Thursday, November 27, 2014
Just because today’s supposed to be a holiday doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of snitching and bitching going on. You bet! As the official publication for all that scrambling, speculation, mud-slinging, and back-stabbing in the tri-state, our readers have every right to expect nothing less.
Let’s Get Ready to Gobble
At yesterday’s meeting of the Conservative Agenda, Political Insiders couldn’t stop congratulating Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane because our Persons of Consequence got with the program and actually nominated some new Turkeys for our 2014 Whistleblower Turkeys of the Year Contest (sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurant), instead of doing what they did in 2013, when every one of the 17,648 noxious nominations we received was for the same winners we had in 2012 — Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP in Ohio and Eric “Call Me Crazy, Big Mouth, Most Sanctioned, Ambulance Chaser, No Count of a Radio Host, Shameless Self Promoter, Willie Wannabe, Why Did It Take So Long For Me To Be Disbarred, Who Likes Bulldogs and Failed Roadhouse Operator” Deters in Kentucky. Everybody said there were just no bigger turkeys in the tri-state than “Old Blueface” in Ohio and Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters in Kentucky, and the consensus was unanimous— “There Was No Term Limits for Turkeys of the Year.”- But this year, a funny thing happened on the way to the 2014 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest. Our Persons of Consequence got with the program and actually nominated some new Turkeys for this year’s Turkey Shoot.
IN CINCINNATI: Turkey-stuffing Tino Del Gato was among our 4,482 Cincinnati POCs who nominated Disgraced Dainty DemocRAT Former Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory to be Cincinnati’s 2014 Turkey of the Year for the gifts that keep in giving—make that—taking (the Trolley Folly and Mahogany’s), not to mention the Empty Uppity Oprah Winfrey Campaigning for Obama, Under-funded, Ugly-ass Poorly-Planned Unnagraown Rayroe Museum Not-so-Free-dom Center (Mallory’s Triple Crown of wasted monies).
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Although the members of the Cabal Cabal Of NoKY Attorneys Still Out To Destroy Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters, Including Lovely Lisa Wells (The Attorney Who Replaced Crazy Eric On WLW Hate Radio) were still rooting for a “Three-Peat” for “Crazy Eric,” outraged TEA Party Patriots flooded us with ballots for Co-winners Matt Bevan, who was humiliated when he ran against U.S. Senate Minority Leader Bitch McConnell in the Republican Primary, and Ditzy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes, who embarrassed herself and every Dishonest DemocRAT in Kentucky when she couldn’t even admit she’d voted for Obama in 2008 and 2012. 
IN ANDERSON, where everybody’s still wondering if that missing memento was ever returned after Joe and Lorraine Mayernik allowed their house to be used for a soiree to celebrate the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying), 75% of the residents with no children in school who are already comparing Forrest Gump School Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson’s Unaffordable Facilities Plan to ObamaCare, all nominated “Smiling Dallas” for the Whistleblower’s 2014 Turkey of the Year Contest, especially after they saw pictures of him campaigning during school hours on November 3 in front of Beechmont Towne Center.
Meanwhile, members of The Anderson Township Republican Party and the Anderson TEA Party wanted The Blower to be certain to acknowledge Anderson Township Trustee Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas for their part in passing the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam. Gerth was seen publicly supporting the Tax Hike Scam in this video and Pappas’ name was included in that full-page ad of Tax Scam Supporters.
Most people thought Anderson Township was politically “Conservative.” The Blower says it looks stupidly liberal, in reality. Some people are beginning to wonder when Gerth and Pappas will officially announce they’ve switched political parties. Our fiscally conservative, less tax, less government, TEA Party endorsed these two RINO Anderson Township Trustees, who after less than a year in office couldn’t support a massive bond and tax levy increase from the Forest Hills School District fast enough. But it’s only three years until their next election. Who will remember anyway?
That’s why Angry Andersonians were happy to nominate Josh Gerth and Andy Pappas to be part of the Township’s Turkey Troika. Gobble, Gobble!
Things that Sound Dirty on Thanksgiving
“She’s a gobbler!”- “That’s one terrific spread!”
- “Care for a little more dark meat, Jungle Fever Boy?”
- “Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.”
- “Talk about a huge breast!”
