Saturday, December 6, 2014
Happy Pearl Harbor Day, Everybody!
Hurley the Historian says tomorrow’s the 73rd Anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, or as the Obama Administration is calling it, “the Asian Spring,” and The Blower will be trying to ignore political correctness running amok during the Dark Ages of the Divided States of America during Obama 2.0. Now just imagine Obama’s blamestream news coverage if that Pearl Harbor attack happened today.
Maybe that’s why our Quote for Today Committee chose Diane Watson’s “The parallels between 9/11 and Pearl Harbor are striking. In each instance there were warning signs before the attack, and in each instance our government failed to connect the dots.”
- Meanwhile at the White House on Pearl Harbor Day, our Campaigner-in-Chief plans to continue attacking Republicans for not agreeing to fund his illegal Amnesty for future Dishonest DemocRAT Voters. “I’m totally willing to shut the country down again,” Obama says, “and it would a terrible mistake for Congress to go home for the holidays without giving me everything I asked for, while my family and I are away on our 87th over-taxed payer funded holiday vacation in Hawaii.” “I have a mandate,” Obama proclaimed. “All of those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Supporters Who Put Me In The White House—Twice, have clearly spoken.”
Today’s “Liberals Tell The Stupidest Lies” Award Committee hit the jackpot this morning:
Black House DemoCRAT Eleanor Holmes Norton said, “I don’t care about facts in Ferguson Case.” Hakeem Jeffries said, “Ferguson and Staten Island Deaths are a “Backlash” to electing a Black President. The Dumbest Black Man in Congress Hank Johnson read a Race-Baiting “I Can’t Breathe” Poem for Eric Garner on the House Floor. Dishonest DemocRAT Nutty Nancy Pelosi claimed, “There’s a clear-pattern of Racist White cops killing Black Men,” and RINO House Speaker John Boehner said, “I want in on all the race baiting because I’m now open to holding hearings on Michael Brown and Eric Garner. Meanwhile, the United Nations sent a sternly worded letter to the United States demanding that Racist Police not arrest Black People, and a deranged Liberal Moonbat claimed Blacks are allowed to resist arrest because of Slavery. No kidding!”
And did you see how Our Feckless Fishwrappers breathlessly reported how Black “Protesters had returned to downtown for racial equality?” Of course, not a single one of them was arrested, because these criminals were breaking the law to call attention to two Black thugs who had been killed by white police officers elsewhere in the country, totally ignoring those few White criminals who might have died at the hands of Black and White police officers, and especially ignoring the thousands of Black-on-Black murders that continue to be ignored by those promoting the Liberal Agenda.- Finally, CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says at long last “Judgment Day” had finally come to the Hamilton County Courthouse for Convicted Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter, and now everybody knows just how much of her 18-month maximum sentence even-handed Hamilton County Common Pleas Judge Norbert Nadel would be dishing out, but Judge Nadel really earned his money on Friday having to sit there and listen for hours to all those people Traci’s Criminal Lawyer Clyde Bennett paraded in to waste the court’s time unsuccessfully trying to change his mind. There were two reasons Bennett himself talked for so long: First, he was billing by the hour, and second, the longer he talked the longer his convicted client stayed out of jail. Special Prosecutor R. Scott Croswell III said he and co-counsel Merlyn Shiverdecker wouldn’t be wasting much of the court’s time with a lot of phony baloney legal mumbo jumbo, because he knew which way Nadel was going to rule, before Bennett returned for some last minute BS. Best of all, everybody could watch every boring streaming video moment at WCPO TV and Cincinnati.com on his computer at work while his boss wondered why he hadn’t finished any of his overdue assignments.
In spite of The Fishwrap’s predictably ineffective idiototial Groveling for Liberal Leniency to keep Ex-Judge Traci out of Jail, as predicted in yesterday’s Blower, Nadel threw the book at Ex-Judge Traci with his famous “Double Whammy” sentence: six months as a guest of the Hamilton County Injustice Center and a year’s worth of humiliating community service on probation, along with paying court costs. The Blower thought the women’s prison in Marysville might’ve been more appropriate. Judge Nadel also told Ex-Judge Traci should also bring her toothbrush on December 29 at 8:30 AM when she returns to court begin serving her sentence. Bennett already had his Secret Double Whammy Appeal Motion in his pocket, since he’d already filed for a stay of execution. Judge Nadel said he would rule on Bennett’s stay of execution motion early next week, so Bennett could appeal Nadel’s Double Whammy Decision to the Court of Appeals at the same time.
Although The Blower was absolutely 100% positive of Judge Nadel’s Double Whammy Sentence, Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception was prepared with some appropriate alternate artwork, just in case Nadel out, and told Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters that he and Ex-Judge Traci should kiss and make up, but no tongue!
December Daze
The Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau says those Amish Christmas Tree Lights are always the biggest event in Adams County during the Yuletide Season. People drive from all over the tri-state just to see them, and this Saturday the occasion will be even more historic, because Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will be throwing the switch to turn on the display. Call “Bronze Star’s” Office at (513) 474-7777 for a ticket to the VIP Party. Both Jewish families in Adams County will be invited to participate in their homes by lighting candles on their Hanukkah menorahs. 
And with Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and the Conservative Crew from Congress, that event will really rock.
