Saturday, December 13, 2014
A Government Voters Truly Deserve
Two years ago at this time, RINO House Speaker John Boehner had not yet caved in on “Taxmageddon.” - This year, Boehner’s already caved in on and gift wrapped a Dishonest Budget Deal for Obama and his Dishonest DemocRATS. On Thursday, Boehner’s RINO-controlled House approved a $1.1 trillion bill nobody had even read to fund most of the government through September. despite an outcry from DemocRATS and significant defections in both parties.
- The Blower thinks we might be speaking for the VAST MAJORITY of those who voted Republican in the midterm election when we say Boehner stabbed us all in the back by spearheading passage and funding of Amnesty and ObamaCare.
- No wonder Sarah Palin says the Obama/Boehner Cromnibus Bill “Stinks to High Heaven!”
Along with Boehner, The Anderson TEA Party says Republicans might also want to thank Steve Chabothead and “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup for their great grandchildren’s Christmas present, since Bluegrass Congressman Thomas Massie was the only local Real Republican Congressman voting against the budget boondoggle. - But let’s face it, folks! U.S. Debt (now more than $18 Trillion) has gone up $3.8 trillion in 3.8 years under Boehner’s so-called “Leadership.” That’s more than under all the previous presidents from Washington thru Reagan. Does that sound like Boehner has ever been taking orders from Conservatives?
- TODAY’S LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES AWARD goes to all those overpaid Black Congressional Staffers who interrupting their workday on Thursday to attend the protest during one of Congress’ busiest weeks of the year to show all of us over-taxed payers how they were all really traumatized by those grand jury decisions in Ferguson and Staten Island. “Black staffers on Capitol Hill wanted to do something in support of ongoing national and global protests against police aggression,” an organizer said. But the “Really Big Lie” came when they all posed for the camera doing their “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” pose, in spite of court testimony that it never really happened. The Fishwrap incorrectly reported a rally on the steps of the federal courthouse building in Downtown Cincinnati on Friday afternoon gave Black protesters a chance to act up so The Fishwrap could promote their cause. It really happened at the Injustice Center. Has anybody ever figured out if the cameras didn’t show up, the protesters wouldn’t either?
Now let’s see how The Rest of America is responding to Ferguson.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says after spending nine months on the run, former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein is captured on this day in 2003, and will be interesting to see how Liberal Pundits and Obama Supporters in the Press try to rewrite history and give Obama credit for it.- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose OustObama12’s “We have already reached the point where we do not believe anything Obama says. He has lost his credibility and the government has lost the confidence of the people to run healthcare, the postal service, the welfare programs, and just about every program that they get involved in.”
IN ANDERSON: Thursday at a Bribe Lunch at the Belterra Racino to discuss Anderson Township’s all-new-and-improved PR Plan, Charles Foster Kane asked why Anderson Township Trustees would ever think of closing down a loser operation like the township’s public access TV station, and our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher learned exactly how much money Anderson Cable TV is actually costing overtaxed payers anyway. YIKES!
In a related media programming story, our Good Friend Darryl Parks was bragging on his blog the other day about how accurately he’d predicted the way the media would change during the past decade way back in 2005 or 2006. Not bad for a young whippersnapper. Maybe Darryl would like to hear how Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane once predicted professional football would someday be using computers to call plays during a lengthy discussion over lunch with legendary Bengals owner Paul Brown. That was way back in 1969, when the Bengals were still playing at Nippert Stadium.
Also in Anderson at Wednesday’s Anderson High School’s Class of ‘56 Survivors Dinner at Red Lobster, Kane asked if that restaurant would be entering The Blower’s contest to see which fine dining establishment would be serving the best Bouillabaisse in the Tri-state on National Bouillabaisse Day on Sunday, and would you believe, nobody at Red Lobster knew what “Bouillabaisse” was? Maybe that’s because they didn’t have a picture of it on the cash register.
SODOMY RIGHTS UPDATE: Truth Revolt is reporting a billboard paid for by Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays (PFOX) is causing a stir in Richmond, Virginia. The billboard shows an image of identical male twins, with the caption, “Identical twins: One gay. One not. We believe that nobody is born gay.” Noted Local Homophobe Phil Burr-ass says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback had a twin brother?”- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: Unbelievably, Convicted-and-Sentenced Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter’s picture has not appeared on the front page of The Fishwrap since last Sunday, when KimBall Perry promoted our Local Racial Divide with his story about how the Hunter Trial was spotlighting our Local Racial Divide.
