Saturday, November 8, 2014
Republicans Need to Bury Obama, Not to Praise Him
WHISTLEBLOWER SENIOR NATIONAL POLITICAL AFFAIRS ANALYST BRITT HUMUS is concerned about all those Republicans still congratulating themselves about winning all those seats in the House and Senate Tuesday night, because the GOP didn’t win the Senate, the Dysfunctional DemocRATS lost it.
But what everybody’s really surprised about so far is that Boehner and McConnell haven’t caved in to Obama yet, because Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says the ink’s scarcely dry on Tuesday’s ballots, and most voters (59%) already expect the new Republican majority in Congress will let them down. Friday, according to the Washington Free Beacon, White House Chief of Staff Denis McDonough told PMSNBC’s Chris Jansing that under a new Republican-led Congress, Washington will “work better,” as long as Obama gets his way.
Locally, Troubled Over-Taxed Payer Tino Delgato says only the City of Cincinnati would hire a $120,000-per-year “Performance Boss” to try figure out how the City could save a little spare change. They made this move after spending $133 million on Folly Trolley Folly that will never be self sustaining. The first thing he should suggest is to get rid of his job $120K job. Go Figure!!!
Whistleblower Senior Spoiled Sports Editor Andy FurBall says that guy’s first suggestion should be finding all that money the City was planning to rake in during The 2014 Bungals’ playoff games. Bookies at the Pete Rose Betting Parlor say, “if you had the Bungals and 20 ½ points against Browns Thursday night, you still lost” because Marvin’s Misfits played like the Defeated DemocRATS did on Tuesday night.
One Bungals Basher says Andy Dalton was so bad and the Bungals were so uncompetitive it couldn’t be considered a “game.” Therefore, the Bungals need to give season ticket holders a discount. Sad that my husband shells out $540 for tickets each game. The dumb team isn’t in Cincinnati until December!
Andy Dalton is probably sorry he didn’t buy a house in the wilderness instead of Mt. Lookout. Too many fans can drive by and tomato his mailbox!
Tino Delgato says the Bungals have asked the NFL if they can avoid any 2015 “Prime Time” games ala Thursday, Sunday night, or Monday night. They might want to consider playing all their 2015 games in London. Go Figure!!!
FOLKS WITH A REAL REASON TO CELEBRATE THIS WEEK included Citizens for Community Values. All five state-elected officials, Governor Kasich, Attorney General Mike DeWine, Auditor Dave Yost, Treasurer Josh Mandel, and Secretary of State Jon Husted won by landslide margins. Their opponents failed to receive higher than the 38% same-sex union supporters received in the 2004 election, having made that issue central to their campaigns.
And if that wasn’t enough, the wheels were blown off the Gay Marriage Bandwagon on Thursday, when a three-judge panel of the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals stunningly affirmed the rights of voters in four states – Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio and Tennessee – to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman, throwing a boulder into the millpond of complacent assumptions by homosexual-rights advocates that same-sex marriage is a given across the United States.
The Blower says, it’s amazing how Kneepad Liberals in the Press call it a “same-sex ban,” rather than what it is: support for a Constitutional law defining the age-old and completely natural institution of marriage between one man and one woman as the law of the land, as if it weren’t the natural law of the species in the first place, and we mean “ALL species,” too!
Speaking of Sodomy, CCV Action has indicated that, based on recent Ohio political history and political landscape, Senator Rob “Fighting for Fagellas” Portman will not win re-election in 2016. Phil Burr-ass’ Bunch predicts that if PC Portman runs for re-election, Ohio will once again end up with two pro-abortion, pro same-sex unions DemocRAT U.S. Senators.
TURKEY OF THE YEAR CONTEST: Down at Hamilton County RINO Party Headquarters, everybody’s still congratulating Party Boss Alex T., Mall Cop GOP for not screwing things up quite as much as he’s done during past elections, not including ex-judge Stich and wannabe judge Miller. Maybe folks were remembering 2011 when his “Vote for Five” Jive resulted in only one Republican on Cincinnati City Clowncil. Last year Alex even forgot to find a mayoral candidate. Do you think Alex again qualifies for our 2014 Whistleblower Turkey of the Year Contest, sponsored by Dummy’s Restaurants? [SEE OUR 2011 TURKEY OF THE YEAR VIDEO HERE]
Some other local folks who might qualify include: Julie Matheny, You Ignorant Slut: excellent job on another humiliating defeat! Thanks for helping drive UP Republican turnout with your latest idiotic stunt. As if anyone was supposed to care that a few angry old white men and the great Campaign Expert Matheny supported Kram-ass. All you did was remind real Republicans how important it was for us to turn out.
