Saturday, November 29, 2014
Time Out From Shopping
How do we know the holiday season has officially begun? Union goons who weren’t already shopping on Thanksgiving Day were bused in to stores on Friday to protest against employees working on the holiday and get an early start on the season’s shopping chaos. Others wanted to be a first-in-line shopper on the TV news. The Blower remembers when competitive shopping turned into chaos as a Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death in the stampede and a woman miscarried, a woman pepper sprayed other Black-and-Blue Friday shoppers “to gain an upper hand” and mayhem ensued over a $2 waffle maker, a grandmother was shot while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, “A Christmas Story” had already been shown twice on TV, but Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s neighbors whose house is no longer scheduled to be sold at a sheriff’s sale had still not put out their flashing humping reindeer display in their front yard.- This year, Weasel Zippers showed us a video of Black Friday shoppers beating the crap out of each other over underwear (If Obama had another daughter she’d look like the woman with the orange hair). But Isn’t this more like what Thanksgiving Day was meant to be?
Once again, Obama’s Thanksgiving message avoided any direct reference to thanking God, making this the fifth straight year in which the President of the United States has ignored the central message of the holiday in favor of political grandstanding, but what else could you expect from the guy who reduced Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address by two words, “under God.”
Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says only 9% said they had finished their holiday shopping before Black Friday, and this year thrift and consignment shops were helping people be thankful during Obama’s Recession by copying other retailers with gift certificates, elaborate window displays, and early-morning specials. For the first time, some Salvation Army and St. Vincent DePaul resale shops opened at 6 a.m., touting 75%-off early-bird specials on the traditional kickoff of holiday shopping.- Our Compassionate Conservative says St Vincent de Paul ran out of FREE turkey dinners after 1,200 boxes where passed out. The Freebee Store planned to provide boxes to feed 22,000 meals. Tri State churches collected enough turkeys and the fixings to feed 86,000 people. That’s a total of 109,200 FREE THANKSGIVING MEALS. Remember to save your wishbones, Slackers so you can turn them in and get your “FREE it’s for ME” Christmas Dinners next month!
- Actually, the parking lot at the Kroger’s store at the Anderson Food Court has been packed ever since its big grand opening eight years ago and the remodeling in 2008. But that’s only because thousands of shoppers are still wandering around inside the store overwhelmed and bewildered, aimlessly trying to find a quart of milk.
Hurley the Historian says according to media mythology, Black Friday (the Day After Thanksgiving) is NOT a racial holiday. It’s actually one of the busiest shopping days of the year and the beginning of the period where retailers would no longer have losses (in the red) and instead take in the year’s profits (in the black).
But why do retail store owners really call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday?” WLW Hate Radio Racist in Residence Bill Cunningham says it’s because it’s the biggest shoplifting day of the year and Obama Supporters are proud of their bumper stickers that say “I’d rather be stealing.”- Early Bird Shopper Tino Delgato says Kneepad Liberals in the Press wanted today to be called Rainbow Friday. The idea was proposed by one of the great turkeys of all time “Reverend” Jesse Jackson. Tino went to the local Wal-Mart Friday morning. He got very nervous seeing a large group of Black people outside. He thought it might be Demonstrators for the Ferguson Shooting or the shooting of that BB gun toting yoof in another Wal-Mart. But when I saw many carrying out HDTV’s I knew it was only Black Friday. Tino guesses the white folks did their shoplifting at another store. Go Figure!
- Our Quote for Today Committee chose Adrienne Gusoff’s “Shopping is better than sex. If you’re not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.” No wonder Patty Brisbane’s Dildo World is having an after-Thanksgiving Sale on Erotic Turkey Basters.
In the fourth of a series of appearances to spread the word about his Personal Economic Recovery Plan, a Goofy Guy in a Santa Hat showed up again at the corner of Springdale and Colerain Avenue Friday afternoon to wave at passing cars and encourage shoppers to buy goods made in the USA.
Meanwhile, Thursday’s Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade in Anderson was a lot smaller than it was last year, because the event was being boycotted by 75% of the residents with no children in school who were already comparing Forrest Gump School Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s Unaffordable Facilities Plan to ObamaCare.
And if you thought your turkey was stuffed, The Fishwrap more than pleasingly plump this year (if it was actually delivered), with five pounds of Black Friday savings, including a Christmas catalogues from Macy’s, Sears, Walmart, JC Penny, and Menards.- Speaking of Thanksgiving, Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says Bungals fans were not playing here in Thursday’s nationally televised game, because most Ohio State Fans were waiting for today’s big game against Michigan where the Buckeyes will be trying to score a convincing win to keep their hopes alive on their way to the national championship game, or at the very least, a Big Ten Championship and an important bowl game. Now let’s watch Ohio Governor John Kasich’s Trash Talk for “That School Up North.”
