Saturday, November 1, 2014
Desperate DemocRATS
FRIDAY BEFORE THE ELECTION: Whistleblower Senior National Political Affairs Analyst Britt Humus says on Friday Discombobulated DemocRATS sent out a panicky e-mail supposedly from Former Pants-Dropper-in-Chief Bill Clinton, claiming a late surge of spending from Republican billionaires had pulled the GOP within striking distance of taking the Senate. Everybody on the D-RATS’ Suckers List needed to decide before midnight: would they fight back – OR do nothing and leave it all up to chance? The D-RATS begged Please pitch in to stop a Republican Senate takeover before midnight. All gifts will be triple-matched and sent to deadlocked battlegrounds immediately. What a load of crap!- THE LATEST POLLS: Whistleblower Pollster Ron Rasmussen says Voters believe more strongly than ever that next Tuesday’s elections will put Republicans in charge of the Senate. Confidence that DemocRATS will regain control of the House continues to fall.
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is Downticket DemocRAT Connie the Pillager, who says she is not running from away from Obama in her campaign for Ohio Treasurer.- HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says on this date in 1950, President Harry S. Truman escaped an assassination attempt by Griselio Torresola and Oscar Collazo at the Blair House in Washington, D.C. Can any of our Penis Painting Students at Turpin High School tell us what that was all about?
- AND NOW THAT WE’VE ALL READY SEEN THE POLICE REPORT, here are some lessons to be learned: [SEE IT HERE]
If you’re going to do high school pranks (or criminal damage) with a motor vehicle, be sure to remove the license plates. The night custodian saw the truck at 2AM driving over the football field and damaging the practice areas, followed it and got the license plate. With the license plate in hand, it wasn’t too difficult to find the address which, upon arrival, there was the suspect vehicle with fresh dirt and grass all over it.
And if you’re going to conspire with friends from high school to do high school pranks (or criminal damage), be very careful who you call a friend. With the suspect vehicle identified and located, the juveniles who were at the house (and whose parents were out of town), sung like canaries. While personally disclaiming any actual involvement (only because he fell asleep), one juvenile wasn’t shy about identifying three persons likely involved. Of course, he only gave the telephone number for one of these persons and refused to provide telephone numbers for the other two “as they were his friends.”
ANOTHER ITEM IN THE CINCINNATI MESS (You Only Read About in The Blower: Sooooo, why do you suppose we haven’t heard anything about the rampant corruption in the Chief’s office?
Our FOP snitch says that last July our Police Chief, Jeffery Blackwell, sent a squad of on-duty Cincinnati motorcycle officers about 60 miles up I-71 to meet, greet, and provide a police escort to a group of Blackwell’s personal friends (or neighbors) from Columbus, who were on their way to downtown Cincinnati for the Jazz Festival and assorted weekend parties.
In order to really impress his friends, our beloved FOP snitch says that Chief Blackwell rented three black, full size SUVs, (all at the expense of the Cincinnati Police Department) complete with drivers who were on-duty Cincinnati police officers. Our snitch further says the on-duty officers transported Chief Blackwell’s friends wherever they wanted to go throughout the entire weekend 24/7. Our FOP snitch thinks the driver/cops may have made a little (or a lot) of extra overtime that weekend AND, who knows what type of activity the officers may have helped to perpetuate!
Our FOP snitch even tells us that fuel was no problem either as the vehicles, rented at City expense, were fueled at the City gas pumps whenever necessary during the weekend’s festivities. Why, that just makes good sense, or is it cents? Anyway, if you’re going to steal City resources to pay for transportation for your friends, why not steal some City gas to keep the cars running? Have we got a great police chief here in Cincinnati, or what!
Our FOP snitch also thinks that our dishonest and untrustworthy FOP president, Kathy Harrell, probably thinks the chief fits fine right in here in Cincinnati because she knows as well as anyone just how much fun it is to spend other people’s money. No matter whether it’s the police department’s money, or another union’s money, or your own union’s money, it’s just fun AND you get to stay in office. WooHoooooo, and who cares if some people want to call it, “Theft in Office, We’re the Cops!”
