receives the prized College Football National Championship Trophy presented by Dr. Pepper, after the College Football National Championship Game to be played January 12 in Arlington, Texas. Bowl eligibility requires that a school own a winning record or win its conference. And said school must not be on NCAA probation.”
If The Blower didn’t know better, we might suspect somebody’s trying to hype the college football playoffs and national champion title game into another Super Bowl, so they could sell more 30-second TV commercials for $3.8 million apiece. Cha-Ching!
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
It’s none other than Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall, once called a “Go-getting anything-for-some-ink publicity man” who’s been hyping sports stories for at least as long as we’ve known him. Remember when Andy got his WLW Hate Radio co-host Cris Collinsworth, now an NBC NFL Analyst, to race a horse? The Blower remembers in 1980 when Andy got fired as PR director for Monticello Raceway in New York for his Klu Klux Klan Night promotion. And of course, everybody remembers when FurBall got fired by WLW Hate Radio for complaining a racist Bungals player called him a “punk-ass white boy.”
Furball’s really had his nose out of joint ever since September 12, when Ken Broo got to be our Guest Editor.
Sometimes The Blower ridicules Sports Talk Show Hosts to show that obsession with sports when there are so many other important problems in the world is not acceptable in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t begging us to give him a weekly sports column in The Blower.
That’s why The Blower, which takes pride in ridiculing hypsters of all races, creeds, colors, and sexual perversions, is pleased to permit our old friend Andy FurBall, who never met an event he couldn’t hype, to be our College Football Playoff Guest Editor and choose three football-related items plus some football-related Quickies for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors.
- “LOU HOLTZ DIDN’T NAIL IT” according to Snopes
Shortly after President Obama gave a speech about income inequality in December 2013, writer Bob Lonsberry published an essay on his web site titled “Two Americas” about the “The America that works, and the America that doesn’t.”
The article didn’t initially gain too much attention, but that situation changed when the text of Lonsberry’s essay started circulating via e-mail with former football coach Lou Holtz’s name featured prominently at the top in ways that inaccurately suggested he was the article’s author, such as “Lou Holtz Nails It!”, “Told As Only a Coach, An Old Coach Can,” “Lou Holtz on America Today,” and “Lou Holtz’s Viewpoint.”
As Bob Lonsberry has confirmed, however, the “Two Americas” essay was not penned by that famous former football coach. It was written and originally published by Lonsberry on his own web site on 9 December 2013.
The DemocRATS are right, there are two Americas. The America that works and the America that doesn’t. The America that contributes and the America that doesn’t. It’s not the haves and the have nots, it’s the dos and the don’ts. Some people do their duty as Americans, obey the law, support themselves, contribute to society and others don’t. That’s the divide in America.
It’s not about income inequality, it’s about civic irresponsibility. It’s about a political party that preaches hatred, greed, and victimization in order to win elective office. It’s about a political party that loves power more than it loves its country.
That’s not invective, that’s truth, and it’s about time someone said it.
The politics of envy was on proud display a couple weeks ago when President Obama pledged the rest of his term to fighting “income inequality.” He noted that some people make more than other people, and that some people have higher incomes than others, and he says that’s not just. That is the rationale of thievery.
The other guy has it, you want it, Obama will take it for you. Vote Democrat. That is the philosophy that produced Detroit.
It is the electoral philosophy that is destroying America. It conceals a fundamental deviation from American values and common sense because it ends up not benefiting the people who support it, but a betrayal.
The DemocRATS have not empowered their followers; they have enslaved them in a culture of dependence and entitlement, of victim-hood and anger instead of ability and hope. The president’s premise – that you reduce income inequality by debasing the successful–seeks to deny the successful the consequences of their choices and spare the unsuccessful the consequences of their choices, because, by and large, income variations in society are a result of different choices leading to different consequences.
Those who choose wisely and responsibly have a far greater likelihood of success, while those who choose foolishly and irresponsibly have a far greater likelihood of failure.
Success and failure usually manifest themselves in personal and family income. You choose to drop out of high school or to skip college – and you are apt to have a different outcome than someone who gets a diploma and pushes on with purposeful education.
You have your children out of wedlock and life is apt to take one course; you have them within a marriage and life is apt to take another course. Most often in life our destination is determined by the course we take.
My doctor, for example, makes far more than I do. There is significant income inequality between us. Our lives have had an inequality of outcome, but, our lives also have had an in equality of effort. While my doctor went to college and then devoted his young adulthood to medical school and residency, I got a job in a restaurant. He made a choice, I made a choice, and our choices led us to different outcomes. His outcome pays a lot better than mine. Does that mean he cheated and Barack Obama needs to take away his wealth? No, it means we are both free men in a free society where free choices lead to different outcomes.
It is not inequality Barack Obama intends to take away; it is freedom, the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. There is no true option for success if there is no true option for failure. The pursuit of happiness means a whole lot less when you face the punitive hand of government if your pursuit brings you more happiness than the other guy. Even if the other guy sat on his arse and did nothing. Even if the other guy made a lifetime’s worth of asinine and short sighted decisions.