- “It’s Cool Whip time!”
- “Mind if I undo my pants, Becky?”
- “Are you ready for seconds yet?”
“Are you going to come again next time?”- “It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?”
- “Just wait your turn, Mike, you’ll get some!”
- “Stop playing with your meat, grandpa.”
- “Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.”
- “Can you handle all these people at once?”
- “I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!”
- “You still have a little bit on your chin.”
- “Use a smooth stroke when you whip it.”
- “And he forces his way into the end zone!”
- “Just reach in and grab the giblets.”
- “How long will it take after you stick it in?”
- “You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.”
- “I didn’t think I could handle all of that!”
- “How many of you are coming?”
- “Smell this!”
- “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!”
- “Lay back and take it easy…I’ll do the rest.”
- “How long do I beat it before it’s ready?”
- “Did anybody find a condom in the stuffing?”
- “If I don’t unbutton my pants, I’ll burst!”
- “It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.”
- …And the number on thing that sounds dirty on Thanksgiving is… “Succotash!”
Let’s Hear It for Cholesterol
Today is Thanksgiving, and we’re all getting ready to celebrate our National Day of Gluttony, when we can disregard all those health problems caused by obesity.
Remember, cranberry breath: when all those fat-assed people eat themselves to death, that’ll just mean there’ll be more turkey and stuffing for the rest of us.
Now here’s something else even Fox News is afraid to present: “OJ’s Turkey Carving Tips”
Now let’s all watch the Pilgrims Story, brought to you by the Whistleblower Players
Seediest Kids of All
The Whistleblower’s 64th Annual Seediest Kids of All Campaign (not associated with the Failed United Way) began earlier this week.
We’re featuring some truly inspirational stories about the waifs and urchins we claim to have helped in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, just so you’ll believe we actually give a big rat’s ass.
Why don’t we have a more traditional holiday guilt campaign like the rest of the news media? No charity made our publisher its president in exchange for free publicity and our endorsement, we don’t have a fat weatherman turned radio talk-show host who was never actually convicted of beating up his girlfriend, and all the really good dead celebrities other than Harriet Beecher Stowe, “Clean Gene” Ruehlmann, and “BeanBall Jim” Bunning have already been taken.
Today, our “Seediest Kids of All” campaign (not affiliated with the Failed United Way) continues by updating the sad story of Louis “Porky” Dorkman, now 29, an adorable little 288-lb. illegitimate waif. Porky’s mother, who just lost her job at the County Food Stamps Office just in time for Thanksgiving, stood in line yesterday for six hours at the FreeBee Store behind Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex Triantafillou, Fat Pat Barry, Clueless Marc Wilson, Soon-to-Be-Fired Fired Fishwrappers, and all those dumbed-down, self-absorbed, media-influenced, celebrity-obsessed, politically-correct, uninformed, short-attention-span Obama voters who will be soon be laid off when their employers are forced to downsize because of Obamacare, to bring home 28 packages of Twinkies, a box of Wilfred Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Oatmeal Turkey Stuffing Mix, and a picture of a Thanksgiving turkey. The news media failed to make you feel guilty enough, so again this year, there still weren’t enough real turkeys to go around.
Finally, Bunky Tadwell, the Bard of Cleves took time out in the kitchen from whipping up a batch of Wilford Brimley’s Erotic Stuffing Mix for Thanksgiving to dash off a couple of early Turkey Day odes:
Too much turkey
And cranberry jelly
Too little trousers
To cover my belly
To get government job
Is my hope
Then go to the airport
To get a grope.
EROTIC TURKEY BASTING TIPS HOT LINE
e-mail your romantic recipes to the Blower’s Cooking Show Hostess Marilyn “Turkey Neck” Harris today.
More Proud Sponsors and Avid Fans
Today’s edition is brought to you by a generous “in-kind” donation during our November fund-raising drive by the Freebee Store, because of all that extra business they’re getting from all those unemployed people during the Obama Recession.
Whistleblower Thanksgiving Day Video
“Thanksgiving Overture”
Plus
THANKSGIVING XBOX COMMERCIAL – VERY FUNNY
The TSA puts the fun back into flying
Happy Thanksgiving -Funny Ad Robert De Nero
Beware of the TRYPTOPHAN!
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