And to Royal Doyle, enjoy your last days as Springdale Mayor. If you don’t have the good sense to step down voluntarily, we’ll take you out ourselves. Our Sharonville Snitch took a ride throughout his town on Thursday. All political signs were gone with the exception the 40 or 50 posted by “Leave It To Dever” and his buddies.
And Steve Chabothead, don’t get cocky. You won with no campaign efforts besides your own but in 2016 you’ll need to raise money and turn out volunteers. Maybe Whiz Kid Jamie Schwartz isn’t up to the task. Try hiring a professional instead of a college student who wouldn’t dare miss a Sigma Chi photo op rather than campaign for you.
Ask Zac Haines and Mike Mezher about how great Jamie Schwartz is.
Hey Carl Stich, there is more to campaigning than going to Republican Geriatric club meetings and talking to a dozen blue hairs from a distance in your suit. Trying raising money and talking to the voters next time.
Courthouse insiders giddy over three judgeships that will be appointed. The same critics of the GOP on the Right who tried to mount an under-vote protest of that RINO Kasich showed themselves to be politically impotent Tuesday night. We’re looking at you Ted Stevenot, and whoever is in charge of the Warren County GOP this month.
Every loud mouth know-it-all who criticized every move the GOP made without doing a damned thing themselves is now convinced that the results of smashing DemocRAT losses in 2014 means Hilary Clinton will certainly win the presidency in 2016.
Biggest loser? Not Campaign Expert Matheny whose Bungal-esque losing streak continues after her boy Micah Kram-ass went down to epic defeat. Instead, the biggest loser is David A. Pepper who spent millions of his daddy’s and mommy’s money on a landslide defeat. If he wants to keep wasting money on DemocRAT losers, there’s an opening to run for state DemocRAT Party Chairmanship.
Unfortunately the results of 2014 vindicate the half-hearted efforts of the Hamilton County GOP with its moonlighting DemocRAT operative executive director, its aspiring socialite finance director who finds hobnobbing with people whose checks don’t include a comma to be a bit beneath her, and its dense office manager who will never grasp the concept that elected officials have to, by law, run completely separate campaign operations at locations other than their official office. While it may be halftime in Ohio, it’s been half- time at the Hamilton County GOP for the past decade.
And for sure, there’s a lot for Conservatives not to celebrate after Tuesday’s elections, especially after people in Ohio, who claimed they wanted less government, voted to send even more money to local governments and tax themselves even more!
- AT THE FIRST FRIDAY LUNCHEON HOSTED BY CHIPPY GERHARDT, did our Larcenous Lobbyist really give a public blow job to Jens Sutmoller for his great efforts passing the FCPS levy and the Drake levy? Chip also reminded Republicans how wrong they were about the Windbag’s race, but no such approbation was given to all the DemocRATS who were SO SURE Charlie Luken would be probate judge.
Hamilton County Demo-Labor Party Boss Tim Burka realized something no Republican dare mention: the GOP actually lost ground here, gaining a state house seat but losing a judgeship and state board of education seat. Burka defended all of his incumbents, something Alex T. can’t say since his hand-picked choice for judge, Carl Stich, got his ass handed to him by a total nobody that 99 out of 100 lawyers asked at the courthouse who he was, said, “Who?”
Burka blames Alex for the racism that caused Fanon Rucker to lose so badly and called Old Blue Face out for racism in a Jonathan Dever advertisement where he called Alex a sexist as well as a racist.
Alex said his biggest surprise was Carl Stich’s loss. Carl said the same thing. Old Blue Face privately told Burka three weeks before the election, he expected Stich to lose. Then his good friend Burka revealed that little confidence to everybody he knew.