Now for those of you planning to join Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane in attending “Mean Jean” Schmidt’s Annual Christmas Party later this month where she’ll be kicking off her return to politics, let’s all sing the third verse of “Mean Jean’s” Twelve Days of Chrisman, sent in by “Mean Jean’s” former campaign Mangler, Joe “I Managed Scott Croswell’s Failed Campaign Too” Braun, whose Strauss & Troy law firm partners are celebrating this Christmas because they’ve finally been paid for defending “Mean Jean” in Columbus before the Ohio Elections Commission several years ago. It goes something like this:
On the Third Day of Christmas, “Mean Jean” gave to me,
Three Borgman cartoons,
Two red dresses,
And one old crapper, from Rob Portman’s legacy.
Meanwhile, Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane has not yet received his annual Christmas card from Rob “Fighting for Family Photographs” Portman. Could this possibly be just a coincidence?
The political elite in Northern Kentucky are still talking about Wednesday’s Graydon Head Annual Holiday Party at the Fort Mitchell Country Club which has come to be known as the premiere business-holiday event on both sides of the river, made even more prestigious this year without the participation of former Graydon Head attorney Rick “The Batboy” Robinson. Compare that sumptuous soiree with the Chintzy Christmas event being planned by COAST’s Litigious Lawyer Chris Finney, where anybody can get in for free, but you’ll still have to pay for your own food and drinks.
Political Insiders in Northern Kentucky are anxiously awaiting their engraved invitations to our Good Friend Kenton County Commonwealth Attorney E Rob Sanders’ Eighth Annual Office Party. The Robster’s still trying to find a place big enough to accommodate all his friends, especially if the Whistleblower NoKY Legal Dream Team and the Cabal to Destroy “Crazy Eric Deters (including the Lisa Wells WLW Fan Club) decide to have their Holiday events at the same time and place again. What a coincidence that would be.
Thursday at 9:41 PM, it had been exactly one year since Charles Foster Kane’s Long-Time Faux Facebook Friend Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters finally “unfriended” him. Do you think it was something we could’ve written?
ORNAMENTS FOR THE DAMNED: Catholics who defied the Church and will surely burn in hell for voting for Obama can show their support by decorating their homes with Obama ornaments during the holiday season. This one only costs $8.99, plus God-only-knows-how-much for shipping-and-handling from The Obama 2016 Third-Term Re-election Campaign.- AND YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO BE A GOOD HOLIDAY SEASON, because K-Mart just re-ordered more of those Amazing Chabotheads. Kwanza Claus says on there are now only five more shoplifting days until Kwanza. Druids will be celebrating the Winter Solstice on December 21, and Cougars in Fort Mitchell will be trolling for high school boys for some World Orgasm Day revelry.
Now here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.” It’s a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine’s Day. Could we lighten up? Please? Also the company has changed its mind about the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.
Patty
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAYS MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about plans for next week’s Anderson High School’s Class of ‘56 Survivors Christmas Dinner at Red Lobster. It will be a good thing if nobody tries to sell ObamaCare to this group.
The poor sap would be beaten senseless by old ladies with canes. But the best part of the evening will be when one of Kane’s classmates once again shows everybody his class ring that had been returned to him that he thought had been lost forever the night of the Senior Prom. One of his old girlfriend’s doctors found it during a Gynecological Exam.
And REMEMBER: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially those 15 Peaceful Protesters in Cincinnati?
More Conservative Christmas Cartoons
HOLIDAY PARTY HOT LINE
e-mail your engraved invitations today.
Some party crashing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally party crashing subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Comedian Steve Martin Is “The Great Flydini”
Sent in by “Wild and Crazy Judge” Steve Martin, our Faux Facebook Friend who says he would’ve sentenced Convicted Ex-Judge Traci Hunter to do the maximum 18 months in solitary confinement on the Stupid Streetcar.
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“From the Soup Line to the Ridiculous” by James Jay Schifrin
I’ll tell you this…you’ll have to go a long way to find a better promotion than the one last week that brought President Reagan to town for seven minutes.
A lot of people complained about the cost to local taxpayers. But think about the local benefits.
Traffic was snarled and parking was impossible, but at least police for a lot of overtime.
Mayor David Mann assured Cincinnati by his actions that federal funds would be tripled. Usually a dissident Democrat, put aside petty partisan politics and made the chief executive feel right at home.
When asked why his welcoming address was delivered at the soup line protest on Fountain Square, the mayor explained, “I just couldn’t help myself. When I saw all those TV cameras, I just went sort of crazy.”
Not since the Kool Jazz Festival has the Westin Hotel had so much great publicity. La Rosa’s gave pizza to some free-loading White House staff members. And some lucky rich people got out of meeting the President or hearing him speak, but only after paying thousands of dollars for that privilege.
Local politicians weren’t so lucky. Their attendance was mandatory. Somebody was making a list and checking it twice. Those who couldn’t afford $1,000 for dinner had to find some way to sneak in. Most inventive was Patronage County’s own beloved Commissioner Swindle, who posed as a bus boy to gain entrance. Once inside, Swindle was seen stuffing his pockets with appetizers. “Waste not, want not,” Swindle tried to tell a reporter.
But maybe Swindle is right. Any elected official who can afford $1,000 for himself and a guest just to listen to his boss give a speech certainly doesn’t need a pay raise. Not only that, he doesn’t need all that money he’s being paid right now.
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on December 9, 1981.
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