Hamilton County Prosecutor “JayWalking Joe” Deters says he isn’t worried about the Hamilton County Board of Elections asking about his “residency” when he voted in the 2012 Elections again this year. Deters’ predecessor Mike Allen offered to represent him, just for old time’s sake. Belligerent Black Blogger Nate “Rhymes With Hate” Livingston has other ideas. CH Snitch at 1000 Main Street says everybody’s wondering if Convicted Black Juvie Judge Traci Hunter’s Criminal Lawyer Clyde Bennett will be representing those 15 #Ferguson Protesters Pro Bono while he’s waiting for Judge Nadel to deny his next motion to delay Traci’s departure to prison. CH guesses it will probably depend on who they roll for judges. If they’re professional protesters, they might call the same guys who represented the folks who went past security at P&G. James “The Rock” Bogen said he would be more than happy to represent any of the protesters who happen to be perverts. Maybe “The Rock” will end up representing the protesters who were jacking off on I-75. No arrests were made at the lame-o gathering of Caucasian Complainters at the Walmart store in Evendale on Friday morning chanting: “Walmart, Walmart, you’re no good. Treat your workers like you should.”
Those words of wisdom by Cincinnati’s Diminutive DemocRAT Mayor-elect John Cranley’s and Jeffery Blackwell, Cincinnati’s Finest Police Chief since Disgraced Former Fourteen Star Police Chief James Craig left for Detroit to the demonstrators weren’t enough to stop them from walking out on I-75. Why in the world were they allowed to “trespass” on one of the busiest expressways in America? Whose decision was this? Every point of entry to the expressway is marked with a sign stating no pedestrian allowed. Isn’t allowing demonstrators onto Interstate 75 a direct violation of federal law (Disruption of interstate Commerce)? Our FOP Snitch says as soon as the demonstration was over, the chief high tailed it to his home in Columbus to celebrate turkey day with his fellow turkeys.- In Moscow, Ohio, Tom Dix says 363 years ago, the Pilgrims celebrated Thanksgiving with the Wampanoag Indians. During the feast, the Pilgrims told the Wampanoag’s that if you like this land you can keep this land. Little did the Indians realize that this was the beginning of a failed immigration policy? Now we know that the pilgrims were, in fact, just lying politicians like we have today.
Now here’s a devastating new video that nails Obama’s lawlessness on Thanksgiving.
The big difference this year at our Very Obama Thanksgiving as nearly one in five households celebrated the holiday on Food Stamps and the price of turkey had skyrocketed to three times the jump of inflation due to Obama’s ethanol mandate, Obama was lecturing America about “justified anger” to excuse all those Lawless Looters in Ferguson, Missouri, as Obama’s Approval Rating among working-class Whites fell to just 27%.- This week, instead of showing us pictures of shoppers getting ready Black Friday to begin the Christmas Shopping Season, we’d been watching the News Media’s “Brown Monday Riots” that had been continuously orchestrated for months by Obama Supporters in the Press. Police in Ferguson, who were thoroughly intimidated by Obama’s Attorney General, the FBI, and the Department of Justice, permitted chaos and mayhem to ensue, including robbery, looting, burning the city, gunfire, and even shooting police officers, as Obama’s Race-Baiter-in-Chief Al Sharpton and Attorney General Eric Holder assured looters amnesty and a thorough civil rights investigation. And wouldn’t it be ironic if most of those businesses destroyed in Ferguson were Minority Owned?
People Who Actually Care About Civil Rights say burning down the downtown business district, including a Payless shoe store and a couple beauty supply stores, and looting all of the Air Jordans and hair weaves is a hell of a way to show that you care about a dead 18 year old.- Jay Leno says in 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day — thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything.
- Conservative Curmudgeon Stu Mahlin can’t believe The Fishwrap actually published Obama’s phony baloney Thanksgiving Day Message Thursday on page A-16 to allow the Empty Suit in the Oval Office by virtue of the authority vested in him by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, to thereby proclaim Thursday, November 27, 2014, as a National Day of Thanksgiving. At least it wasn’t Cincinnati Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback Tweeting about how he got stuffed on Thanksgiving.
- This year on Thanksgiving, Ohio may still appealing Liberal Whacko Judge Tim Black’s ruling in favor of COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case to allow those same politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns, but it’s certainly something all politicians are thankful for all the days of their lives.
