Tuesday, November 25, 2014        

Real E-Mails from Real Subscribers

• On tomorrow’s date in 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill officially establishing the fourth Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day, but don’t be surprised if somehow Obama tries to take credit. — Hurley the Historian
• And on Thanksgiving, we’ll be choosing Ronald Reagan’s “Perhaps no custom reveals our character as a Nation so clearly as our celebration of Thanksgiving Day. Rooted deeply in our Judeo-Christian heritage, the practice of offering thanksgiving underscores our unshakable belief in God as the foundation of our Nation and our firm reliance upon Him from Whom all blessings flow.” —Your Quote for Today Committee
• But this Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for America’s Imperial Presidency Moment last Thursday, when Emporer-in-Chief Obama embarked on a scorched-earth rampage that will change the face of America forever by declaring Illegal Executive Amnesty to turn Illiterate Illegal Immigrants into DemocRAT Voters. —The White House
• And this Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower will be covering the upcoming 786 Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached, after all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Obama Voters Who Put Obama In The White House—Twice, ensured that the Divided States of America would have a government it truly deserves. —The Conservative Agenda 
• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for socialized medicine, wealth redistribution, anti-gun judges, higher taxes, open borders, and class warfare, but especially all that FREE STUFF! —Obama’s Moochers and Slackers
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be accusing Obama of “pimping” for the poultry industry with his annual pardoning of the official Thanksgiving turkey, but not condemning the killing of 45 million birds for the annual American feast.—PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)
• This Thanksgiving, will failure continue to stalk Obama? We remember last year when we reported all eight Turkeys he’d previously pardoned on Thanksgiving had died. —ABC News
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if PMSNBC finally doesn’t have to discipline another host like they had to do last year when they fired Martin Bashir for saying he’d like to see somebody “Shit in my Mouth!” —Sarah Palin
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be complaining that we didn’t get an ObamaCare Carve Out like Congress did. —Obama’s Buddies in Big Labor
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for Obama’s Justice Department and all those Obama Supporters in the Press looking the other way. —DemocRAT Vote Frauders
• This Thanksgiving, the GOP doesn’t have to fear a government shutdown over immigration because last year’s 2013 shutdown over Obamacare didn’t hurt our party at the polls. —Texas TEA Party Senator Ted Cruz
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for COAST’s Avaricious Attorney Chris Finney’s case which allowed politicians the “Right to Lie” during political campaigns. —Ohio DemocRATS  
• This Thanksgiving, the economy is so bad CNN and PMSNBC will have to lay off hundreds more Obama spokesmen. —Jay Leno
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if nobody remembers my promise to resign after Romney lost the election. —WLW Hate Radio Trash Talker Bill Cunningham
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful if every Real Republican in Hamilton County hasn’t asked me to resign. —Hamilton County RINO Party Boss Alex T. Mall Cop GOP
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful I didn’t have a real opponent in last year’s primary elections. —“Bronze Star Brad” Wenstrup
• This Thanksgiving, I’d be thankful if The Blower didn’t point out I’d already changed my views on Obama’s Illegal Amnesty before the election. —Ohio RINO Governor Kasich-Taylor
• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful some people are still coming to our meetings. —Clermont County TEA Partiers
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I found a job teaching politics at Chatfield College, wherever the hell that is. —“Mean Jean” Schmidt
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful to all those rich white donors who gave me all that money to piss away as a Black Republican trying to win in a Black Ohio State Senate District. —Charlie Windbag
• This Thanksgiving, I’m still thankful for all those Streetcar Fanatics who won me my mayorship against the assumed favorite Foxy Roxy, although I haven’t heard much from them after those Disloyal DemocRATS I helped get elected to City Clown-cil stabbed me in the back. —Diminutive DemocRAT Cincinnati Mayor John Cranley
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful I was only convicted on one of the nine counts. — Convicted Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter
• This Thanksgiving, we’re glad the City’s Over-Taxed Payers didn’t force us to co-sign for that million dollars Dainty DemocRAT Mayor Mark Mallory helped Mahogany’s Liz Rogers scam from the City. —The Soul Food Six (Clown-sale Members Wendell Young, Charlie Winburn, Rich Heiress Boy Alexander Paul George Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, Laure “Not So” Cleanlivin’, and Cecil Thomas)
• This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we were elected to four-year terms. —The Stupid Streetcar Six (Clown-cil Members Flynn Flam” are Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback, P.G. Sittenfeld, Yvette Simpson, and Wendell Young, along with Vice Mayor David Mann)
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for DemocRATS at the Hamilton County Board of Elections for trying to help me find 862 votes to keep my seat on Cincinnati City Clown-cil, not that it did any good, since Foxy Roxy and I rode the Stupid Streetcar straight to defeat. —Laure “Not So Cleanlivin”
• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for the Chicago Cubs who prevented the Reds from finishing in last place. —Cincinnati Reds Season Ticket Holders