THE BIG “O” (ODELL OWENS) sent a memo to the entire staff reassuring everyone that things are under control at Cincy State with regards to EBOLA. He is monitoring the situation and has a plan in place. That’s right “O,” sit in your office and plan for EBOLA, while the yoof from your special charter high school skip class and run all over the building. Don’t worry, your star charter high school will undoubtedly get all EFFISSES again on this year’s state report card.- IN COLUMBUS: The Ohio Ethics Commission Thursday found a complaint that claimed Councilman SMLP Christopher Smithemouth violated ethics rules for failing to recuse himself from votes concerning Mahogany’s had NO MERIT. Deadbeat Liz Rogers is trying to move the restaurant to Over-the-Rhine. Councilman Kevin Flynn is calling for the city to declare Rogers’ loan in defauly, but no decisions have been made.
Tino Delgato With a Bad Taste in his Mouth says others have suggested moving Mahogany’s HALF way between Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. You know, like in the middle of the river or use Ruby’s old Waterfront barge but please go DOWNSTREAM. Food passes through the body in seven days or less. Bad Restaurants seem to hang on forever. Go Figure!!!
One of The Fishwrap’s Bloggers commenting on the story said: :This is Halloween. Put a stake through this Dracula’s heart and forget about it.”
MORE EMPLOYEE BENEFITS: Following up on The Blower’s expose of The Fishwrap’s so-called Employee Benefit Program, Thursday, the Business Crapper Chris Wetterich reported more than a dozen newsroom Fishwrappers, including the No. 2 editor, are departing as the region’s largest local media company embarks on the biggest shakeup in its history.[READ MORE HERE]
Our Conservative Curmudgeon wonders why Bedwetter’s name wasn’t on the list of reporters leaving. All he does is talk about Bob Braun, and old farts he interviewed years ago. The rag along with all the TV stations asks readers to submit stories and pictures of events and news they see. It’s a do it yourself newspaper and should be FREE!
- GET READY FOR THE RIOTS: Black Folks are still planning to loot and riot if the White policeman who shot Black Thug Michael Brown in Ferguson is not indicted, tried, and hanged in no particular order. Riot plans have not been announced locally for December 2, if White Judge Nick Nadel sends Convicted Ditzy DemocRAT Juvie Judge Traci Hunter to the slammer.
TOP TEN LIST: Today, it’s the Top Ten Reasons to Stay Home on Election Day:
10. Mattress Warehouse is having a big sale.
9. Typical lousy Greater Cincinnati weather
8. Nude transvestites on the Springer Show
7. Still “Undecided”
6. Term limits won’t undo the damage
5. Waiting for the really important elections in 2016
4. Busy begging for money to cover your own medical expenses
3. Avoid poll workers shoving campaign literature in your face
2. Confused about all those conflicting endorsements
…and the Number One Reason to Stay Home on Election Day is…you voted early.
VENDORSEMENTS: The Whistleblower does not make political endorsements, either for candidates or issues. Unlike other publications, we present as many facts as we can find and trust that our readers are intelligent enough to come to an informed decision. And since we do not accept advertising, and have no sponsors nor special interest groups to dictate their prejudices, we would not insult our readership by presuming that they are not bright enough to critically evaluate the candidates and issues on their own.
IT’S THE STUPIDITY, STUPID! After The Blower’s exclusive report yesterday that Hamilton County GOP Executive Director and Illegal Immigration Advocate Ashwin Corattiyil is “Already Gone” to live off the over-taxed payers of Sycamore Community Schools, political insiders are wondering how many winnable races are slipping through the disorganized local Republican Party’s hands.
Will that be a topic of discussion at the insiders’ First Friday luncheon hosted by Chippy Gerhardt, or will Alex T be once again publicly humiliated by victorious DemocRATS? After the epic beat down delivered by Hamilton County Demo-Labor Boss Tim Burka, and Coroner Sammarco publicly lambasted Old Blueface as a racist and sexist bigot for the ads attacking her, Alex hung his head in shame, then went back to calling Tim Burka a “good friend” on Facebook.
Word is that expected-to-be victorious candidates Charlie Luken and Micah Kamrass have already RSVP’d and the DemocRAT running for state board of education that also includes Warren County is a “maybe.” Will Alex T try to defend himself, or being any of his minions to do so? Probably not as it is never considered polite to contradict a DemoRAT in public.
- LAST-MINUTE MUD-SLINGING: Demonstrating our Alex T.’s further loss of control over this year’s debacle in the we have a last-minute hit piece on Republican candidate Mike Dever, signed by so-called fellow Republicans, you know, the same kind of Republicans who supported “Mean Jean Schmidt in the past. [READ IT HERE]
Meanwhile, Award Winning Photo Illustrator Artis Conception shows us Charlie Luken getting ready for his new job.