- Survivors of the Anderson High School Class of 1956 were thankful they made it through Thanksgiving, and will be checking the on-line coupons for Red Lobster before their next meeting on December 10. Speaking of Over Eating on Thanksgiving, let’s all try to remember what happened when “Mr. Creosote Blew Himself Up.”
And now that everyone is done stuffing himself, PFC Kadon (who just finished latrine duty) reminds us that many of those Veterans we prayed for while eyeing the gravy boat, are falling through the cracks of the job training and educational programs set up by the VA, wonders whatever the hell happened to that legislation Bill his old friend from St. Mary School, Ohio Second District Congressman “Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup introduced 18 months ago to provide clarification regarding eligibility for services under the Homeless Veterans Reintegration Program. Mrs. PFC who outranks him at home says she’s hoping Kadon would use this program to learn how to pick up his socks!
At Thursday’s Meeting of the Conservative Agenda, everybody was sitting around listening to the traditional telling of the Legend of Squanto and there was so much good food to eat, by the time you were done, you felt like a python who’d just swallowed a goat.- Political Insiders enjoying the Thanksgiving Feast couldn’t stop asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane about the special Thanksgiving e-mails wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving he’d received from all those really sincere politicians.
Down at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, Alex T., Mall COP GOP said Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday because he was “thankful for a wonderful family and so many friends and supporters who worked tirelessly this past election season.” Amazingly, that was the exact same sentence he’s used every year for the past three years in his Thanksgiving Day e-mail. No kidding!
So while our Ohio winner of The Blower’s 2013 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurants was getting served by one of Alex T.’s many Republican candidates who’ve gotten slaughtered on Election night over the years, it was only fitting and proper that “Old Blue Face” was honored for winning the Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest six of the past seven years.
But a funny thing happened on the way to the 2014 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest this year. Our Persons of Consequence got with the program and actually nominated some new Turkeys for this year’s Turkey Shoot.- Turkey-stuffing Tino Del Gato was among our 4,482 Cincinnati POCs who nominated Disgraced Dainty DemocRAT Former Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory to be Cincinnati’s 2014 Turkey of the Year for the gifts that keep in giving—make that—taking (the Trolley Folly and Mahogany’s), not to mention the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center (Mallory’s Triple Crown of wasted monies).
In Norther Kentucky, although the members of the Cabal Cabal Of NoKY Attorneys Still Out To Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, Including Lovely Lisa Wells (The Attorney Who Replaced Crazy Eric On WLW Hate Radio) were still rooting for a “Three-Peat” for “Crazy Eric,” outraged TEA Party Patriots flooded us with ballots for Co-winners Matt Bevan, who was humiliated when he ran against U.S. Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell in the Republican Primary, and Ditzy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes, who embarrassed herself and every Dishonest DemocRAT in Kentucky when she couldn’t even admit she’d voted for Obama in 2008 and 2012.
In Anderson, where everybody’s still wondering if that missing memento was ever returned after Joe and Lorraine Mayernik allowed their house to be used for a soiree to celebrate the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying), 75% of the residents with no children in school who are already comparing Forrest Gump School Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s Unaffordable Facilities Plan to ObamaCare, all nominated “Smiling Dallas” for the Whistleblower’s 2014 Turkey of the Year Contest, especially after they saw pictures of him campaigning during school hours on November 3 in front of Beechmont Towne Center.
Meanwhile, members of The Anderson Township Republican Party and the Anderson TEA Party wanted The Blower to be certain to acknowledge Anderson Township Trustee Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas for their part in passing the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam. Gerth was seen publicly supporting the Tax Hike Scam in this video and Pappas’ name was included in that full-page ad of Tax Scam Supporters.
Most people thought Anderson Township was politically “Conservative.” The Blower says it looks stupidly liberal, in reality. Some people are beginning to wonder when Gerth and Pappas will officially announce they’ve switched political parties. Our fiscally conservative, less tax, less government, TEA Party endorsed these two RINO Anderson Township Trustees, who after less than a year in office couldn’t support a massive bond and tax levy increase from the Forest Hills School District fast enough. But it’s only three years until their next election. Who will remember anyway?
That’s why Angry Andersonians were happy to nominate Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas to be part of the Township’s Turkey Troika. Gobble, Gobble!
Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo says Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Did It Take Them So Long to Disbar Me $tan Che$ley, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters didn’t have much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day either.