MEANWHILE, the best way for all for all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, to show their true devotion to the Obamas during the Christmas Season would just be to buy another Obama Christmas ornament to decorate their crappy Christmas trees, like this “Happy Holidays from Barack and Michelle” for only $15.98 (plus God only knows how much for shipping and handling). Just think, it’ll be just like “768 More Days of Christmas” during Obama’s second term, and best of all, proceeds will benefit Obama’s 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.
MORE PARTY PLANNING: For those who are planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Revered Former Congressman Bob McEwen attending Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Christmas Party at the Schmidt Run Estates at 771 Wards Corner Road, where the disgraced former U.S. Congresswoman plans to announce her return to politics, let’s all sing the seventh verse of “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by producers at “Saturday Night Live,” whose hilarious news parody made Ohio’s Second District Congresswoman a laughingstock all across this great nation when Rachel Dratch played “Mean Jean.” It goes something like this:
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Seven Wits a Wagging,
Six Crooked Cronies,
Five Libelous Liars,
Four Screeching Tires,
Three Borgman Cartoons,
Two Red Dresses,
And One Old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.
Kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it, Portman!
- AND DON’T FORGET COAST’S CHINTZY CHRISTMAS PARTY THIS YEAR, where Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney is still making you pay for your own food and drinks. You’d think COAST Co Founder “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman would object, since it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep the spirit of a free meal well. And do you think Finney will be providing complimentary invitations to those Dishonest DemocRATS he’s invited, along with the area Congressman who just voted for Boehner’s latest cave-in to Obama in the House?
Now let’s all watch Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and The Blower Christmas Dancers show why they’re favorites at holiday parties all over the tri-state.
UNITED APPALL PEOPLE: Several times a week, alcoholic bartender Paul Puddler visits the John Gilligan Adult Diaper Replacement Clinic for People Who Can’t Stop Leaking, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies supposedly serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens, but mainly providing a paycheck to someone who couldn’t get a real job. Paul hopes the United Appall meets this week’s fundraising goal so he can continue to pick up his daily supply Depends. “I just want to be loved and dry,” says Paul. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
STILL IN A HOLIDAY MOOD, Adams County Historian Scott Seaman says “I love Christmas Lights, but they remind me of politicians! They all hang together, half the suckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.” Still, the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located in East Jesus says those Amazing Amish Christmas Lights in the Wheat Ridge Community are really spectacular this year. If only Ohio Second District Congressman-Elect Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup’s office had given directions for the opening ceremonies last Saturday, all those people wouldn’t still be driving around every night looking for the lights.
FREEBEE STORE NOTICE
TO ALL THOSE WANTING TURKEYS FOR CHRISTMAS
YOU MUST SHOW THE COOKED WISHBONE
FROM YOUR FREE THANKSGIVING TURKEY
TO PROVE YOU ACTUALLY COOKED AND FED YOUR FAMILY
WITH YOUR LAST HAND-OUT!!
- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher about his Conservative Christmas Wish List.
“The Dark Ages of Obama are continuing unabated, but here’s all I want,” Kane explained. “Obama: Impeached! Borders: Closed! Language: English! Culture: Constitution, and the Bill of Rights! Drug Free: Mandatory Drug Screening before Welfare! No Freebies to Non-Citizens! Also, a Balanced Budget Amendment, Tax Reform, and Term Limits for Congress.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to add to your Wish List,” somebody asked. “Sure,” Kane said. “I wish we won’t get 17 more e-mail copies of that “Conservative Christmas Wish List” I just gave you.
And REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially those 15 Peaceful Protesters in Cincinnati?
Bluegrass Blessings
The holidays are a time for peace on earth, good will towards all men. That’s why on Christmas every year Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo always goes to visit Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl at the Kenton County Escape Center and to share Christmas dinner with the less fortunate. The CamBoozler was so touched by his visit last year, he wrote this wonderful Christmas poem, sure to become a classic and be re-told by generations of inmates to come.
‘Twas Christmas in the Jail House,
All the inmates gathered there
Seated round the table
Waiting for their fare.
Enters then the jailer,
And softly to them calls,
“What do you want for Christmas?”
And the inmates answered “Balls!”
