Friday, October 17, 2014
Penis Painting Protests
At Thursday night’s meeting, Angry Andersonians gave our Township Trustees an earful about all that negative publicity the Township has been receiving lately. The Forrest Gump School Board and their willing accomplices at the Forest Hills Urinal have been doing their best to cover up the controversy during their campaign to promote their $103 million tax levy that would really cost over-taxed payers more than $170 million ever since last weekend’s incident at Anderson High School, when a Turpin student we’ll call Mohammed was arrested for painting a large penis on the Anderson football field before the big annual Anderson-Turpin football game. The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department continues to maintain that Penis Painting Case is still currently “under investigation,” just like they used to always tell us after Defeated and Disgraced Anderson Trustee Kevin “Big Spanky” O’Brien was arrested for masturbating in a Wellborn woman’s car, and The Blower is acting responsibly by not releasing the penis painting student’s last name to protect the privacy of penis painters everywhere.
MORE TAX HIKE OPPOSITION: Opponents of the Gumpers’ Titanic Tax Hike say Most “No Voters” among the 75% who pay taxes but don’t have kids in the schools, see 32.5 years to pay, but will be back in the same spot in 15-25. “Yes Voters” start to see this when it’s explained. Some “No Voters” are multiplying out that $144 per $100k for their more expensive homes. Slam dunk! That’s a big number for any home over $300K, especially when tied to the above.
Somebody with a better plan might be Blower Babe Elizabeth Barber, a Forest Hills resident and an Anderson High School alumna. She was a member of the superintendent’s facilities advisory committee in 2014 and is a spokesperson for A Better Way for Forest Hills. You can read her guest column “Facilities plan too much makeup, not enough change” here. You’d never know this group ever existed from reading The Urinal.
Anderson people know Turpin looks down their noses at them, so they can’t stay home. On November 4, they have to get up off their couches and “Vote Hell No.”
Now Let’s Meet Today’s Guest Editor:
Why, it’s none other than Well-Known Penis Painter Mapplethorpe Tadwell (shown here), made famous in Cincinnati when Cincinnati Contemporary Arts Center and its director, Dennis Barrie were found not guilty of pandering obscenity after Mapplethorpe’s “Perfect Penis” exhibit was shown in Cincinnati in 1990.
MAYBE THAT’S WHY OUR QUOTE FOR TODAY COMMITTEE chose our Good Friend Bobby Leach’s “I may not know a good picture of a penis, but I DO know what I like.”
HURLEY THE HISTORIAN says 24 years ago, when The Whistleblower used to be printed and delivered all over town, Issue # 19 published on October 2, 1990 our coverage featured the top ten questions to prospective jurors at Dennis Barrie’s obscenity trial and “Leis fakes out faggots.” To see that entire edition, CLICK HERE.
Which is why The Blower is honored to choose the reformed Penis Painter, now a member of Penis Painters Anonymous, to be this week’s guest editor and choose three items from the Conservative Citizen’s “SEMI-NEWS: A Satire of Recent News by John Semmens,” plus a penis-free Quickie for today’s E-dition from our Current Cadre of Conservative Columnists and Contributors that you probably won’t see reported in your Morning Fishwrap.
- Former Obama Press Secretary Says GOP Unfairly Exploiting Administration’s Failures
The incoherence of President Obama’s foreign policy and the cascade of domestic policy scandals are being unfairly exploited for political gain according to former Obama Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.
“Hitting a man when he is down is just plain dirty,” Gibbs maintained. “It’s disloyal and unpatriotic. Rather than criticize the President, Republicans should be looking for ways to help him recover from the battering he is taking in the media. That would be the decent thing to do.”
Gibbs was especially outraged that “the GOP hasn’t given the President enough credit for what he has accomplished. President Obama came into office with less executive experience than any other president in American history, with the possible exception of Washington, Lincoln, Both Roosevelts and Ronald Reagan. Yet, despite this handicap he was able to pass landmark health care reform and win reelection by a sound margin.”
The former Press Secretary expressed “hope that voters will look past the scurrilous attacks narrowly focused on so-called performance and remember why they voted for the President in the first place. There can be no question that his efforts to make government ‘cool’ have changed the way Americans think about how they want to be governed. Voting for the Democrats on their ballots in November will help him stay the course.”
- Kentucky Candidate Rebuffs Ballot Question
The DemocRAT candidate for the US Senate in Kentucky, Alison Grimes refused repeated queries as to whether she voted for Obama in either 2008 or 2012.
“People may think they have a right to know, but they don’t,” Grimes forcefully asserted. “In this country we have a secret ballot. No one has the right to demand to know how I cast that ballot.”
Louisville Courier-Journal editor Pam Platt defended asking the question when Grimes appeared at the paper’s editorial board meeting to seek its endorsement in her race to unseat Republican Senator Mitch McConnell. “The secret ballot is meant to protect the private citizen from potential government harassment for voting the ‘wrong way.’” Platt said. “But Grimes is seeking to become a member of the federal government. Knowing whether she voted for President Obama would give our readers some insight into what policies she might support if she is elected, or if she has the propensity to vote the wrong way.”
Grimes stubbornly tried to cast her refusal to answer as a mark of personal integrity. “I could’ve just lied and said I voted for McCain and Romney, but I didn’t,” Grimes argued. “I’m bigger than that. If people want to know where I stand on the issues they can go to my campaign website to find out.”
Whether Grimes’ campaign statements are a valid reflection of where she stands, though, was thrown into doubt by a recent covertly obtained video in which Juanita Rodriguez, a Grimes campaign supporter, admitted that Grimes’ claimed backing of Kentucky coal miners was bogus and Grimes “Just says stuff to get, you know, elected.”