Not only was the Northern Kentucky not the repeat winner after winning The Blower’s 2012 and 2013 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contests sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurants, but that Cabal of NoKY Attorneys Out to Destroy “Crazy Eric” was still mocking the loudmouth lawyer for abandoning his libel lawsuit against The Blower, because on October 27, 2011, after nearly fourteen months of intense litigation, Attorney Eric C. Deters finally dismissed his lawsuit with prejudice and Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane is now shown preparing the brine last year for our Northern Kentucky Turkey of the Year.
Speaking of so-called celebrities who don’t know how to run restaurants, Willie’s “Hepatitis-Free” Sports Cafe on Crescent Avenue in Covington will finally close today. Didn’t Willie’s Root Beer Palace in Madeira just go out of business last week?
One of the Northern Kentucky runners-up this year was Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson, who had planned to pass out copies of his official Whistleblower Turkey Nomination Illustration at his annual Graydon Head “Hannukah Party” on December 3 at the Fort Mitchell Country Club, but we’re not so sure who’ll be making Jews Feel Welcome in Northern Kentucky this year, since Rick is no longer with that prestigious law firm.
Until then, we have a new video today where you can see Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane reminding everybody not to forget “The Whistleblower Motto” during the Obama’s holiday season. [WATCH IT HERE]
REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
More Conservative Political Cartoons
Finally, just for fun, Our Good Friend Bobby Leach says let’s all listen to Stan Freberg’s classic “Green Christmas,” just to put things into their proper perspective.
Top Ten List
Today it’s the Top Ten things The Blower was grateful for this Thanksgiving Day:
10. The First Amendment.
9. Seeing the local RINO Party get exactly what it deserved again on Election Day one more time. In 2008, our prediction came and Hamilton County turned 40 shades of “Blue,” in 2009 and 2010 those bozos were still wandering in the wilderness, and in 2011, their humiliation was nearly complete, and in 2012 their disgrace became absolute.
8. Political correctness still running amok.
7. Politicians and lovely ladies from all over wanting to buy our lunch.
6. Our snitches are everywhere.
5. Lazy, stupid, and dishonest Fishwrappers letting The Blower scoop them every day.
4. Folks in Northern Kentucky still stealing all that business from Ohio.
3. The ACLU and the many members of the Whistleblower Legal Dream Team, for keeping us out of trouble for the past twenty years; Award-winning Photo Illustrators like Artis Conception and Edward Cropper; and those guys from “Not the Fishwrap” who help us comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
2. All those folks who keep trying to offer The Blower all that money to advise them on their political campaigns.
…and the Number One thing The Blower was grateful for this Thanksgiving is… All those Gluttons for Punishment who make it easy for us to exercise Our Beloved Whistleblower Motto.
Let’s all say it together: “Because wherever there’s corruption, we’ll be there. Wherever there’s injustice, we’ll be there. And wherever there’s a bunch of big guys beating up on a little guy, we’ll be there too…holding the little guy down.”
And Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially those 15 Peaceful Protesters in Cincinnati?
TURKEY LEFTOVERS HOT LINE
e-mail your grandma’s favorite recipes today
Some long-wattled items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally long-wattled subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Lewis Black Hammers Black Friday ‘Tax’ as ‘Most Anti-American Thing I’ve Ever Heard’
plus
Sarah Palin Explains The Turkey Interview
Thanksgiving
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
Fit to be Tied” by James Jay Schifrin
Last Monday in Patronage County, I went to the courthouse to bribe a commissioner.
The receptionist stopped doing her nails. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Commissioner Pilfer is on vacation, Commissioner Filch is out of town, and Commissioner Swindle will be tied up all day.”
On Tuesday, the receptionist cut short a personal phone call. “I’m sorry,” she smiled. “Commissioner Pilfer is on vacation, Commissioner Filch is out of town, and Commissioner Swindle will be tied up all day.”
Wednesday, I interrupted her morning nap. “I’m sorry,” she yawned. “Commissioner Pilfer is on vacation, Commissioner Filch is out of town, and Commissioner Swindle will be tied up all day.”
The same thing happened Thursday. The only difference was that she had to put down her “Playgirl” magazine to tell me Commissioners Pilfer and Filch were away, and Commissioner Swindle would be tied up all day.
By Friday, I’d had enough. “No excuses today!” I demanded, even before she could put down her coffee cup.”I understand Commissioner Pilfer is still on vacation and Commissioner Filch is out of town. But I won’t believe you when you tell me Commissioner Swindle will be tied up all day.”
“I’m sorry sir, but it’s all true,” she said. “Whenever Commissioners Pilfer and Filch are out of the office, they always tie up Commissioner Swindle before they leave.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on November 26, 1980.
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