Alex T only defended one person… and that was John Kasich. Hmmm, what’s Alex setting himself up for?
Burka, who lost every other race, lectured Chip and Alex about how terribly mean nasty and bigoted Republicans are and Alex just sat there and lapped it up. What an utter failure of leadership.
He should have challenge Burke and Kram-ass for the negative campaign run against Dever. He should have called out Tim Burke’s own law clerk, but of course, he didn’t.
CH SNITCH AT 1000 MAIN STREET asks if Double-Dipping Disingenuous DemocRAT Hamilton County Auditor was using his public website (paid for by over-taxed payers) to promote himself on Wednesday: Thanks very much for electing me to a new term as your County Auditor. I’m grateful and humbled by your overwhelming support. I’m looking forward to continuing to work with our terrific staff to provide every Hamilton County resident with topnotch service from your County Auditor’s office. Again, thank you!
Would that make him a Triple Dipper? We’re not sure, but we do know he can hardly wait to send his drive-by appraisers out to the all those Turpin and Wilson area precincts that strongly supported the Forest Gump School Board’s Tax Hike Scam so he can jack up their real estate taxes one more time. The names of Republican Trustees (Anderson Township RINO Club President Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas) even appeared in a newspaper ad supporting their School Board’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying), but only Gerth was seen shilling for the schools in this video. And where the hell were those 75% of voters with no one in the schools? Mostly apathetic or uninformed to be sure, exactly the way the Gumpers planned.
And you thought all those Dumbed-Down, Self-Absorbed, Media-Influenced, Celebrity-Obsessed, Politically-Correct, Uninformed, Short-Attention-Span, Free-Stuff Grabbing, Low-Information Voters were just the ones who put Obama In The White House—Twice.
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” AWARD goes to liberal talk show host Joe Madison. Appearing as a panelist on the November 6 Hardball, Madison offered his assessment for why Defeated DemocRATS lost the 2014 midterms: “Liberals, being the intellectuals they are, talk above the heads of the average voter, rather than communicating their ideas in an accessible manner for the layman to understand.” They need to “put it where the goats can get it,” as Madison’s grandfather would say.- RACIAL HEALING UPDATE: The Blower is now officially changing its official nickname for the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) from the NAALCP (National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored People) to the NAALCD (National Association for the Advancement of Liberal Colored DemocRATS), after the Washington Examiner reported that racist organization’s midterm elections statement had failed to make any mention of the historic wins of Republican Utah Congresswoman-elect Mia Love, and South Carolina Senator Tim Scott. Love is not only the first Haitian-American elected to Congress, but she is also the first African-American woman running as a Republican to be elected to Congress. Meanwhile, Sen. Scott’s victory on Tuesday makes him the first African-American senator to win an election in the South since the Reconstruction. The NAALCD also forgot to mention the last white DemocRAT in the south was also defeated.
NOW FROM BUNKY TADWELL, THE BARD OF CLEVES, we have a political poem for any Liberals who might still be suffering these days:
The election is over,
The talking is done.
Your party lost,
My party won.
So let us be friends,
Let arguments pass.
I’ll hug my elephant,
And you kiss my ass.
- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1994, for the first time in 40 years, the Republican Party under the leadership of Newt Gingrich won control of both the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate in midterm Congressional elections, but until White Republicans stop sending RINOs to Washington and elect a Conservative President, America will continue off course toward the abyss.
- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose The Newtster’s “You can’t trust anybody with power.
TUESDAY IS VETERANS DAY and Whistleblower War Hero Ollie Hackworth says First Lady Michelle Obama appeared in a PSA video this week with some cartoon penguins to raise awareness about veterans’ issues. Our Sarcastic Sage, who is also a veteran, says, “That ought to fix all the clusterfuck-ups at Obama’s Veterans Administration. - MORE FREE CHOW FOR VETERANS: Draft Dodger Bill Cunningham says other Freeloaders Pretending to be Veterans can hardly believe all the places to scam a free meal on Veterans Day. Any day now at WXIX-TV, Trish the Dish might even come up with a current list. Of course, Trish’s List includes such places as Applebee’s, Bob Evans, Chili’s, Denny’s, Golden Corral, Max & Erma’s, McCormick & Schmick’s, Olive Garden, Outback, Red Robin, T.G.I Fridays, and Golden Corral. But only The Blower brought you the news of how Veterans can now pig out on City Barbeque at the Anderson Center at 5 PM on Veterans Day by calling 688-8421 to reserve your spot. Walgreens is already stocking up on Beano.