ANOTHER GUEST EDITORIAL BY BUNKY TADWELL: A word about voting. Stop it. Do not encourage these people. Year after year somebody has to have a voter registration drive. Look at what it hath wrought. So please, no more voter registration drives. We have too many people mucking about in the booth as it is.
Now about those candidates: They are saying more about nothing than ever before. One hapless buffoon is speaking in tongues or has elevated the art of gobbledygook to new heights. Another candidate claims he’s been working hard to earn re-election. Judging from his real accomplishments, this guy should be placed in a slower class.
Should we keep taking cheap shots at these people? Why not? Remember that the quality of our political candidates simply reflects our culture. They say and do nothing because the public wishes to hear nothing and have nothing done. It’s all crap because people are buying crap.
And if they do promise you something? They can’t give it to you unless they take it from somebody else. And if they take it from you, you can be sure you’ll be getting back less than you gave.
Now for today’s poem from the Bard of Cleves:
Hot Air today, Cold Shoulder Tomorrow
What choice do we have on Election Day?
It really is a sin.
We vote to throw the rascals out.
Then throw more rascals in.
- OUR LATE NIGHT TV JOKEWATCHER remembers Jay Leno’s, “I had a trick-or-treater last night who stood outside on my porch for an hour, didn’t ring the bell, didn’t knock on the door. I said, “Who are you supposed to be?” He said, “I’m an undecided voter.”
ANGST IN ANDERSON: Republican Trustees (Anderson Township RINO Club President Josh Gerth and Anderson TEA Party Guy Andy Pappas) didn’t appear particularly overjoyed when Real Republicans saw their names in a newspaper ad supporting the School Board’s humongous $103 million Tax Hike Scam (that will really cost $170 million on top of the thousands of dollars in school taxes property owners are already paying).
It must be hard for those two Republican Icons to explain, especially to 75% of Anderson’s property owners with no children in school, that Anderson Township’s Average $210,000 homeowner is already paying $2,311.67 in school taxes every year, and the Forrest Gump School District now wants him to pay another $363.89.
Because if homeowners didn’t include their property taxes with their mortgage payments, they would have to write big property tax payment checks to the Hamilton County Treasurer twice a year, and they might even be paying attention to how much those school taxes were actually costing them.
Which is why all those tax-and-spenders running things will make sure Elections are never held on Tax Day.
Maybe our “Fiscal Conservatives” saw where that crappy “Vote Yes” post card residents received on Friday was paid for by “Citizens for Forest Hills Schools,” whoever in hell they really are. But there was no such “disclaimer” on that blatant 12-page four-color advertisement the School residents received the day before.
- OVER-TAXED PAYERS OBJECT: Doesn’t this story say that Hamilton county bonds refinanced to pay for Paul Brown Stadium are only 16 years to maturity? Sold in 2011, maturing in 2027?
So why are the Forest Hills Bonds for 32.5 years? Because it makes the millage a lot lower and easier to sell to unsuspecting Over-Taxed Payers. It actually will cost the taxpayer a whole lot more in interest, like paying a home mortgage in 30 years as compared to 15: “For example, if you finance a property for $200,000 at 4% interest over 15 years, you’ll pay $66,288 in interest. However, if you finance a home for the same amount with the same interest rate for 30 years, you’ll pay a whopping $143,739.” Forest Hills over-taxed payers are going to be paying a WHOPPING amount of interest if those suckers fall for this trick.
IN OHIO’S SECOND CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT: Blower readers living in the Second Congressional must have thought it’s been Halloween for a long time considering how Wenstrup has been scaring the Beejeezuz out of people with all his electioneering and campaign ads. You’d think the “non-wounded-armchair-warrior” was running in the race of his life with all the scary campaign ads and midnight finance deadlines. Turns out that congressman “in the rear with the gear” is simply raising gobs and gobs of money so he can pay the permanent campaign machine he has assembled and couldn’t turn off if his life depended on it.
MORE FREE CHOW FOR VETERANS: Draft Dodger Bill Cunningham says Freeloaders Pretending to be Veterans can pig out on City Barbeque at the Anderson Center at 5 PM on Veterans Day. Seating is limited, so call 688-8421 to reserve your spot. At Applebee’s you’ll be able to choose a meal from a limited Veterans Day menu that includes items like steak, cheeseburgers, chicken tenders, and lots more, and at Olive Garden, Veterans can choose a free entree from a special menu of Olive Garden’s seven most popular items. All of these entrees come with freshly baked garlic breadsticks and a choice of unlimited soup or salad.