Barack Obama and the DemocRATS preach equality of outcome as a right, while completely ignoring inequality of effort.
The simple Law of the Harvest – as ye sow, so shall ye reap – is sometimes applied as, “The harder you work, the more you get.”
Obama would turn that upside down. Those who achieve are to be punished as enemies of society and those who fail are to be rewarded as wards of society. Entitlement will replace effort as the key to upward mobility in American society if Barack Obama gets his way. He seeks a lowest common denominator society in which the government besieges the successful and productive to foster equality through mediocrity. He and his party speak of two Americas, and their grip on power is based on using the votes of one to sap the productivity of the other. America is not divided by the differences in our outcomes; it is divided by the differences in our efforts.
It is a false philosophy to say one man’s success comes about unavoidably as the result of another man’s victimization.
What Obama offered was not a solution, but separatism. He fomented division and strife, pitted one set of Americans against another for his own political benefit. That’s what socialists offer. Marxist class warfare wrapped up with a bow. Two Americas, coming closer each day to proving the truth to Lincoln’s maxim that a house divided against itself cannot stand.
“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”
Lou Holtz
Leo “Lou” Holtz (born January 6, 1937) is a retired American football coach, and active sportscaster, author, and motivational speaker.
- “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL” by Boomer Esiason
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
___________________________________________
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
___________________________________________
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
___________________________________________
How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a sophomore course.
___________________________________________
How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
___________________________________________
Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.”
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”
___________________________________________
A University of Mississippi football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
___________________________________________
What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “
“Will the defendant please rise.”
___________________________________________
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
___________________________________________
How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
___________________________________________
What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
___________________________________________
University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.
___________________________________________
How is the South Carolina football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________________
Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
___________________________________________
How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________________
What are the longest three years of a University of Florida football player’s life?
Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.
- “Redskins Rant” by George Armstrong Custer
Here is an email sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an article he published concerning a name change for the Washington Redskins.
Dear Mr. Page:
I always love your articles and I generally agree with them. I would suggest, as in an email I received, the Redskins change their name to the Foreskins” to better represent their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in Congress.
Here are some other politically correct issues to consider: I agree with our Native American population. I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward. Let’s ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60s alive. Gone. It’s offensive to us white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men’s lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message for our children.
The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message for our children.
The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Another wrong message for our children.
The Milwaukee Brewers – well that goes without saying… Wrong message for our children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing congress loves.
As a die-hard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women’s athletic teams to something other than “the Beavers.”
Keep those cards and letters coming!
- AND SOME QUICKIES by Our Good Friend Bobby Leach
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Andy Dalton told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can’t Andy Dalton use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can’t find the receiver.
Q: How many Cincinnati Bengals does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
See more Bungals Jokes HERE
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
MORE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL CARTOONS
TODAY’S “LIBERALS RUINING COLLEGE FOOTBALL” AWARD GOES TO OBAMA
for claiming if he had a Hawaiian son, he’d want him to be just like Heisman Winner Oregon Quarterback Marcus Mariota.
More Football Stories We’re Working On
Ohio State: “We Are Good Enough!”- UC: Season Ticket Sales Stall After Embarrassing Bowl Loss
- UK: More Bowl Appearances Than UC
- Xavier: Salad Days at Salad Bowl in 1950
- Why Doesn’t NKU Have a Football Team?
- Penis Still Painted on Anderson High Football Field
- Unfortunately Sunday’s Bungals Playoff Game Won’t Be Blacked Out
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s how the first 17,648 Whistleblower Web Poll respondents said Bungals Coach Marvin Lewis planned to win Sunday’s big NFL Playoff game:
(A) A more potent offense: 2%
(B) A stronger defense: 1%
(C) Instill that winning spirit: 3%
(D) Hope the entire Indianapolis Colts team comes down with the flu: 94%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
One More 2014 Year-End Review
This week, everybody who thought all those year-end-review columns were just a big waste of time, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is Larry Listmaker, who says the biggest problem with The Blower is that it can make the truth sound like a lie and something they just made up sound like the truth, and you’re never quite sure which is which. Larry wins a “We Don’t Need No Stinking Facts Checked” T-shirt, tickets to the Proofreaders Hall of Fame, and a date with the news bimbo of his choice to the Copy Editors Ball. His winning limerick is:
The biggest story we found last year
Will have you crying in your beer
‘Cause between you and me
What you get from DC
Is just a kick in the rear.
And from the Anderson Laureate we have another Obama-basher:
The biggest story we found last year
Was not that Rob Portman’s son was a queer
But with Obama’s screw-ups and scandals
Which the press always mishandles
We keep hoping his impeachment is near.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“So what should Conservatives do now?”
COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANATICS HOT LINE
e-mail your playoff predictions today
Some college football playoff hyping items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally college football playoff hyping subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Ohio State Marching Band Script Ohio at Buckeye Invitational Great Sound
The Buckeye Invitational is an annual Band fund raising event. High school marching bands compete throughout the day, with larger marching bands ending the high school program. The Buckeye Invitational ends with a performance by The Ohio State University Marching Band, The Best Damn Band in the Land!
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