“I can hardly wait to start swapping war stories with all those other geezers,” Whistleblower War Hero Ollie Hackworth exclaimed. Maybe Ollie will tell about that time he and two buddies survived that massacre. What a battle, what fantastic odds, they never should have attempted it in the first place, it was three against a 1,000. First they opened up with artillery fire— it was three against 1,000. Then they came with an infantry assault— it was three against 1,000. Finally, it was some of the bloodiest hand-to-hand combat in history. “Yes,” Ollie said, “they were the toughest three guys we’d ever seen.”
The Blower predicts at all those free lunches for Veterans, the main topic will be trying to decide who Veterans hate more this year—Jane Fonda or Obama.
MEANWHILE IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY, Bluegrass Bureau Chief Ken CamBoo has this heartwarming story about the Bluegrass Battalion returning home last night, just in time for Veterans Day: Six-month old Marley Mather had never seen her father Harley Mather, when he returned home to Boone County with the rest of the 169th Underground Mess Kit Repair Group. PFC Mather, a motor pool specialist, had been in Iraq for the past eighteen months. Actually, the unit was only supposed to be in Iraq for six months, but one night they all got drunk and the entire unit volunteered to stay an extra year. When asked by a Channel 19 reporter how it felt to see his six-month old daughter for the first time after being away for a year and a half, Harley beamed: “Now I finally know what the surprise was my wife kept writing me about.”- FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA: Political Insiders were asking Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane how many free meals a local Veteran could realistically take advantage of next Tuesday. “I’m not sure,” Kane said. “It would depend if the restaurant let you take it home. Whistleblower Freebie Gourmet Martin Upchuck is making out our schedule.” Then somebody from Brad Wenstrup’s Congressional Office suggested we contact “TaxKiller Tom” Brinkman, saying “If anybody knows about taking advantage of free meals, he should.”
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REMEMBER: If you can’t improve on the news, you shouldn’t even be reporting it.
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REAL WHISTLEBLOWER WAR HEROES HOT LINE
e-mail your medals and decorations today.
Some patriotic items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally patriotic subscribers
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Give Back the Senate
Published on Nov 6, 2014 Well, the Republicans have retaken the Senate from the Democrats, and now that they have, it’s time to give it back to its rightful owners…
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as this brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“No Explanations” by James Jay Schifrin
Nothing much happened at the Patronage County Political Headquarters Wednesday morning, except that Hereditary Party Chairman Peter Principal came out of hiding long enough to answer a few questions from the news media.
“How do explain your party’s disastrous local showing in the state-wide races?” asked Dummy Byline, political reporter for the Patronage County Innuendo.
“Our candidate or governor lost big all over the state,” Principal said. “So why is everybody blaming us?”
“Because,” pressed Byline, “the state party expected a 50,000 vote margin from Patronage County, the same as always. This year, your statewide ticket lost here by 20,000 votes.”
“Maybe people were more concerned with the economy than we thought,” Principal conceded.
“Then how do you explain Commissioner Swindle’s and your other local candidates’ winning by 100,000 votes in the same election?” asked Waldo Whitewash, fearless flack for The Compost.
“Times are tough,” Principal said. “I guess our courthouse employees wanted to keep their jobs.”
“We know we shouldn’t underestimate the clout of a courthouse machine in a local election,” Whitewash followed up, “but can they really have that much impact? How do you explain Swindle’s victory margin?”
“Well, in Swindle’s case, it was easy,” Principal said. “If all his creditors had voted for him, he would’ve won by even more.”
Then the only thing local to report is that Commissioner Swindle and his cronies will be with us for four more years,” Whitewash told Byline as they headed for the nearest bar.
“Isn’t that what they said about Nixon,” Byline asked, “right before Watergate?”
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press on November 10, 1982.