• This hanksgiving, I’m glad I live in the Queen City. —City Clown-cil Gay Chris Squealback
• This Thanksgiving, as I plan my 2016 Presidential campaign, I’m glad my political future will be forever tied to same-sex marriage. —Rob “Fighting for Squealbacks” Portman
• This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we still have jobs. —Those Few Fishwrappers Who Haven’t Been Fired Yet  
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful the 75% of residents with no children in school aren’t already comparing my Unaffordable Facilities Plan to ObamaCare before they figure out they’ve been “Gruber-Jacksoned.” It will be every bit as ugly as ObamaCare, but it will hit much closer to home. —Forrest Gump School Superintendent “Smiling Dallas” Jackson
• This Thanksgiving, we’re glad we’ve not yet been notified someone has nominated us for the Whistleblower’s 2014 Turkey of the Year Contest. —Anderson Township Trustee Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas 
• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful more mementos didn’t get filched when we allowed our house to be used for a soiree to celebrate the Forrest Gump School District’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying). —Joe & Lorraine Mayernik
• This Thanksgiving, we’d be happy if John Boehner, and Republicans in Congress would stop compromising and start impeaching. —Firebrands at Grasstops USA
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for all those patriots signing our petitions. —Secessionists for a Divided America
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful for your liberal guilt giving throughout the year that makes all of our programs possible. —The Seediest Kids of All
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be thankful The Blower plans to publicize all of our efforts to help the losers of life’s lottery. —United Appall People
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful for all my snitches in Northern Kentucky. —Ken CamBoo
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful I still have all that TEA Party support. —Bitch McConnell
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful Race Baiter Al Sharpton posed for a selfie with me in the Senate Dining Room last Thursday. —Rand Paul
• This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful there’s no longer a local lawyer dumb enough to file frivolous lawsuits against me all the time. —Our Good Friend, Kenton County Commonwealth’s Attorney E. Rob Sanders
• This Thanksgiving, I hope my mysterious infection clears up. —Eric “Call Me Crazy” Deters
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll be thankful my name hasn’t been in The Blower too much lately. —Michael Liquid Plummer
• This Thanksgiving, the best part about Thanksgiving Day dinner with your family in Kentucky is when you get to pump-kin. —Ben Dover and Phil McKrevis
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll still be confused about Wilford Brimley’s Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips. If you hold tight to each of the turkey’s legs, what do you use to mash in the stuffing? —Horny in Hebron
• This Thanksgiving, as usual we’re giving thanks for Cincinnati City Clown-cil. —Bluegrass Developers
• This Thanksgiving at our company Thanksgiving Day dinner we’ll be serving Turkey Tacos. —Fischer Homes
• This Thanksgiving, will Scott “Pass the Drumsticks” Kimmich and I still be banned from the Golden Corral buffet? —Clueless Marc Wilson
• This Thanksgiving, be sure to wipe off your turkey-baster before your wife re-uses it. —Goof Doofus
• This Thanksgiving, don’t stuff your turkey with anything but dressing. —Rick “The BatBoy” Robinson
• This Thanksgiving, would people show up if we raced turkeys? —Turfway Park
• Turkeys don’t fly? —Les Nessman, WKRP
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be serving green turkey bologna sandwiches at the Kenton County Escape Center. —Terry “The Smiling Jailer” Carl
• This Thanksgiving, we’ll be showing “Turkeys from Outer Space.” —Flashlight Theatre
• This Thanksgiving, I’ll thankful for all those turkeys on Vanilla Hills City Clown-cil who ignored all the evidence and let me keep my job. Don’t forget tomorrow is the last day to pay property taxes at the City Office without a penalty.  —Miscreant Mayor Mike Martin
• They call it Thanksgiving because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. —Bobby Leach
• Why isn’t my birthday celebrated as a national holiday? — Squanto
• Which would you like on Thanksgiving: a little “suc,” or a little “tash?” —Phyllis on Madison
• We’re thankful for all those people who e-mailed their nominations to our 2014 Biggest Turkey of the Year Award Contest. —Dummy’s Restaurant
• The best part about Thanksgiving dinner at the station is when we grab Trish “The Dish’s” legs and Trish says, “Make a wish.” —TV 19 Photographers
• You guys can’t fool me. That’s another dirty joke, right? —TV 5’s Sheree Paolello

Remember: We never print all the bad stuff we know and certain people ought to be damn glad we don’t, especially some of the 2014 Turkey of the Year Nominees.

   — Whistleblower Official Weekly Disclaimer—      

         Sometimes The Blower makes fun of food fetishes to show that fornicating your food is bad table manners and will not be tolerated in our society. This should be clear to anybody who isn’t a Foodfuker.  

          This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead without satirical intent is purely coincidental — especially “WILFORD BRIMLEY,” whose Erotic No-Hands Turkey Stuffing Tips are always a holiday favorite for many of our Pervert Subscribers.

WILFORD BRIMLEY HOT LINE

e-mail your stuffing tips today.

Some turkey stuffing items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally turkey stuffing subscribers.

                    WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY                       

Thanksgiving Dinner: Will It Blend?

Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.

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