- CDC Clarifies Obama Statement on Ebola
President Obama’s attempt to reassure people that “you can’t get Ebola from sitting next to someone on a bus” directly contradicted the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) advice for people who have returned from Ebola infested west African nations to avoid taking public transportation.
“The President seems to have misunderstood what we told him,” CDC Director Tom Frieden explained. “Of course, the President would never have to worry about catching Ebola from a fellow bus passenger because he never rides on public transportation. How he generalized this into a notion that no one could catch Ebola from close proximity to a carrier in a public place is a mystery to us.”
“As for the question foremost in the minds of every American, let me alleviate everyone’s worst fears: your President is in no imminent danger of contracting this deadly ailment,” Frieden promised. “You may all go about your daily lives knowing that every measure, no matter how costly, will be undertaken to insure that he remains safe.”
In related news, Frieden nixed the idea of a travel ban, calling it “unnecessary. There are simpler ways for us to insulate the President from exposure to Ebola than banning travel from west Africa to the United States. There is no need for us to negate the fundamental human right of individuals to travel wherever they wish, even if they happen to be sicker than a dog and puking in the aisles. In fact, it is logical that a person who suspects he has Ebola would want to come to this country where he could expect to face better odds of recovering than if he were confined within the borders of the African Hell-hole he lives in. Blocking his efforts to escape would be cruel and inhumane.”
Frieden also mused that “the possible upside of allowing Ebola to spread to the United States is that it would inspire Congress to approve desperately needed increases to the CDC’s operating budget. Senators and Congressmen are frequent users of public transportation—taxis to the airport, commercial airlines back to the home state. I expect that self-preservation would push them to boost our budget once Ebola gains a foothold in this country.”
Remember, it’s not plagiarism if you tell where you stole it!
- AND A QUICKIE sent in by Screwem Goode & Hart Divorce Attorneys
HUSBAND’S MESSAGE (BY E-MAIL): Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays, although I have been passing in and out of consciousness. The blow to my head, though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Please keep your fingers crossed!
WIFE’S RESPONSE: Who the HELL is Paula?
These items are perfect to forward to all of your Internet Buddies and Facebook Friends with too much time on their hands.
Stories We’re Working On
Ebola is Obama’s 2014 October Surprise- Obama Cancels Fundraising Trip
- White House Officially At DEFCON 1 Over Ebola, Releases Third Photo Of Obama “Working” On Crisis
- Obama To Issue Executive Order Sending National Guard Troops To Liberia To Fight Ebola
- SAVAGE: “If you like your Ebola, you can keep your Ebola”
- COULTER: “We’ll Tell You How Dangerous Ebola Is — After the Election!”
- Seven People Quarantined In Ohio After Contact With Ebola-Infected Nurse
Whistleblower Web Poll
This week, here’s why the first 17,648 Whistleblower Readers Poll respondents said John Boehner and the Republicans can’t close the deal on an election cycle fought on red state territory with Obama and the DemocRATS so unpopular and so much upheaval going on in the country:
(A) Greed and Self Interest: 2%
(B) No Term Limits: 1%
(C) Afraid Liberals in the Media will criticize them: 1%
(D) They’re Just a Bunch of Pussies: 96%
Note: Everything we write doesn’t have to be so damn cynical and mean-spirited, it’s just so much more fun that way!
TODAY’S “LIBERALS SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS” WINNER is
Demented DemoCRAT Kentucky Congressman John Yarmuth, a strong supporter of Alison Wondergams Grimes, who says, “It’s a ‘disservice’ to raise questions about Obama’s incompetent response to Ebola crisis.”
Not to worry, there are still only 825 more Days of Dishonesty and Division for America remaining during the Dark Ages of Obama’s Second Term, unless the First Black President in History is impeached.
Weekly Whistleblower Limerick Contest
Elections Dejections
This week, everybody who’s really tired of watching all those campaign commercials on TV, e-mailed an entry to the Whistleblower Limerick Contest.
The winner is noted political pundit J. L. Jaundice, who says he thought if you voted early, you wouldn’t have to watch all those crappy political ads anymore.
J. L. wins an Official Whistleblower Election Night Scorecard to tally all those local races, 38 absentee ballots for him to fill out so he can participate in Early Voter Fraud, and an “I Told You So” Button to wear on November 5.
It’s just a few more weeks till elections
With both parties courting major defections.
But they’re only two sides of the same coin,
Both of which kick America in the groin.
Are we too dumbed down to raise some objections?
It’s just a few more weeks till elections
And no matter what your selections
Because the plain fact is
They’ll still raise your taxes
So the government can increase its collections.
And from the Anderson Laureate (who now knows why his poetic license is being revoked):
It’s just a few more weeks till elections,
This time we won’t have a lot of selections,
But the really big races
In 2016 will face us
Til then we’ll keep voicing our objections.
It’s just a few more weeks till elections
(In Japan, they would call that “erections”)
I can’t help being stimulated,
For two years I’ve waited,
To change our political directions.
The first line of next week’s limerick is:
“When you piss off a judge named Nick Nadel”
ILLEGAL YARD SIGN HOT LINE
E-mail your scurrilous sightings today.
Some illegally posted items in today’s Blower were sent in by our equally illegally posting subscribers.
Whistleblower Video of the Day
Andrew Klavan: Helping the Pro-Obama Media Learn From the Past
(Sent in by the guys at Truth Revolt, who hope all those befuddled pro-Obama journalists learn critical lessons from their butt-kissing past.)
Note: We guarantee Blackberry subscribers who don’t go home and see links and pictures on their computers are not going to appreciate all of this good stuff today.
Current Whistleblower Policies and Disclaimers can be found here