Then angry was the jailer,
And he swore by all the gods,
That he’d give no Christmas pudding
To such ungrateful clods.
Then up rose an ancient inmate
And in a voice as hard as brass
Said, “Take your Christmas pudding
And shove it up your ASS!”
Ken CamBoo says he can hardly wait for our Good Friend Kenton Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Christmas Party at Jer Zees pub and Grub at 708 Monmouth Street in Newport, especially since The Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) events are being combined.
One thing they’ll all be talking about to be sure is how “Crazy Eric” always manages to surface at press events so soon after tragedies occur, particularly if somebody actually sent The Blower some definitive proof about how he unethically solicits clients.
Another Holiday Party The CamBoozler never misses is the Annual World Orgasm for Peace Day Orgy at the Fort Mitchell County Club, co-sponsored by Uptight Bitches in Ft. Mitchell and the Northern Kentucky Cougars’ Association. That godless pagan event is on December 21, just in time for Druids to celebrate the Winter Solstice. Marvin the Mayan says it’s unfortunate the world didn’t come to an end a couple of years ago on December 21 when the Mayans predicted it, because he’s still paying for all that stuff he charged on his Discover card.
Miss Vicki says some people keep asking her if her Big “O” Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club is “for real,” since they’re not 100% certain World Orgasm for Peace Day, being celebrated on the eve of the Winter Solstice next Saturday is a real event.
And just to get everybody in the mood, Miss Vicki has a couple of videos for us this morning: “The Ever-Popular ‘When Harry Met Sally’ Fake Orgasm Scene” and one that should appeal to all Miss Vicki’s friends in Ft. Mitchell who fake their orgasms, the Funny Lovebites “Fake Orgasm” episode.
Finally, IS IT CHRISTMAS YET?
More Bluegrass Blasphemies
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says there are still many problems at the nativity scene in Northern Kentucky this Christmas. It’s not for any religious or constitutional reason, but organizers say they simply haven’t been able to find three wise men and a virgin in all of Northern Kentucky. There’s no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
In a related story, the CamBoozler just remembered this recipe for Christmas Cake. Let’s check out the ingredients: 1 cup of water, 1 tsp baking soda, 1 cup of sugar, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, 4 large eggs, 1 cup nuts, 1 bottle of imported Absolut Plummer Vodka, and 2 cups of dried fruit.
Now let’s sample the Plummer Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Plummer Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar … beat again. At this point, it’s best to make sure the Plummer Vodka is still okay. Try another cup … just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor … mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Plummer Vodka to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt or something. Who giveshz a shit. Check the Plummer Vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through feakin’ the window, Finish the Plummer Vodka and kick the cat. CHERRY MISTMAS!
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
More Conservative Christmas Cartoons
COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE HOT LINE
e-mail your enormous empathy today
Some compassionate Conservative items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally compassionate Conservative subscribers, but let’s face it, we could always use a lot more.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Another Oldie But Goodie Obama Christmas Carol
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“Something Special” by James Jay Schifrin
Did you ever wonder why there were so many holiday special on TV? Sind July 4, there must have been 487 of them, and we still have ten more watch days until Christmas.
Some specials have been on more than all of the “Brady Bunch” and “Perry Mason” re-runs combined. Some specials even feature people who are still alive. One special this year showed Anne Murray’s family reunion in Nova Scotia. Have you ever met anybody who can even fi8nd Nova Scotia on a map?
There are animated specials like “The Roadrunner-Godzilla Christmas Special” in prime time. That’s for kids to watch. They have pretentious warm family specials like the “Sonny and Cher Christmas Special” Divorced couples should watch that. And the “Slim Whitman Christmas Special” will surely be followed by a year’s commercials for the “Slim Whitman Christmas Special” record album.
By now you probably thing you’ve seen every possible Christmas special there is. Which only proves you haven’t seen next week’s “TV Guide.” Imagine the “Elvis Pfresly Christmas Special,” with special guest stars Billie Jean King and Anita Bryant. On pay-TV, “The Prince Charles and Lady Diana Christmas Special” will feature Jackie O singing Christmas carols in front of a fireplace full of burning money. Orson Wells will host the “Weight Watchers Christmas Special.” And on “60 Minutes,” Mike Wallace will expose Santa Claus as a fake.
But these specials do serve one purpose. Bad as they are, you begin to year for the regular TV programming.
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 16, 1981.
