Thursday, December 4, 2014

What a Difference a Year Makes

Think of how much things have changed since last year the first Thursday in December in 2013. It was our Special “Facial Expressions” E-dition, and those pictures of John Cranley were raising a few eyebrows. The Blower never should’ve published that funny-looking picture of Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor with fake eyebrows in that Tuesday’s E-dition, because our little joke seemed to have already gotten way out of hand.

Just look at the picture (on the left) in last year’s Columbus Dispatch. Down at The Fishwrap, Metro Mole said it wouldn’t be long before The Fishwrap threatened to paint some really gay-looking eyebrows on Cranley’s face if he continued to try to ruin Dainty DemocRAT Mark Mallory’s legacy and kill The Fishwrap’s precious Trolley Folly.

Award-Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception says he didn’t paint the funny eyebrows on Cranley’s face. Photo Shop Editorial Spoofer Edward Cropper says he only ridicules national politicians. It must’ve been one of The Whistleblower Interns. Those little scamps. You can’t leave them alone for a minute.

Also on the last year on the first Thursday in December in 2013, CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street said everybody couldn’t stop snickering at Feckless Fishwrapper Perry KimBall’s hideous video report of Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka trying to keep a straigfht face when he claimed investigating Republican Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters’ voting record was “not political.” [WATCH IT HERE]

This year, Tim’s laying low and ducking calls from KimBall about how he thinks Judge Nadel will rule Friday when he sentences Convicted Black DemocRAT Ex-Juvie Judge Traci Hunter, now that Nadel’s ruled she really doesn’t deserve a new trial. The felony Hunter committed carries a maximum prison sentence of 1 1/2 years. Nadel has the discretion to place her on probation, send her to the Hamilton County Justice Center, or to prison. Hamilton County Persecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters suggested an “appropriate sentence,” but told The Blower it’s not for publication.

OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose this from Nadel’s decision: “Hunter has failed to show that she was prejudiced by the juror’s alleged failure to reveal incidents which allegedly occurred approximately forty years ago,” Nadel wrote in today’s decision. “In addition, these incidents never involved any type of criminal charges or convictions.”
IN A RELATED ITEM, SubDeacon Tino Delgato says, “So Tracie Hunter is a pastor/reverend. You know, just like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. I’m thinking about getting one of those Reverend titles on the Internet. I’ve already applied to ‘Saint Mattress on the Springs.’ I like their building fund and motto. No Erection goes up without going down. Go Figure!!!”
LIBERALS TELL THE STUPIDEST LIES: Black Racist DemocRAT Texas Congressman Al Green, who was among several Black Racist lawmakers in Congress who made the “hands up, don’t shoot” gesture on the House floor told Megyn Kelly on Fox News the reason six Blacks lied when they testified Michael Brown had his hands up: “African Americans Can Make Mistakes, Too.”
MAYBE THAT’S WHY WHISTLEBLOWER POLLSTER RON RASMUSSEN says voters aren’t convinced that black Americans are treated unfairly by the police and give Obama lukewarm reviews for his response to the events in Ferguson, Missouri.
WHO’S SORRY NOW? After six years of warming “Taxkiller Tom” Brinkman’s seat in the Ohio House of Representatives, State Rep-tile Peter “the best legislator money could buy” $tautberg is trying to pass a law to let doctors say “I’m sorry” after amputating the wrong leg and not be sued after the mistake. Shouldn’t $tautberg begin by saying “I’m sorry” for being a lazy ineffective legislator and the butt boy of Larcenous Lobbyist Chippy Gerhardt to the over-taxed payers of the 27th district? Amazed Andersonians can hardly believe $tautberg’s been their representative for six whole years.
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1991, Muslim terrorists released American journalist Terry Anderson who’d been held as a hostage for six-and-a-half years in Lebanon. Today, Obama would probably be inviting the terrorists to the holiday tree lighting at the White House. Sunday is the 73rd Anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day, and this year Hurley plans to do something nice for an Oriental person, and if that waitress at the Hibachi Grille says “Sank You,” she better not be talking about our ships.
TYPICAL OBAMA SUPPORTERS TOM AND ROSE are paying no attention to the latest Gallup Poll showing Obama’s incredibly shrinking poll ratings, and spent all afternoon on Cyber-Monday trying to decide which Obama Christmas Ornaments to order online from Obama’s Legacy Campaign Office at the White House.
OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER liked Conan O’Brien’s “Nevada, where prostitution is legal — true story — prostitutes are signing up for ObamaCare. Which explains why the most popular pick-up line in Nevada is, ‘Let me help you with your co-pay.’ “
TODAY, THE WHISTLEBLOWER REPERTORY GROUP proudly presents the Whistleblower Snowball Fight Video, where Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane and Newt are teamed up against Alex T. and the local RINOs. [WATCH IT HERE]
MINORITY REPORT: What’s Kwanzaa Klaus bringing you this year? A healthy dose of political correctness for a totally fabricated holiday.
TRAVEL ADVISORY: If you’re still having trouble finding where Ohio’s Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup will be turning on those Amazing Amish Christmas Tree Lights in Adams County on Saturday, you might check with the Adams County Travel and Visitors Bureau, located east of West Union.
AND IN CLERMONT COUNTY: It’s time for the Crony Chorus to sing the Second Day of “Mean Jean Schmidt’s” Twelve Days of Christmas,” sent in by “Mean Jean’s” Eviler Twin Sister Jennifer Black, after “Mean Jean” was again featured on MTV’s “Awesomely Bad Celebrity Fashions.” It goes something like this:

“On the Second Day of Christmas, ‘Mean Jean’ gave to me,
Two Red Dresses,
And one old Crapper, from Rob Portman’s Legacy.”

Let’s all learn the words so we can sing them at “Mean Jean’s” upcoming Annual Holiday Party later this month.

TODAY’S UNITED APPALL PERSON is diner waitress Emily Frump, who stops in several times a day at the Carolyn Washburn Drop-Inn Center for Extremely Unattractive Nymphomaniacs, another one of the seemingly endless United Appall Agencies serving some of the area’s more unfortunate citizens. Emily hopes the United Appall meets its fund-raising goal next week so she can continue to meet lonely men and satisfy their insatiable sexual cravings. “I just want to be loved,” says Emily. “Is there anything wrong with that?”
HANUKKAH JOKE: Next week is Hanukkah, and Sadie went to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards. She asked the cashier for 50 Hanukkah stamps. What denomination?” replied the cashier. “Please give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform,” Sadie said.
UNTIL THEN, here’s an update on that Company Christmas Party you’ve been reading about in The Blower:

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 4
RE: Holiday Party

So December 21 marks the Winter Solstice… what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi’s prohibit the burning of sage by our “earth-based Goddess-worshiping” employees, but we’ll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band’s breaks. Okay?

Patty

FINALLY, AT TODAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders are wondering why Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane has yet to return from Graydon Head’s Annual “Holiday Reception” at the Fort Mitchell Country Club. One particularly observant Blower reader thought he saw cocktail sauce on Kane’s trademark Whistleblower tie. “That’s right,” Kane admitted. “It’s one of the hazards of eating all that free shrimp.”

And was Graydon Head able to make Jews feel welcome in Northern Kentucky without Rick “The Batboy” Robinson’s ecumenical efforts? We’ll have to see if Kane is invited back to next year’s holiday party.

Next week, we’ll see how welcome Kane’s classmates make him feel at the Anderson High School’s Class of ‘56 Survivors Dinner at Red Lobster. Do you think he’ll need a nametag?

THE SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL

This Week’s Seediest Kid of All is “Gex” Wanker, a bright little 9-year-old Bluegrass boy at Ridgerunner Elementary School, whose cruel classmates taunted him mercilessly, not just because he was years older than the other kindergartners, but because his name “Gex” rhymed with “Sex.”

So the Seediest Kids of All (not associated with the Failed United Way) asked Gex’s parents to choose a more appropriate name to enhance the boy’s self esteem and got their permission to have his name changed legally. They got a prominent Northern Kentucky attorney (not Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters) to go to the courthouse and ask the judge for a paper to take to school so everyone would know his name had been officially changed. “Gex’s” cruel classmates still taunt him mercilessly, even more than before his parents officially changed his name to “Shithead.”

The Wanker family called to express their gratitude for all our help, but it’s really you they have to thank, since it’s your liberal guilt giving throughout the year which makes it all possible.

Rick “the Bat Boy” Robinson says today’s “Seediest Kid of All” is his all-time favorite. Can you figure out why?

SEEDIEST KIDS OF ALL HOT LINE

e-mail your stories about worthy waifs today.

More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans

Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our November fund-raising drive by the Fort Mitchell Country Club, where they’d never seen so many Jews in Kentucky before.

Whistleblower Heartwarming Video of the Day

The Power of Words

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

Whistleblower Newswire

Some of the News They Seem to Lose

Special “Same Time Last Year” E-dition