IN NORTHERN KENTUCKY: Saturday morning, while Hillary Clinton is campaigning for Ditzy DemocRAT Alison Wondergams Grimes at Northern Kentucky University, Ohio Senator Rob “Fighting for Gay Marriage” Portman, will be damaging the campaign of Republican Senate Leader Bitch McConnell and the Republicans in Fort Wright. McConnell has the good sense not to be at that rally. If those aren’t two good reasons to avoid NoKY, The Blower doesn’t know what are.- MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose “McConnell’s Classic line: “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.”
Also in Northern Kentucky, the CamBoozler wonders how many of his current readers are still around from the good old days. 23 years ago in the edition that came out on October 29, 1991, he asked where’s William (William T. Robinson III), while Legendary Northern Kentucky Bureau Chief J.R. Hatfield wrote a last ditch effort to preserve naked dancing in Newport when attorney Harry “the Horse” Hellings pledged to appeal two of his client’s cases all the way to the Supreme Court, if necessary. [YOU CAN SEE THAT ENTIRE EDITION HERE]
FINALLY, AT YESTERDAY’S MEETING OF THE CONSERVATIVE AGENDA, Political Insiders were asking Charles Foster Kane if he was going to remind our readers that Daylight Savings Time is coming to an end tonight. “Guys at the fire house say when you change your clocks this weekend, don’t forget to change your battery in your smoke alarms,” our Beloved Whistleblower Publisher explained. “And in Loveland, Dildo World CEO Patty Brisben says, ladies shouldn’t forget the batteries in their vibrators either.”
More Conservative Political Cartoons
PRE ELECTION WEEKEND HOTLINE
e-mail your last-minute hit pieces today.
Some overly aggressive items today’s Blower were sent in by our equally overly aggressive subscribers.
WHISTLEBLOWER VIDEO OF THE DAY
Bill Whittle: Silence Drudge!
Published on Oct 30, 2014 If someone was trying to limit or suppress your First Amendment rights in America today, what would that Tyrant look like? A dictator in a military uniform? Or a soccer mom in a corner office?
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Persons of Consequence can now follow the on-going antics of the –dare we say, “mythical?”– cast of characters from The Blower’s archived columns. These articles will be Beloved Whistleblower Publisher Charles Foster Kane’s attempt to encourage undiscovered young writers, such as our brand new columnist who shares his acute and oh-so-accurate take on local Politics as Usual in satirical Patronage County.
“Vendorsements” By James Jay Schifrin
Last week just before the Annual Commissioner Swindle Mudslinging Contest, Patronage County Innuendo political reporter Dummy Byline stood chatting with Waldo Whitewash, his counterpart at The Compost, the other daily newspaper in Patronage County.
“I see The Compost endorsed Commissioner Swindle too,” Byline remarked as he tried to sneak a look at the other reporter’s notes.
“Some endorsement, Dummy. We said we’d like to see someone from the Token Opposition Party on the county commission, only this isn’t the year.”
“There has to be somebody in the Token Opposition Party as competent as Swindle. Maybe our editorial writers don’t read the rest of the paper. Last year we exposed Swindle 50 times.”
“Not to mention the other 50 Swindle scandals they wouldn’t print, Dummy. At least endorsements come out in time for candidates to buy ads showing that we endorsed them.”
“Which is why newspapers always endorse candidates with the biggest ad budgets or the most money still left in them. If we can’t decide based on that, we go with those who look like winners.”
“There’s nothing more embarrassing than supporting a loser, Dummy. But advertising dollars aren’t the real issue. In any race, its loyalty to the interests of the political elite that really matters. Everything from property appraisals to control of legislation.”
“And don’t forget all those cozy deals with mutual friends, everybody from lawyers, bond underwriters and contractors to the guys who sell toilet paper, especially those services a county buys without a competitive bid.”
“Now you’re catching on, Dummy. Every dollar that comes into the county comes through the treasurer’s office, but every dollar that goes out is approved by the commissioners.”
“Wait a minute, Whitewash. Let’s get our stories straight. What do you think the key issue of this election is going to be?”
“Voter apathy, Dummy. The same as always.”
“Too bad you’re right, Whitewash. But at least the public has the news media on its side. Without us, they’d really be in the dark.”
This op-ed column first appeared in the Mt. Washington Press in November, 1982, Press personally edited by eminently renowned publisher Dennis Nichols.
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